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Posted By: Bex "the nice one..." - 03/04/06 05:53 AM
I just want some feedback... I have been married to the man I love for nearly six years. That may not sound like a lot, but in that time, he has proven to be a great father (of two), a good husband, a patient lover, a hard worker and still tells me to go fishing with a friend after weeks of not getting out of the house (for fun). He is wonderful in many ways most people are not, yet...

I work full-time at a career I love, and come home to care for my family until I collapse into bed. I am completely satisified with those aspects of my life, however, I can't help but feel that I am neglecting my self in that I don't have a "real friend" to bounce things off of. I'm so sad that I have had such dear friends, however, when I do have a concern about my husband or family, I don't feel right "unloading" it on my friends. I feel so alone; my husband is one that stares at the t.v. and eventually says, "what, I was listening". It makes me feel like my thoughts are worthless and without merit. I know he loves me, but I just need someone to talk to.

I almost forgot to mention that he is (with others) impatient, rude, hurtful, and thoughtless. I sometimes feel like I am the referee between him and the world. I have talked to him about all this and, generally, his response is: "you are such a good person; how did I end up so lucky to have you?" Then he'll cuss out the guy next to us and be on his way..."what were we talking about?"
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor Re: "the nice one..." - 03/05/06 12:13 AM
I understand that you want your husband to be your best friend and confidant; but it sounds like this man is already so much more with you than he is with the rest of the world- you may have to give him more time to evolve into that role. Or he may never become that role for you.

I know that is not what you wanted to hear. But it sounds like he has made amazing changes by being with you, and that he is a different person with you than with anyone else. He may not, at this time, be able to grow anymore. You can try counseling. Or a really good book that I have recommended to other people is "The Five Love Languages". It is based on the fact that everyone feels and demonstrates love in one of 5 major ways: touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, acts of service. And often a husband and wife don't "speak" the same "love language" so misunderstand when the other is doing/saying "I love you."

For example: a husband's love language is acts of service- so he fixes his wife's broken dishwasher without her having to ask him. The wife just sees this as a normal chore because her love language is gifts and she thinks he ought to get her flowers every once in a while. (That's a real basic example.) But it is an excellent book.

But the other thing is, putting so much responsibility on your spouses shoulder is a big burden. You also need 1 or 2 really good friends to share things with as well. Because who are you going to talk to when you're mad at him?

Good luck with things! <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" />
Posted By: eddie421 Re: "the nice one..." - 04/05/06 11:16 AM
Sounds like your husband got lost along the way of who he actually is. He needs to go out and make some friends. Sounds like he really cares for you, but his potty mouth has got to go and his rudeness should be addressed.

Maybe you could tone down your career a bit and schedule dates with your husband, just the two of you.
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