The next chapter is Pema Chodron, and three essays are included, including one entitled 'When Things Fall Apart', also the title of one of her most well-known books. She talks here of the difficult parts of the path, when our self-perceptions are challenged. She talks about her first few months at Gampo Abbey, in which her self-perception that she was flexible and obliging were revealed to her as a self-deception, and she was left floundering and unhappy:
"Everything that I had not been able to see about myself before was suddenly dramatized. As if that weren't enough, others were free with their feedback about me and what I was doing. I felt that bombs were being dropped on me almost continuously, with self-deceptions exploding all around. In a place where there was so much practice and study going on, I could not get lost in trying to justify myself and blame others. That kind of exit was not available."
She goes on to talk about how we make friends with this groundless, this shakiness, and with ourselves - all of ourselves, going inward, rather than lashing outward looking for blame. This is really the part of the path that Pema is so excellent at sharing with others, and why she become such a popular author and teacher. She ends the chapter this way:
"To stay with that shakiness - to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge- that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic - this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation - harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration.
"Every day we could think about the aggression in the world, in New York, Los Angeles, Halifax, Taiwan, Beirut, Kuwait, Somalia, Iraq and elsewhere. All over the world, everybody always strikes out at the enemy, and the pain escalates forever. Every day we could reflect on this and ask ourselves,"Am I going to add to the aggression in the world?" Every day, at the moment when things get edgy, we can just ask ourselves, "Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?"
I think this is such a perfect quote to contemplate as we head into a New Year. And BTW, I am offering this book was one of three in a giveaway I am doing at my blog, just comment for a chance to win:
New Years Book Giveaway