but pain is often an impressive teacher.

As tempting as it is to take rejection personally, it's really just part of the process. Can you imagine what dating would be like without rejection?

My latest article is all about why rejection hurts and why it shouldn't have to. Feel free to check it out here .

One thing wanted to say, and it's not about rejection per se, but about being alone: it sucks. Humans need and want to give and receive affection, unfortunately I have no one to give and receive and after trying a reasonable number of times, am losing interest in putting myself out there, as a friend or anything else. It's not personal, it's just life. I hate being on the outside, but neither is the risk worth it.

It is hard being alone. I had a thought one day that I'd share with others the "love" I'd been saving up for that special one. It change my perspective alot. I began to shower other with tender love and kindness because I didn't want to wait any more to share all that I had to give with "the one". My life has been different since that time. It's still hard being alone at times but it's much better than it was before, now I'm very happy and some new and interesting things are happening. Thanks for being open and real!

- the Dalai Lama

After my divorce from my 1st husband - I thought I could never trust again. But the man I am married to now I feel like was sent to me by God. He is everything I not only wanted, but needed in a partner. And I almost missed it, because I was scared of messing up our friendship.

But luckily I took the risk, and we've been married for 7 years now, and my daughter actually asked me, "Do you and David ever argue?"

BTW - I just want to add - yes we do argue - but it is almost never in front of the children.

That's true, but I am not in a place right now where that is a wise choice at this point in time.

Been there, done that, paid for it. No longer bitter, just want some time off. Welcome for honesty, though : )

That's a great article! I think definitely it's important to remember that rejection is very frequently NOT personal at all. It's completely unrelated to you. It could be that they're busy with work, or stressed out by family, or who knows what else. They might tell you something to 'break up' but it could be something else.

I really do believe that if it was meant to be, it would have worked. If you break up, as hard as it is to accept it at the time, it means the relationship wasn't the one. A relationship you want is one where *both* of you actively work and tend to it daily. If for whatever reason you aren't both in that frame of mind, then it is best to move on and find the situation where it works.

I am pretty sure that every couple who is happy can recount past relationships that they "thought" were great - but which fell apart. Those were all learning stages for them to reach their ideal partner.

We are all here on the forums to talk with! I know it's virtual, but I have many friends on these forums who I treasure greatly, who I rarely if ever see in person. Their support is very meaningful to me.

For in person friends, I find the key is to pursue an interest, not people. So for example if I love yoga, I would go to a weekly yoga class. After a few weeks, some of the fellow yoga people and I would begin to get into discussions and it would grow from there.

Keaghry, I know how disappointing it can be to allow yourself to be vulnerable only to have it blow up in your face time and time again. You are dead right - it's not personal, it's just life. But I must disagree with you about the risk not being worth it. I can tell you from personal experience that even one single, genuine connection with another human being is well worth all the disappointments that came before it.

It may seem like putting up walls will protect you from getting hurt but the truth is that it probably won't. Sometimes walls hurt even more than people do.

Don't doom yourself to certain failure by refusing to take a chance every now and then. You deserve better!

I'll say rejection hurts. I have met many different women when I was single and was shot down by them. "I wasn't the guy they were looking for" or "I am not ready to raise your children" That one really got me because I never asked anyone to raise my children.

I was raising them just fine when I was single. Iknow what they were talking about though. They were not ready to get into a relationship with a "ready made family" or were not ready to raise a family but it was just the way it was said.

Lisa had the best idea though. Join a club or even a "parents without partners" club, for those who are parents that is. Start talking to people about the club and the activities there and soon something may grow from it. If not a romantic relationship, then at least a friendship or two.

This connects more to friendship in general, but I had two close friends shut me out when they hit rough patches in their lives and for a long time I was sure it was all my fault, because that was what I was used to thinking, and they weren't willing or able to admit otherwise initially. Because they were so close, I'm struggling with trust issues now, and both of them keep in touch, which is ironic : p I don't need or want to be open again, still processing.

Isn't it crazy that there are billions of people and it is so hard to find that perso that is "the one" for you. If there are so many fish in the see, how come there are so few people that are happy together and so many that are unhappy and lonely...

Keaghry, I had to learn the hard way that close friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep. Friendship is definitely a two-way street and is much more fragile than most people seem to think, which is probably why it is often taken for granted so easily.

I understand your reluctance to open up like that again though. I'm friendly with just about anybody, but trust isn't something I hand out freely anymore.

You ask a really good question, Angel216.

Personally, I think alot of it has to do with unrealistic expectations. People need to realize that there is no fairy tale, happily-ever-after hollywood ending in the real world.

Love is always easy and beautiful in the beginning but what really counts is the quality of love that remains once the novelty wears off.

I think people need to be more honest with themselves and their partners about whether or not the relationship is right for them. Sometimes people want to love and be loved so badly that they will try to force it even when they know they're doing so with the wrong person. I was guilty of that myself for many years but have since learned my lesson. I was always trying to blame my unhappiness on outside factors when I had the power to change it all along.

There would probably be a lot less loneliness in the world if more people figured out that the cure for it starts only from within.

You know, one of our other editors - Elle was talking about the "happily ever after" in the marriage forum, and she made the comment that she would rather NOT have the fairytale romance.

The reason? Because in order to get to that happily ever after, there is always some major crisis to go through first.

That's a good point! Also, I think it would be kind of boring if things were too perfect. A little speed bump in the road of romance every now and then sometimes helps to keep things interesting!

You catch what I couldn't find the words for, about friendly and trust. I am trying to make sense of getting such a precious gift and then losing it, but can see after some time spent gaining perspective, that it might just be it changed shape, not lost the connection. We do own the cure, but is a struggle sometimes to realize it.

I think those are good ideas, but am smart enough to know that before choosing to pursue, have to have resolved basically the things that I am working through. Right now I need space and to take care of myself, so that whatever direction I end up going in, it's with a clear head : )