Dating a Step Sibling

Posted By: andilizz

Dating a Step Sibling - 11/02/07 04:45 PM

I've been struggling with this for about five years and I don't know how to handle it.

My parents split when I was 16 and after many suicide attempts, my father got healthy and met a nice women. She has two children, a girl who is one year older than me, and a boy who is a year younger. When my father was first dating her I never saw her kids because I was never around enough and neither were they. My dad and his girlfriend got engaged and decided to build a house together. After a few years, the house was built and they moved in. By this time, myself and the boy were in college and began seeing eachother during holiday times when we both had off from school. There has always been sexual tension between us and one night we were watching tv and he held hands. I had always had a little crush on him but never thought it would go anywhere. Nothing happened more than just holding hands, but the tension built. I thought not much of it although my crush on him never went away. I had two serious boyfriends since then and one so serious that I almost moved accross the country to be with him. Right before I was to move I visited my future step brother and we kissed. I brushed it off as he was going to miss me and gave in a little to the tension. I ended up not moving and breaking up with my boyfriend. Since then my relationship with my now step brother has become very physical. Whenever we are at the house together we become physical.

We have discussed how we like eachother but he just can't get passed the fact that I'm his step sister. Our parents know that we like eachother and encourage it, as they have always seen the attraction between the two of us. We are both adults and out of college and I am beginning to realize that I have loved him since I met him. We in no way grew up together. I know it's more than just physical but I don't know if I can convince him, or get him to be willing to give us a real shot. It is so obvious when we are around eachother that we genuinely love eachother. Even his grandparents (my new step grandparents) asked if we were dating by the way we look at eachother and the way we are around eachother and they also fully support us.

I know the odds are stacked against me and I feel there are only a few outcomes to this.

1. I stop myself from being physical with him because I want more and he can't get passed it. If this happens I feel like I will just suppress my feelings for him and it will take a lot for me to find happiness with someone else and I will always long for him (as I have been for the past 5 years.)

2. I pursue him and either it works out between us and we as a couple are accepted by others, or it doesn't work out and I realize that it won't ever work.

I dont know what to do.
Posted By: kittybeep

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 12/05/07 03:11 AM

My step-grandparents started out as step siblings and they also fell in love. I asked them about it and they said that it was silly if they weren't together just because other people might look down on the relationship. Think about, no matter who you are with, somebody, somewhere will find some fault with it. So you might as well go for it I think!
Posted By: conniem

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 12/05/07 11:25 AM

I think you should go for it. Since your family is so supportive that is something that you have going for you. As I have gotten older the peoples opinions that matter the most to me are my families. If you try to have a relationship and it fails you can know that you did give it a good try and it just wasn't meant to be. If you don't give it a try then for the rest of your life you will wonder "what if".
Posted By: StefW

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 02/14/08 12:29 PM

As Woody Allen said, "The heart wants what it wants." Love is too precious to let go. You're right -- you have to take a chance that it might work. At least that's what I'd say.

Posted By: forcegx7

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 02/16/08 01:58 PM

Originally Posted By: StefW
As Woody Allen said, "The heart wants what it wants." Love is too precious to let go. You're right -- you have to take a chance that it might work. At least that's what I'd say.


I hope that you're not comparing these circumstances with Woody Allens? What Woody Allen did was cheat on his wife after a 12 year marriage with her adopted daughter that she raised since she was 8. Woody Allen became married to Mia Farrow when Soon-Yi was only 2 years old, so he did take part in helping raising her since than. Then 20 some years later, she finds naked photos of her own adopted daughter in one of Woody's (her then husband) apartments. It doesn't get any more shady and twisted than that.
Even though Soon Yi was adopted and not blood-related, it doesn't matter, Woody Allen is messed up. He manipulated and took advantage of a situation, and cheated on his wife with a girl who he helped raise since she was 2, and is 35 years older than her. I usually have no problems with age gap relationships, but this is different. If Woody Allen was a regular guy and did that, he would of probably been chastised by everybody.

Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 02/18/08 05:13 AM

I definitely agree that any Woody Allen comparison should be kept far out of mind!! He was way out of line with what he did.

But as far as you two go - there is NOTHING wrong here. You two did not grow up together. You're not related at all. You are two completely separate adults. You should definitely date!
Posted By: angelamia

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 02/25/08 06:50 PM

Just make up a different story on how you met, haha
Posted By: andilizz

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 03/03/08 02:52 AM

Here's an update. We are dating. He has come around and I can tell he really loves me. We've spent the past 4 months with eachother and not once have we gotten on eachother's nerves. He moved to Boston yesterday and in two am I. Everything is shaping out nicely.

My only complaint right now is that his friends still don't know so when we're around them, its kinda hard, but also fun because it's our little secret. I dont press the issue because all I care about is how he feels smile

Thanks for all the input, keep it coming. In situations like these sometimes support is what makes it easiest
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 03/07/08 08:24 PM

That is so wonderful that things are working out!!

In the old days cousins married ALL the time and they were really related by blood and shared grandparents. So with you guys having NO blood ties and NO growing up together issues, I really think people should accept it. I'm sure that you might get an odd look or two, but no more so than say if you were black and he was white, or if you were Irish and he was Pakistani or so on. People overcome all sorts of societal issues when they fall in love and as the problems go, yours are very miniscule smile

Good luck!!
Posted By: Tirzah7

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 10/18/08 02:36 AM

I'm really curious as to know how things are working out now between you two? I hope and pray all is going amazing still for you both!
I'm wondering because... well, I have a step brother, and something simular to your situation has happened between us as well.

I could just use some advice, and/or encouragement from someone who has been down this road too.

Thank you, and God bless!

Posted By: "Rosie"

Re: Dating a Step Sibling - 10/18/08 10:18 AM

Tizah, welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy your stay!
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