im 17 and i had a miscarriage

Posted By: Lolipop

im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/16/08 04:03 PM

My boyfriend and I have been
going out for a year and a half.
on nov. 22nd, i conceived.
on thanksgiving night,
i went back to my boyfriends,
and we drank.
that was 5 days after i conceived.
i didn't know that i was pregnant.
3 weeks later, at 3 1/2 weeks,
i miscarried. (december 10)

my question is, do you think the alcohol
is what caused my miscarriage?
if so, why did it take 3 weeks to miscarry
if i drank 5 days after conceiving?
even though im only 17 years old, my
boyfriend and i are both against abortion, and we
were going to keep the baby. im taking
the miscarriage very hard, and i keep blaming myself.
my boyfriend says hes never seen me so depressed.
my main fear is that if i get pregnant again, my boyfriend
and i are going to have to go through all this pain
all over again.

can anyone help me or try to make me feel at least a little
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/16/08 04:22 PM

Lolipop...You need to suck it up and get on birth control!

You have a lot of your life left to have a family. This was not meant to be, and was a blessing in disguise!

Are you finished with school?
Do you have a job?
Do you have money in the bank?
Do you know how much money you need to raise a child?
Can you afford a place to live?
Do you realize this country is headed toward a depression?
Do you know how many people have/are losing their jobs?

You need to grow up and use birth control until you answer these questions.

Sorry for the bluntness but you are headed in the wrong direction. You are not even an adult yet.
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/16/08 04:26 PM

Miscarriages in early pregnancy are very common. Sometimes there is no "cause". It could be that the egg did not implant well, your body is just not ready, possibly the alcohol, there was something wrong with the fertilized egg.

Many women will actually miscarry at this point in their pregnancy w/out ever even knowing they were pregnant. The fact that you knew at only 3 weeks is extremely early.

Many, many women will have a sip or two of alcohol before they know the are pregnant. Now, that is much different from going out on drinking binges every night. You oinly mentioned drinking on Thanksgiving. That would be a festive time to drink, but the way you said "and we drank" just made me think "we got drunk".

I'll admit that I'm a little prejudiced against you trying to get pregnant again right now. I think you are too young. I have a 17 year old son who is a Jr in high school. I shudder to think of him as a father right now. He is completely unready for it. He's killed 4 goldfish in 1 yr and can't remember to clean out the cat's litter box on a weekly basis.

You're the same age as my son, the same age as the little girls he runs cross-country with. It is hard for me to imagine any of them with a baby either.

As far as guilt - I do not believe you need to feel guilty. A miscarriage is not an abortion. You made no concious effort to get rid of your baby. You did not even decide to drink while pregnant, you drank unknowing.

But I do believe the miscarriage is probably telling you your body is not ready yet. You are still growing and maturing pysically. You don't have much more to go, but there is a little bit. If you are serioius about wanting a baby, take at least a year from the miscarriage to get your body in shape. I'm not talking about pumping iron at the gym (although some exercise is good) but improving your nutrition, cutting out most junk food - jut easting healthier, cutting out the alcohol and any smoking if you do so (which is a far bigger risk of miscarriage).

And talk to your ob/gyn. See what he/she has to say about your miscarriage and your overall health.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/16/08 04:32 PM

Michelle you are so kind. She's not old enough to drink either!
Posted By: Lolipop

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 02:54 AM

I'm on birth control. I'm on Orthocyclen.
Posted By: Lolipop

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 02:56 AM

i never said im trying to get pregnant.
i said im scared it'll happen and i'll miscarry again.

im NOT trying to get pregnant.
Posted By: Kevin - Hockey

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 03:20 AM

While this advice is well intended and not incorrect, this is a forum concerning miscarriage and Lolipop did ask for information, which Chelle provided, and support which was not forthcoming.

Lolipop, Chelle is exactly right, it is highly unlikely that anything you did caused this miscarriage. A time of grieving is a normal thing and you should allow that. If you think you need any sort of counselling regarding depression, you should definitely look into that.

That being said, you have to look at what you can do with your life in a positive manner now. Don't dwell on the negative because that will not get you anywhere. Take this experience and look at ways you can change things in your life that will work for a better future for you. This is where the advice given comes in play.

You are young and you need to think about your future. I know you don't feel so young, but a time will come when you will wish you had the chance to work toward a bright future. Well, that time is now. You said you are not trying to get pregnant. Great! Now, look at the fact that you did and look for ways to make certain that doesn't happen again. A condom with the drug. This is important. Being pregnant so young and having to raise a child is not in your best interest or the child's.

Is there a problem with drinking? Look at that long and hard. Only you can decide what you are going to do, but make informed choices looking at what is best for your future. You matter, but you have to look out for you. (Yes, that's a lot of "yous" smile )

I hope this makes some sense and you can rest assured that you should not blame yourself for your miscarriage. Take care.
Posted By: Kevin - Hockey

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 03:25 AM

Just to add something: remember a miscarriage is traumatic at any point in someone's life. The fact that you are only 17 makes it even more so. I know you realize this because your subject header said "I'm 17 and I had a miscarriage." This shows you know you are too young to have to deal with that. So, please, make certain that you don't have to do so anytime soon.
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 04:48 AM

I'm sorry if my reply came off as more preachy than supportive - that is not what I intended.

I did misunderstand when you said "I'm scared it'll happen and I'll miscarry again"- I thought you meant you were worried about the miscarriage part, now I realize you were worried about both parts.

The main thing I was trying to say before is that losing a baby so early in the pregnancy is extremely common and there is not always an answer for it - which means really it is no one's fault. And moderate alcohol consumption during those first few weeks (when so many women do NOT know they are pregnant) does not seem to have any major ill effects on a baby.

I do still recommend to you talking about this with your gynecologist, though. Since you are on birht control, you are obviously getting yearly exams. This is the BEST person to help you set your fears aside both now and in the future when you are ready to try again.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 01:41 PM

I am so happy to hear that you are on birth control.

If you are on birth control, are you certain that you were pregnant? Did you doctor confirm that you miscarried? Your period could have just been late and you experienced flooding, a possible result of a hysterical pregnancy, not a miscarriage.
Posted By: Lolipop

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 06:34 PM

I took 2 tests and both said possitive. And then a few days later I got this huge pain in my side, and when I went to the bathroom, there was blood and gooey, chunky clumps. [sorry for the vulgarity]. It stopped a few hours later, and then started up in the same way. It was off and on for about 3 days, and then finally stopped completely.

My boyfriends mom got me a new pregnancy test, and it came up negative. So she took me to the planned parenthood near them, and they confirmed that I had a miscarriage.

Also, no, I don't have a problem with drinking, Kevin. I only drink about once a month, if that.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 06:44 PM

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your boyfriend's mom. That's great. I bet she has given you both good advice about waiting and that it was a blessing.

Are you feeling better now?

I have had both hysterical pregnancy and miscarriage so I'm well acquainted with the goo. LOL
Posted By: Lolipop

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 07:06 PM

I'm still upset about it. For the first few days, everytime I sat on the toilet I would start shaking because what I saw really traumatized me.

And yes, me and my boyfriend go to her for everything. We love her.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 07:17 PM

Are you reading the other posts by woman who have had similiar experiences? That might help.

I know it hurts both physically and emotionally. The more you think about it, the longer it's going to take for the memory to fade. Memories are designed to fade if you let them.

Try thinking about how to make this holiday a special one because you have a guardian angel you didn't know about.

Please cheer up!
Posted By: Lolipop

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/17/08 08:11 PM

I was afraid to post here, because I knew that since I'm so young I'd get judged for it.
I mentioned I drank , and people ask me if I have a problem.
I'm no different than any other teenager. I'm sure every parent out there has a child that doesnt tell them everything. So I drink once in awhile, I'm no different than any other 17 year old these days.

I'm only 17. I didn't WANT a baby. But that doesnt' make it any less traumatizing ):

I was afraid I'd get judged, and at first I did, but then people started being nicer and more understanding and now I'm kind of glad i posted here.
Posted By: Loquita Anita

Re: im 17 and i had a miscarriage - 12/20/08 04:59 AM

I'm so sorry hon! I was 17 when I had my son and I had all those same fears of being judged and stuff... but I'm so sorry for you loss, if you ever want to talk, i'll give you my email, I know of a few other forum's that would probably great for you.

And do NOT let older people (parents or not) get you down for having gotten pregnant or anything like that! Just kindly tell them that over half of ALL children conceived are UNPLANNED!

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