early miscarriage feel so helpless
Posted By: cc1980
early miscarriage feel so helpless - 12/17/10 01:59 PM
had an early miscarriage on 29th nov. was 6 weeks pregnant. had known for a week and was so happy. we had been trying for 7 months to concieve. i cant talk to my partner about it as he just changes the subject. i cant stop thinking about my baby and have myself worried that it will happen again if i manage to get pregnant. every one is telling me that its not that bad because i was only 6 weeks but to me i feel like my world has ended. i lost my mam 3 weeks before the miscarriage so i know my emotions are all over the place but i just feel like like it was a double blow , how do you get over something like this?
Posted By: Megan Lerae
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 12/17/10 08:52 PM
I'm so sorry. I dont know really how to get over it, im going through the same thing. this happened to me in july. i was 10 weeks and no one understands.they dont see it as a big loss either. especially my friends, they always talk down to ppl who were pregnant before married and then look at me.
Posted By: mercy11
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 01/05/11 09:39 AM
I can understand the pain, as I have gone through same disappointment.After 9 years long effort we got pregnant for the first time and lost it within 4 weeks in last december. Though our doctor suspected it may turn into miscarriage from the very begining, my hcg continues to rise. But suddenly it started to decrease with brown thread like discharge. It is a complete disaster for me and I am now waiting to have my period. I hope time can heal the pain, but dont know how long it will take. Can anyone please tell me if I can be pregnant again? If possible, when should I try again?
Posted By: Hope2
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 01/12/11 06:34 PM
I too had an early miscarriage in July 2010. I was only about a 1 month along possibly with twins. While the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues my doctor suggested that mine could have been due to traveling outside the country. My boyfriend was gung ho about taking a trip outside the U.S. I didn't think I was pregnant since I had so many false alarms so I went along, did some horseback riding, driving up tall mountains etc. I felt sick on the plane home and had trouble breathing. While there is controversy with air travel and miscarriages I was told by my OBGYN that her office advises no travel in the 1st and 3rd trimesters. I took a test the next day after arriving back home and it was positive, then confirmed it at my local clinic. I started bleeding 2 days later and rushed to the ER. While the ER doctor was hopeful, I still had a natural miscarriage. It is 5 months now and my body still thinks it is pregnant though I am getting my period but much shorter, my breasts still bother me, my nipples are always sensitive and I get severe nausea before my period. My advice to all women: If you are going to travel and are even half a day late for your menses, PLEASE take a test. I feel so guilty about my miscarriage because perhaps it could have been prevented. Also, if your body or instincts tell you to stay home, no matter what your husband/boyfriend says listen to yourself and don't travel, cancel your trip, there will be other chances to travel. While most miscarriages can't be stopped at least take percaution not to cause one. Thankfully they Bible says that aborted and miscarried babies will be resurrected once again, which gives me hope but that still doesn't help erase my guilt. Thank you and blessings to all who have suffered through a miscarriage. :)
Posted By: KJ88
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 01/15/11 04:15 AM
I came accross this forum as I just had my first and hopefully only miscarriage. Feeling isolated and alone, sad and empty I needed to find somewhere I could openly express myself without any judgement. I found out I was pregnant for the first time just before Xmas 2010. This was the happiest day of my life I did 3 urine tests to confirm my thoughts followed by another urine and blood test at the clinic. I had been wanting to be a mother for so long and this was the ultimate most amazing feeling in the world. I came home that night to tell my partner that we were expecting our first bubs! I was filled with so much excitement and joy words could not possibly describe my feelings. He took a few days to come to terms with the idea, but he started to show his excitement in many ways. So of course being a pregnant woman and on top of the world I started to plan things, I wanted to scream it to the world, we started to inform family, friends, work colleagues etc, I even bought a beautiful cot and changer and started to prepare our spare room for a beautiful baby.
Week 4-5 and I started feeling very sick, nauseus and had to take about 2 weeks off work. After 2 weeks my symptoms started to subside a little and I wondered perhaps was I over the whole 'morning sickness' stage or was something wrong? I had my first dating scan approx 4 weeks I think, they could not see the featus, but said it was just too early and so to come back in a couple of weeks for another.
I came back for a follow up scan and they could see the featus and measured it at 6.3weeks, but could not see/hear a heartbeat. This was quite distressful, and they told us it did not look good. As you can imagine our hearts just dropped and we left feeling so empty, I think we were almost preparing ourselves for the worst. That week I had several blood tests conducted, I felt so confused, angered, sad, worried and simply started losing hope. My hormone levels started to drop, my worst fear had become a reality, friends and family continuously tried to remain and keep me positive but I knew deep down that all hope was lost.
The clinic confirmed my pregnancy was not viable and miscarriage was inevitable. All of a sudden I felt this kind of heart break one cannot describe.
I was referred to The Womans and Childrens Hospital where I was assessed by their doctor and she gave me options on how to proceed, I chose to have the D&C surgery, they booked me in for a D&C operation the following day.
I woke up after the surgery feeling violated, empty and depressed.
3 days later I am feeling so isolated and sad. I never thought this would happen to me, I now look at all my friends who are fortunate enough to have children and hope and pray that I will be lucky enough to have a child.
My partner wants to try again, but later down the track (1-3) years, I however am very keen to try again straight away, I now feel this kind of void that is empty and needs to be filled, I feel lucky that I still have my partner and I love him but as awful as it sounds it's just not enough for me, I will forever remain happy with my partner but unhappy until I can be a mother.
If you are reading this and have been through something similar I would love to hear your happy endings, just to fill my broken heart with hope again.
Posted By: country bumpkin
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 01/28/11 03:55 PM
i also had a miscarriage and feel hopeless. this was my second pregnancy my daughter will be 7 in may so me and my husband were very excited about this one. i was 12 weeks tuesday 1-25-11 and miscarried on 1-26-11. not sure what happened dr. said it just did. very sad and confused trying to figure out what went wrong i had just had a ultrasound done on 1-11-11 baby looked great and heartbeat was strong. i have lost alot of loved in the past 10 years and nothing hurts as bad as this
Posted By: Sammyb
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 02/13/11 06:30 AM
I am going through the same thing as many of you. I found out I was pregnant a couple days after Christmas. I was super excited because my husband and I had been trying since we got married. We started planning, picking out furniture, and we even had the names picked. We played it safe by only telling family and few close friends until we had our first ultrasound. We went in at 9 weeks and had our ultrasound and the nurse said "there is no heartbeat... I need to get the doctor." It felt like my life came to a complete halt. I couldn't stop crying and my husband had to leave because he was going to pass out. I just had my D&C procedure last friday and I still feel so empty inside. I got soo excited to be a mom and take on that responsibility and I felt like I was robbed. Someone stole my chance and someone stole my amazing experience of having a child. My husband has been very supportive and is looking forward to trying again (which we aren't sure when it's safe to do so). He is being very positive and keeps telling me that we will have the chance again. I find myself crying often and I cannot stop thinking about the baby that I lost. He keeps telling me that I need to let it go and move on, but how do you let something like this go? It's different for men because they do not develop that bond with the baby like mothers do. I told him that I don't think that I will ever be the same until the void is filled and the only way it'll be filled is if I were to hear a healthy baby's heartbeat. I'm not trying to replace the one that i've lost, but I am trying to get those happy, excited emotions back that I was loving the experience of. I am so sorry that you all had to go through this. I hope that you are all able to conceive another baby soon. I have said a prayer for all of you! Stay strong and try to be as positive as you can. They say most woman go on to have many healthy babies after a miscarriage and that is the other positive thing I can think of in this situation.
Posted By: LauraK2011
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/09/11 01:27 AM
I am eighteen years old and have been through the exact same experience as all of you on this, with the exception of I didnt have a D&C, things just happened naturally. I was 7weeks pregnant and experienced light bleeding for 2 days, went to the hospital and was told I was OK and sent home. On the third day however, I experienced extremely heavy bleeding and strong cramps. I went to hospital and was told it was a threatened misscarriage. I went into denial and continued to live life as if I was still pregnant. My partner was upset but supported me- even when I refused to accept the fact we had lost the baby. A few days later I was brought in and misscarriage was confirmed. I fell apart outside the hospital and was in agony, physiccally and mentally, for the next few weeks. As nobody knew about the preganancy, I felt I should carry on normally. I fell pregnant again accidently a few weeks later and am now 26 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I have been on eggshells the whole time, going to the hospital with the slightest pain. I am delighted about my baby, but I am not over the miscarriage, even writing this I am crying and feel I can't stop. My partner doesn't want me to think about it as I should be happy about the baby we're having, but I just cant get over it. my due date was march 19th, i dont know how i'll handle it.
Posted By: mzungu
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/10/11 01:09 AM
I had a miscarriage right at 12 weeks and was totally devastated. I opted for the D&C when they saw no viable fetus on the ultrasound and my body had been carrying on thinking it was pregnant for 5 weeks without a proper miscarriage. Initially I was happy with my choice of the D&C, but now I wish I had just let my body work through it. i feel like my pregnancy just got erased. Worse yet, after the first week of sympathetic and awkward looks from people, it's like they just assume you're fine and if you bring it up, they get totally awkward about it. I dare say this is the most isolating experience of my life. My sympathies go out to all of you, but somehow it's nice just knowing that I'm not alone...that there are other women out there who get it. My mom told a friend of hers about my experience and found out that she had 4 miscarriages before she had 2 healthy babies. She remembers each and every one of them, particularly on their due dates. My baby's due date was supposed to be 2 days before my existing son's birthday. I think that will be a very hard week for me. I wanted so much to give him a sibling for his birthday. He'd been asking me for one for 2 years...I was so excited to be able to give that to him, to explore my baby's face and every nook and cranny of that baby, to watch that baby grow up and learn who he or she was. I get angry that there are not group counseling services or something for women who lose pregnancies. I feel like the only people who can possibly understand the loss and debilitating grief and sorrow are the others on this forum.
I wondered if I would ever feel better. My D&C was on January 3rd. I am finally feeling better. Am able to function. But thoughts of the baby crowd in on me all the time. I'm so thankful for the other women here who are sharing their stories.
For those of you who feel ready to try again right away (I'm not feeling ready unfortunately) my OBGYN said that after the D&C or miscarriage you can start again after the first period. I have a friend who had 3 miscarriages and then got pregnant within 6 weeks of her last miscarriage and now has a healthy baby girl. Everyone's body is different, but apparently some doctors say to wait 3 months until trying again to let the uterus 'settle'. My OB said that is usually the advice because they think women aren't psychologically ready to get pregnant until then. Well, I honestly think each of us knows when she is ready. So if you are trying again I wish you every success in your recovery, your future pregnancy, and that you have healthy babies in your future.
Posted By: cmlong3
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/11/11 05:08 PM
I just experienced a miscarriage on Jan. 25 at 12 weeks. I have 4 children. My second pregnancy I had what was called a vanishing twin at 8 weeks, but carried out and delivered my heazlthy son Ashtyn, who is 9. At that time, I wasn't very sad, as i had not yet heard 2 heartbeats, and ended up with a baby in the end. This time, after 2 more healthy pregnancies, was much different, as i heard a heartbeat, and saw the baby and heartbeat on ultrasound. I woke up early in the morning with cramps that were annoying and felt like they were in my lower back. I thought maybe it was just my back aching, (as I have lower back pain often normally) or that maybe it was gas or something. So I tried to go back to sleep. My 1 year old woke up at 5 per usual, so still crampy, I went to feed him a bottle. The pain was getting worse. my husband came downstairs, and asked if I still was having pain, and I said yes, let me lie down on the couch as it was coming and going like contractions. Just as I was about to tell him, maybe we should call the dr., it felt like when your water breaks. A gush of liquid came out and I ran upstairs to the toilet. My underwear were soaked with clear fluid. I was scared and phoned the dr, got answering service and was waiting for a call back. II was very scared. Then I looked down and there was this thick, mucus like string hanging out of me with what looked like tissue at the end. As I was told to go to the hospital immediately on the phone, this gush of blood came out and did not stop. At hospital I was losing so much blood so quickly, I was about to pass out, they started 2 ivs and pain medication. They confirmed I was miscarrying via ultrasound. No d&e was performed, dr. said let it take its course. However they wanted to give me a bag of blood as I came in at a normal number of 12 and within hours went down to a 6.2. I refused it cause I am always scared of disease. So they gave me iron supplements and kept me overnight. They gave me medicine in suppository form, as they came to find tissue and placenta were stuck in my uterus. I was sent home the next day. As of last week my hcg levels finally hit under 5 and are back to normal, although i am still bleeding and have only not bled about 5 days since the miscarriage. It has been a total of almost 7 weeks since that day. My blood level is only at an 8. They put me on birth control pills to try to regulate my hormones back to normal, and I am still waiting for the bleeding to stop. This has been such a sad, traumatic experience for me, and I feel for all of you as well. Nobody knows what it is like, until you experience this kind of loss yourself. I am sorry for all of your losses as well. Have any of you had issues with the constant on and off bleeding? I dont know if I will try again as of now I am very scared after this, yet feel i want one more child. I am on an emotional rollercoaster. Best wishes to all of you and i now know I am not alone. God bless:)
I'm sorry for your loss. People try to make you feel better by saying it's not so bad since you were not far along. I had miscarriages at five weeks and also at sixteen weeks and honestly, they were all devastating. It does get better eventually but it's not something you just "get over" even though it seems like people expect you to do just that. Hang in there.
Posted By: g_n_ellis
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/17/11 04:29 AM
Posted By: aliak
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/19/11 02:05 AM
I had a miscarriage this past Saturday, tomorrow will be one week. I was 8 weeks pregnant and found out when I had to go to the emergency room. I woke up Saturday night and my pants were completely saturated, I thought to myself.. What is going on here? I ran into the bathroom to discover it was all blood. I had a bad experience in the ER with the way that I found out what was going on. However I can completely understand where your coming from when you say that you feel helpless, I never thought that it would be this hard considering that I was not trying to get pregnant. I had not told anyone other then my mom and boyfriend up until yesterday. I told a friend, she ended up saying to me at least it happend early enough. She had also said it was my bodys way of saying its not ready right now. After getting off the phone with her I was more upset then before I had called. Nobody knows what runs through your mind until it happens to them. I think about it constantly and wonder why it happend. Im coming to find out that you don't get over something like this, time slowly heals. I feel like a part of me is missing, and am taking this very hard. When you said that your partner changes the subject I can relate, I can't get my boyfriend to say much of anything about the situation. This has been a very hard week for me,(as im sure you can all relate) as I found out I was pregnant and that I was having a miscarriage all in one night.
Posted By: cmlong3
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/20/11 12:42 AM
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know how hard it is to go through, and feel alone and distant. Right now you need support, especially from your partner. Don't give up hope and know that you still can try when you are ready. Take as much time as you need to heal, and you will always hold a place in your heart for this pregnancy. Even though your sister experienced some unfortunate times, doesn't mean that you will. Remember that everybody is different. My sister experienced 2 miscarriages and then went on to have 4 healthy children. Hang in there, and keep your head up. I know it is easier said then done, but prayer and faith can bring miracles. It's all in God's hands:)
I'm really sorry for your loss. Lots of miscarriages happen really early but that doesn't make them any less sad. It sounds like you have a really good handle on what's normal for your cycle, so you're probably right about the loss. I doubt that there was anything you could have done or not done to cause your miscarriage. Sometimes (most times actually) you can do everything perfectly and still suffer a miscarriage. Although I'm not a geneticist I believe that in most cases, having only one gene in a genetic mutation doesn't cause problems. I have one gene of the MTHFR mutation and thought it could be problematic for me but that wasn't the case. Hang i there.
Posted By: raynamitzi87
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 03/23/11 11:32 PM
So sorry for your loss, sincerely hope you feel better soon
Posted By: debra74
Re: early miscarriage feel so helpless - 04/03/11 02:45 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. I just had a miscarriage too and I understand how awful it is and although it was very early for me it does feel like part of me is missing too.
I went to the doctor with a really bad strep throat etc etc, I told her that I had had some strange bleeding 2 weeks beforehand and that perhaps it had been a miscarriage,she said it didn't sound like a mc but she didn't know what it was,she did a urine test,later that day someone called me and told me it was positive, I was shocked and delighted, I went back in the next day and the nurse and trainee doctor were congratulating me. The doctor said it was unlikely to be a false positive but to make sure I should get my bloods taken that day and three days later.The guy who took my bloods asked me if I had picked out names. I got a phonecall 6 hours after the second bloodtest to confirm that I had misscarried and was no longer pregnant- devestating.For 4 days I had thought I was pregnant and my baby was already gone.
I think that loss will always be with us but we will learn to cope with it. I am not religious but I now firmly believe that my baby had a soul(for want of a better word) and is happy somewhere. Be kind to yourself this is not easy.
Don't forget that we are also very hormonal. On a very superficial point to add insult to injury I have put on about 5 pounds in the last week and am told this is normal after a ms.
I would not presume for a moment that you cannot have perfectly healthy babies after a mc,my doctor told me that most women have at least one in their lives and also that it is not our fault.I am a very healthy fit person and had a baby three years ago with no problems. So although it does feel like it is our faults -it is not.Life is just very cruel sometimes.
Take good care of yourself xxxxD