My fiance has the habit of licking his fingers (loudly) and slurping his coffee. Both these behaviors drive me up a wall and I would like for him to stop but don't know how to bring it up without hurting his feelings. He is a wonderful man and I know he's not doing it on purpose to annoy me.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can ask him to refrain from these breaches of etiquette?

Thanks!

Hi lizard lover. I could not help but notice your name. I do hope the lizard you love is not your fiance'. If so, I'm afraid you have no real hope of correcting his etiquette breaches.

Jan <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No, it's not my fiance. :P

But I do love lizards...I think they're just terribly cute.

How about: "I don't know if you even know you do this, but did you know you make a lot of noise when you lick your fingers/slurp your coffee at dinner? I was raised to think those habits are very impolite and I can't help feeling the same way now even as an adult."

Or you could just play him a Three Stooges video where they are being taught manners and when he laughs just blurt out "What are you laughing at? that's how you eat!"

Consider your feelings in this....shouldn't he? Maybe the reason you don't want to bring it up, is because you feel intimidated by the possibility of a row....
Maybe next time he does it, you just need to say, "Jeez, I hate it when you do that!" face the wind, brace yourself, and get it out in the open. It's the little things which niggle.... remember, the bricks don't hold a house together, the mortar does....

You could possibly take him somewhere public where you think that other people might be doing what irritates you and say to him, in quite confidential tones, 'doesn't it irritate you when people do that sort of thing?' - if he says no, then you could say something like, 'oh well, I suppose it's just the way I was brought up/raised, it drives me up the wall/round the bend' etc. etc. If he goes on to say that he is guilty of it, then you could say something like 'oh well, maybe a little - but never as bad as that!' - thus making it clear that you don't like it, but also that he isn't the one you're 'immediately' irritated by...

just an idea - but Alexandra's probably right about the honesty thing <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

best wishes - Jane

Well this bit of advice is coming from someone who has been married for 15 years...so keep in mind that I've become a little more "comfortable" in my relationship and at this point in time I would most like just tell him straight out.

I would figure out a way to start out a conversation something to the effect "I love how open and honest we can be with each other" and gently bring it into the conversation. Do it lightly and with some humor so as not to hurt feelings and be willing to get some "advice" right back. Usually I will find a warm night and bring out the lawn chairs and blankets and work it into conversation while we are snuggling under a blanket and looking at the stars..the calm dark surrounding makes it easier to bring it up and it helps that we are both laying on our backs and I don't have to look him in the eyes. Those pretty blue eyes of his make me cave every single time.

If all else fails, maybe set up some sort of "reward" for him if he can get through dinner without the slurping. <wink, wink>