I recently became engaged and since that time I've noticed that my coworker says things to me that appear to me to be marked with some envy. She's a single parent and never married. She also had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago. We are nearly the same age (late 30s) and she'll constantly make remarks about how happy she is that she had a child when she was young and "I could not do it again at my age..." etc. etc. I'm really on the fence about whether or not I want children, mainly because I am horrified at the sight of a pregnant woman (I know. I know...it's not very nice of me, but I'm being honest). I find that reverse psychology works very well when I use it on her. I've never confronted her about her "true" feelings because I think it would be out of line on my part. It's obvious, though, that she deeply regrets that she can no longer have children and that she struggles with this probably on a daily basis, otherwise why would she feel the need to trumpet that to me so often. GOODNESS!!! I don't understand women who define womanhood by getting pregnant. Does anyone have any advice about this? Anything that I could say that would let her know that I KNOW what's behind the smokescreen? I'm not a jealous/envious person by nature, so I'm having difficulty finding ways to deal with a person like this, especially because I certainly do not want to cause her anymore pain than she is obviously experiencing in her life. Thanks!
Posted By: cunfusedtn
Re: Envious coworker or all in my head? - 01/19/07 04:22 AM
Sometimes it is best to just ignore the problem and let it work itself out. Your coworker is obviously troubled and jealous of your newfound love. She does not have a partner but does have a child which she feels puts her on a level above you. Your relationship and happiness bothers her because she is lonely and not happy and inwardly wishes that she had someone to be her friend. Her infertility also makes her insecure and feel as if she has less of a chance of ever finding a mate. Her meanness and brash manner represent her character flaws. I suggest being her friend and countering her criticisms with niceness. fell sorry for your coworker and don't e angered, she is upset, and confused, and needs friends
Posted By: Quenek
Re: Envious coworker or all in my head? - 01/20/07 06:17 AM
I think your best bet is to ignore her. Change the topic when she starts talking her mess. She's fishing for sympathy and attention because she feels diminished in that doesn't have a fiance nor the hope of having more children. It's a sad situation in which she finds herself, that's for sure, but what's sadder is that she lacks the grace to accept her limitations and to wish you the best.
Also, what is sad is that she's using her circumstances as a bully club to take out on you that which she cannot attain right now--as if it's your fault. As I said before, do not feed into her sympathy games. Shut it down as soon as it starts.
Best wishes on your engagement.
Posted By: Pam_Relationships
Re: Envious coworker or all in my head? - 01/23/07 06:17 PM
I agree, just change the subject and let her work her difficulties out. If it continues at some point you may want to politely direct her to someone who can help her with her issues. Be a friend unless she becomes downright nasty.