Posted By: jdohoney
what should I do? I don't even know where to start - 03/18/14 09:30 AM
I read this article â€œserial cheatersâ€ only hours after finding my own husbands infidelity. We have been together for five years which is such a short time compared to others celebrating their fiftieth anniversary. I had hoped that we would one day be celebrating our fiftieth as well but it seems like our time is slowly slipping away. Like most couples we started out great and over time the hardships of failed jobs in a bad economy have torn us down and in a desperate bid to keep a roof over our heads he joined the military, after coming home all the pressures of deployment loomed over us. My husband became detached and indifferent and this went on for months until finally one day he walked out and decided he needed a break from the pressures of life. He wanted to be single again and live a dependent free life. This of course crushed me but I had already found evidence of his potential cheating. I say potential because I donâ€™t know what else to call it. Late one night after months of gut instinct telling me something was going on, I started snooping and found he had been setting up online date accounts to chat, watch porn, flirt and have online sex. I had no idea how to take it; do I leave him for this? Is it even really cheating? What do I tell the kids? We fought and argued over my findings then one day he walked out of the house it was such a shocking eye opener because in that moment I knew it was serious. After two months of separation, crying and self-doubt I came to realize that he resented me and the kids and the responsibility that came with having a family. I believe that these feelings came from our hard times and his impending deployment which he later admitted was true. We worked things out and everything seemed to be on the mend but as his deployment crept up on us I started noticing things again; like how he wouldnâ€™t answer his phone while gone to drill and stayed out late with â€œbuddiesâ€ and when he came home his phone would be wiped of all history. With only weeks left before his deployment I had waited and finally found what I had been looking for. My husband was back to old hobbits and had joined several dating sites, some under fake names, but all of them â€œunmarriedâ€ and looking for a â€œdiscrete relationship and casual sexâ€ while he was away at drill. Reading those lines and the descriptions of himself broke my heart. Now I sit here trying to decide what to do and how to do it. Do I face him now before his deployment and make these last few weeks a terrible ordeal or do I wait until he comes home? I canâ€™t help but wonder if this is all his way of acting out because he is scared of this deployment or if this is his true habit and our marriage is at its end?