Hi, Im fairly new to this! Basically I am just lacking in the motivation area. I have it in my mind things I want to do, things I want to change in my life, a vision of who I'd like to be... but when it comes time to do it, I dont know how. It drives me crazy. I want to eat better, I want to sleep better, I want to exercise daily, I want to WANT to get out of bed in the morning, I want to enjoy work, I want to not have many fears and worries, I want to have a daily routine where I wake up happy, eat breakfast and enjoy my day. I just feel like I wake up to go to work. Instead of Waking up to live. I dont know if that makes any sense to anyone, but I just feel like my life is boring, yet I cant find the motivation to change it. I just feel unhappy with ME! I lack in confidence, I have a hard time meeting new people and making new friends - I just dont know what to talk to them about, possibly because I dont do much of anything. I wake up 15 min before I go to work throw on my work clothes, brush teeth etc etc go to work come home and watch tv, or sleep - I do go out but I dont really DO anything. I dont have any hobbies or things I really enjoy doing. I feel really lame. Does anyone have any advice??? I know what I want to be and I know I could be... actually, I know deep down I AM what I want to be - I just dont know how to bring it out in myself. Im really lacking... every skill and confidence to get myself to where I want to be. Been like this for as long as I can remember. I always have a plan to do something well (example school, every school year as a kid I planned to do well I promised myself I would get good grades that I wouldnt had in projects late etc.. and every year I failed myself.) And now I do it with every aspect of my life. I even write out lists of what I plan to do - yet I never follow it. Does anyone else have this problem??? I dont know what to do. Just looking for some advice. Thanks a bunch to those who read and respond to this.

Hi LaLa 21,

I've felt that way (or my version of it) many times...I loved "hearing" you say that you know - deep down - you are what you want to be! That is an awesome statement.

My guess (total guess - since I dont' even know you) is that you might not really be as interested in the things you mentioned (good grades as a kid...)as you think you are...maybe those things are things you think you're supposed to want to do well.

I wonder what you DO enjoy - you mentioned not DOing anything - and I have often seen myself of more of a BE-er than a DO er- and I know that that in itself can seem pretty odd in a DO-centered culture.

there's a great book (that changed my life) by Barbara Sher (I've mentioned it other places on Bella, too) called "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was." You might want to check that out (lots of libraries have it).

Good luck in your searching - I'd love to hear what you find out!

Hey Squarepegperson! Thanks for replying. I guess it's kind of difficult to really explain my problem to someone who doesn't even know me! lol... but what you said about Seeing yourself as more of a BE-er than DO-er.... that's very interesting to me. I've never thought about that. I guess for me it's almost as if I some how know who I am but the way I live does not reflect that person.

I will check out that book if I can find it <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Thanks!

I love your name, lala21--it sounds so happy <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree with Squarepegperson about Barbara Sher's book, too. It helped me move forward on a big change in my own life (I did know what I wanted but was just afraid to go after it). She has another book I really found helpful, too. Her website is http://www.barbarasher.com/

One thing I wonder about these lists you write--are they really the things you want to do or are they the things you think would make you an "ideal you"? What I mean is maybe you ARE okay, just the way you are. There's a dynamic known as the "diminishing rate of return." It means that you get less and less out of whatever it is you're doing, and generally, with school, many of us figured out that getting good grades wasn't really all that important to us at the time because we couldn't see any benefit to it in return (other than to please others). Later we learned about scholarships, etc. But unless there's a high enough rate of return for you, you're not going to be motivated to do anything on your list, no matter how much you believe you want it.

So my suggestion is to examine the "returns" on these changes you want to make. If you want to post one such change, maybe we can help you brainstorm possible returns for it that would trigger some real motivation in you.

Hey Barbara Sloan, I will have to check out those books and her website! Sounds very interesting.

If I was OKAY just the way I am, then why am I unhappy with the way I am? I'm not looking to please others. I just want to accomplish more in my day. I want to have a routine that makes me feel satisfied with my day. I just never seem to be able to stick to it. When I write myself a list of things that I would like to accomplish in the day or week, I do this because I think maybe if it's written down then it's a visual that I can follow - but that doesn't seem to be working lol. So I figure I'm just lacking the motivation to do it. I mean, to me having a daily routine would balance out my life. It would help me eat better, sleep better, have a cleaner house, exercise properly, be healthier, feel less stress, feel more accomplished, and over all just be happier.

You might also want to examine the possibility of clinical depression.

I suffered from this for years, before it got so severe that I had to do something about it - but in the beginning it was just sort of a malaise that kept me from being happy and doing things. I stayed in bed a lot, or wanted to, and just sort of - made it through the day, without really enjoying anything I did.

I also suffered (still do) from insomnia, weird eating habits - sometimes gorging, sometimes not eating (I've had a gastric bypass now). But the counseling and anti-depressants have made a huge difference! For one I am writing for this site! <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am also writing music and auditioning for plays and commercials. And am working a part time job that has me out in front of people - things I would have never thought og being capable of doing before.

Just something to think about...

Hi lala21,
Great feedback you're getting--I couldn't have said it better myself, both your dilemma and the responses lol. I think many of us have been where you are right now--just kinda stuck in limbo. I'm a list-maker too, and totally not a social butterfly (read: I prefer being at home), and I can absolutely relate to what you're going through. When people used to ask me "where do you live" my answer was always, "I don't really live, I exist." Pretty much sums up the way I viewed my life. Can't say I had any major breakthroughs, but I will tell you: it's easier to get from Point A to Point B when you pick one thing on your list--just one thing, and take the first step in that direction. If you want to eat better, sleep better, exercise more, get a hobby, meet more people--that's a huge list! Maybe if you pick just one thing--just one area you really want to work on first--you can break it down into bite-sized chunks (like that joke: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time")--do the very first thing on your list to get just that one thing done. You want to eat better--find some healthy recipes and take the list of ingredients for just one recipe to the supermarket with you. Buy the stuff on the list and when you get home, make that one dish. That's totally do-able, and just the act of doing it will give you an amazing sense of accomplishment. And don't think so much about the goods and bads and indifferents--we all suffer from some form of "paralysis by analysis" where we ponder things so much they just get muddier by the minute. Sometimes it helps to "just do it" like Nike says. Sometimes I have to force myself to sit down and get things done, and of course my inner child just pouts the whole time, but I get stuff done and I always feel great after I've done it. Like, HA! I did it!

I hope you're able to get over this "hump" and be the you that you know is inside. It helps to share like you're doing here too. Just knowing that you're not alone goes a long way toward relieving some of the stress and anxiety.

WOW! Thanks everyone! You know, I have considered depression as a possibility. My dad is bi-polar! And these things run in my family.

I can't write much right now cuz I have to go to work, but thanks to everyone who replied. You have given me a lot to think of.

If you are hapy about your self at this moment, then forget every thing and you are perfect.
You should always see from your point of view only. If you think something and do some other thing, then you are dualistic in nature. To do what we think and what we speak, is the gretest thing one can achieve.
First sit and decide what you want among many things you scrible. Decide from your heart. This comes as 'FEEL'. Feel for it and if you are in total with your thinking in total, you have made the first step. You will automatically move towards it by working for it. Always we want what we feel.
To achieve what you 'feel' and be non-dualistic, Meditation helps you abundantly. Spend some time in Meditation every day.

Meditationguru

Did you feel that you were depressed when you were diagnosed with depression? I hope I am making my query understood.

I had considered the possibility, but didn't want to be "labeled" that.

It wasn't until I was trying to get my gastric bypass surgery done that everything came to a head. For insurance purposes (and for my particular surgeon) you have to pass a psychological exam before having the surgery done. I scored a 95% on anxiety and 98% on rage (which is depression turned inwards towards oneself on the particular test I took). I broke down crying when I was given the results, because the psychologist nailed everything on the head.

I had to go through 6 months of therapy before I could be re-evaluated for the surgery. I am still under treatment for depression, and have since had my surgery. I have lost 80 pounds and like I said am doing things I never would have dreamed before. Things are not perfect and I still have terribly blue days at times, but I no longer have what I used to call the "bile-black" days where I couldn't get out of bed. <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have a blog with all kinds of motivational and inspirational comments. You should check it out at http://mlmsuccesscoach.wordpress.com

Lala, I agree with WBG's answer, especially--it could just be that you're in "overwhelmed" mode, too. You have a long list of changes you'd like to make, and then not doing the list kicks in yet another problematic dynamic in that you start feeling like a failure, and pretty soon you have this whole thing going where you look around, don't do anything, and hate yourself for it. Believe me, I've experienced this same thing, and the answer is twofold:

First, you have to equip yourself with the tools to handle yourself psychologically, whether it's self-help books, an online forum like this one, tactics you get from a life coach or counselor, or all of these. These tools give you methods you can put into action the minute you see yourself getting into a swamped or negative situation or even before, so you can prevent one from gaining hold of you (such as not piling up too much on yourself).

Second, feeling dissatisfied with or detached from life can be caused by a variety of actual physical issues, so it would also be good to examine your nutrition/diet, sleeping habits, and overall physical health. Depression in some people is actually a symptom of a vitamin/mineral deficiency, for example, or a lack of enough sunlight (I experienced this, called "seasonal affective disorder," when I lived in Missouri, and just turning on the lights made me feel energized and uplifted!).

At least you've taken a first huge step by posting here. We're all pulling for you! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Barbara

you seem to be fighting very well. Congrats.

Thanks everyone! All of your comments have been great to read. Lately I have been feeling pretty good. Not 100% but I'm feeling my stress level slowly coming down. There's been alot of changes in my life recently. But things are seeming okay right now <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Then again I have been very busy and haven't had much time to think about those things that bother me, but maybe that's the key! Keep busy! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But thanks everyone who replied, you have no idea how it's helped <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"Then again I have been very busy and haven't had much time to think about those things that bother me, but maybe that's the key!"

Absolutely. This is a profound spiritual concept. The Talmud says that inactivity or stagnation is like death because there is no point to every breath you take. When you are utilizing your potential there is purpose to every breath you take. Sometimes thinking and thinking about something is detrimental because you have veered off the path of activity and are viewing your world from the periphery - a strange sense of isolation develops as if you are not fully engaged in life.
Having said that it is important to be engaged in the right kind of activity. If its isn't, you may not get depressed or demotivated, but you will find yourself agitated by your position.

Yitzchak
souldiet.com

You don't lack motivation, it is simply a case of your motivation being limited. Apart from all the other reasons mentioned, the main issue here may well have something to do with your level of self-esteem.

When you have self-esteem, you're all the things you say you 'lack'. When esteem is low, you're where you are now. It is very easy to get labelled with a condition. The problem then, is that you run the risk of self-fulfilling - your beliefs become your reality.

Take steps to assess your level of self esteem, which I am convinced may well be the root of the issue. To help you, here are a few self esteem building activities you might find useful.

[url=BellaOnline ALERT: For anti-spam reasons, we restrict the number of URLs allowed in a given post. You have exceeded our maximum number of URLs.

Thank you Festival. I'm going to take a look at these and give them a shot. They look very interesting <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Many books I have enjoyed that helped me through years of unhappiness and struggles, were books written by Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, Chris Widener, and the one I am reading now "Your Best Life Now", by Joel Osteen. All these writers tend to address life, goals, dreams, motivation, inspiration, which helped me tremendously. Additionally, I ordered an eBook, which helped me in the above areas, but also helped me learn to really start journaling, which taught me how to address areas of my life that were making me feeled depressed, unmotivated and basically down on life. Just a thought, and I pray through all of these wonderful ladies who have answered your forum question, that it will help you see how truly special you are!! Sandy

www.weightlossgodsway-faith.com

Thanks Sandy.. that was very nice of you. Everyone who has replied has given me something to think about!

Your welcome, and let us know how you are. Remember, sometimes just talking about life does help.

Sandy

www.weightlossgodsway-faith.com