What happened?

Posted By: sweetkb713

What happened? - 08/13/08 06:41 PM

Excuse me, but an entire thread was deleted from this forum. Could I get an explanation, please? I was merely asking a question. That doesn't seem right to me that you'd just delete my thread without communicating with me first.

Is this what happened before when all the old posters suddenly disappeared? Did you just delete them off the face of the planet?

Why aren't any of the newbies posting anymore, either? Were they censored beyond belief? Or maybe they didn't exist to begin with. cool
Posted By: karenb

Re: What happened? - 08/13/08 08:09 PM

I was wondering the same thing. I didn't think the thread was offensive or were just stating your opinion.

In the past, there were issues with what was being said and how it was being said. A lot of people left. I'm a former poster who's been off the board awhile, but I'm starting to see why people left.
Posted By: M.B.

Re: What happened? - 08/13/08 08:23 PM

Things certainly have changed around here...
Posted By: on_a_roll

Re: What happened? - 08/13/08 08:28 PM

what was the thread about?
Posted By: sweetkb713

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 03:30 AM

I simply asked why this is a forum for "everyone who doesn't have kids for whatever reason" can be called a child-free forum. I disagreed with the "smile and nod and be happy" policy that this forum now advocates - while sweeping every single opinion that doesn't jive with their "please everyone" policy.

It's sad, but true. I watched it happen a few months ago, but I was just a lurker then.

Now I see how hypocritical everything is. It's sad that members are constantly reminded about what a "happy" place this is, and how we don't tolerate any negativity.

Well, guess what? Life isn't all sunshine and roses. There's a lot of negativity out there, but it doesn't mean that we're all haters of some kind.
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 01:28 PM

The thing is - this has never been called the "Child-Free" forum. It has always had the title of "Married No Kids" forum. Which includes people who don't want kids and people who can't have kids.

At least it has always had that title since I've been here, and I started writing for BellaOnline back in 2005.

So Kim is writing for a wide variety of people. And not every single article is going to please every person every time.

But, since we write as volunteers, we sometimes take things a little more personally (at least I know I do) because I can't just pass this off as "oh, this is my job" - I'm writing things that I have personal belief or passion for.

BellaOnline is a place about support. There are loads of forums around that have negative slants - we never want our forum to be that way. We want women (and men) to feel positive when they come here, to feel there is someone that has their back and will listen and be there to pump them up. That was the reason I found BellaOnline in the first place (Depression discussion drew me in).

Support doesn't always mean "happy", but it does mean positive and looking for ways to improve; not ways to drag others down.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 03:09 PM

Michelle is absolutely right.

Sweetkb713, I just sent you a PM.

Posted By: Jilly

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 03:14 PM

Just a note to everyone, if a post is disrespectful to others, it is not welcome here and it WILL be deleted. In the words of a CF forum you may know of elsewhere, we reserve the right to determine what is offensive.
Posted By: Jeanne Egbosiuba Ukwendu

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 04:00 PM

I've been here from from the beginning and we've never had a "Child Free" forum or topic. It has always been "Married No Kids".

There are plenty of CF forums on the internet. has chosen to take a different viewpoint and welcome those who are child-free by choice and those who are child-free by circumstance.

We here at have no tolerance for people who make posts that are considered rude, hateful, inconsiderate, flames, trolls, etc. These posts can be edited, locked, or deleted by a moderator at any time.
Posted By: chiak

Re: What happened? - 08/14/08 11:13 PM

And thank you for that: the editing and deleting of inappropriate posts. That is why I come here- because it is what it is: a forum for people Married with no kids.
Keep up the great work!! smile
Posted By: LadyLvsNyt

Re: What happened? - 08/15/08 12:16 AM

I mean no offense or disrespect but isn't that like trying to mix oil and water? Seems to me like those who choose to be Child-Free and those who are Child-Less are coming at life from the polar opposite extremes and would rarely if ever see eye-to-eye. Doesn't that make for a contentious forum even if you try to play nice? That is like having one forum for Democrats AND Republicans and telling them not to debate! (I honestly thot the forum was for Married NO Children as in say NO to children, not Married No Children as in can't have children but want them. But I hope I have not been rude--I did not mean to be. I am brutally honest sometimes--but I hope people understand it is my opinion and I do not intend to preach.)
Posted By: Vance - Crime Editor

Re: What happened? - 08/15/08 12:40 AM

There is nothing wrong with debating in the forums until the debates become heated and then there is some name calling. I have been the recipient of those myself and I have been involved with some heated debates in other forums.

It is easy to get drawn into a debate that becomes heated but when name calling develops or someone, as Jeanne pointed out, flamers, spammers, etc... will not be tolerated. All of the editors here do this for free. We research information to write a weekly article, and some write more than once a week, which can be a painstaking process at times and we do it to keep you informed and we put a hundred percent effort into the articles and we also try to answer questions that are brought up in our forums. We are here for YOU so you dont have to take the time to research things. We do it all and put it in articles and in forums and even provide easy to follow links for you to try and take the work so you dont have to.

We do it for free, provide forums for you for free and keep the pop up ads out of here. We dont spam you, sell your email adresses, or none of that [censored] that other "free" forums do. If you have a problem or a concern about anything here at Bella, in our forums, in our articles, or whatever, and do not want to post it in the forum, you are free to pm or email the editor of that forum or any editor and if we don't have the answer, we will do our best to get it for you.

There are editors who do take it personally when you complain about an article or a statement in the forums, because then we feel like we have done something wrong and let you down.

Sorry for the lengthy post but please keep these things in mind when we have done something that you do not agree with.
Posted By: MiraKitty

Re: What happened? - 08/15/08 04:05 AM

Originally Posted By: Vance Wrestling and Crime

There are editors who do take it personally when you complain about an article or a statement in the forums, because then we feel like we have done something wrong and let you down.

As a writer I understand this; however, if someone has a complaint or negative reaction to an article, it usually arises from a misunderstanding. The author can then clarify what he or she meant, and often the conflict is resolved. Or, there continues to be a debate, which isn't, like you said, necessarily unhealthy. Offending posts can be deleted while still maintaining the debate. Deleting the entire topic may have been an extreme measure, but of course it is up to the editors/mods to decide.

Perhaps a way to settle what seems to be a growing unrest here is to provide separate forums? Is there a way to request a strictly child-free board, or something similar? Like many who came here the tone of the boards to me was truly Child Free but seems to have shifted. I'm not sure if this is feasible but perhaps might be a good solution?
Posted By: chiak

Re: What happened? - 08/15/08 03:07 PM

I see what you mean with polar opposites of choosing not to have children versus not being able to have children, but I was thinking this is about married life with no kids (either chosen that way or resigned to it after not being able) not really a support for people who are probably distraught that they can not bear children. That definitely must be a difficult and emotional issue for those in that situation. I would never want to offend or hurt someone who is upset over really wanting kids but just couldn't! I wonder what the name of a forum to support someone specifically unable to conceive children who is probably going through more of a grieving process would be so that there would be something very focused on that situation? I imagine people in that position would want a specific area because that is a very sensitive issue whereas those of us who choose to be child free are actually discussing a lifestyle we had control to choose with all the issues that come with that (of which mostly would be more of a celebratory mind-set). Sure are two totally different situations in life. hmm confused
Posted By: kimkenney

Re: What happened? - 08/15/08 06:44 PM

Time for me to chime in here.

I'm not sure where this idea of "childless" vs. "child free" came from. I have always considered this site "child free."

The recent issues we have experienced here, however, have little to do with this distinction and more with posters being offensive and rude. Which will not be tolerated in this forum.

Yes, this site is called Married No Kids. I have tried to include people who regard themselves as "childless" in the past, but honestly, that is only a very small percentage of the people who come here.

My focus is and always has been people who don't want kids. Which to me is "child free." The text of the "Automated Note" -- written by BellaOnline owner Lisa Shea -- talks about this as a child free site as well.

I am not in a position to write for people who want kids but can't have them, because that is not my reality. I know it is difficult for the childless to find support, because most groups out there either focus on people not WANTING kids, or INFERTILITY sites who are aimed toward people who are still hopeful and still trying.

If you have decided to quit trying to have kids and regard yourself as "childless," I suggest this forum:

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