I don't know what made me think of this tonight, but I have to share...

I recently got back in touch with a friend from high school. She is actually very cool about my CF stance, and I don't detect any tension despite the fact that she has two little ones. This friend has always been a size zero. It's hereditary, her Mom and brothers are all really tiny people. I was never fat growing up, like a size 4. But let's face it, a size 4 is not a zero. And she would always talk about how fat certain people are that were actually average sized people. I went through a phase as a teen when I ate next to nothing, and the smallest I've ever been is a 4. I'm just not built that tiny.

Anyway, I'm now 36, and I'm technically a size 6, but stuff is starting to get a little tight and I'm starting to put on weight in odd places, like my back? Time to get more serious about exercising, I know. So my husband met my old friend, and I was telling him how she's always been a zero. I was complimenting her, you know. And she said something like "it's from chasing the kids around all day." or "you should chase these kids around all day." But I think she said I would be a zero too if I was chasing kids around all day. But I so wouldn't. She wasn't calling me fat, and I know I'm not fat, although I definitely need to start exercising regularly.

It felt like a bingo but I don't know if it counts technically. Anyone else hear this one, or something similar? I don't know if I'm being too sensitive, but it just felt like another one of those comments.

I think if it feels like a bingo then it is one. The whole idea of a bingo being something that makes the childfree person uncomfortable or something that's downright rude.

I have no clue what a size 6 is, over here in Australia I'm a size 16 on top and 14 on bottom. Aside from surgery I'll never be less than a 14 on top even when my ribs stick out thanks to a rather large chest. I dread to think what would happen to *that* if I had kids, it's already too big by far! I have also been told I'd lose weight running after kids... oddly enough by a woman who never lost the 3 dress sizes gained after pregnancy. Needless to say I didn't see that as much of a bingo!

Yeah, I heard that one too by a rather uncouth wife of a guy I used to work with. And I can see how you could view that comment as a bingo (a parent throwing out a reason to have kids at a CF person)...it's like saying, "If you had kids, you could easily keep weight off, too!"

Not trying to be mean, but how does that explain all of the women who tend to keep their pregnancy weight even after they have the baby? Lots of women have trouble losing weight after a baby, then as the kid is into toddlerhood, a lot of moms will finish a meal the kid didn't finish, as well as her own, and I've heard that's a major problem contributing to the weight gain. Often women become less active after kids, especially if they don't make an effort to exercise when the baby is born and it's easier to stay home and look after baby. If the size zero woman was accurate, all moms would be size zeroes! Different people have different metabolisms and activity levels.

Cindy

Eh, I was just giving validity to happytobechildfree, not the size zero woman.

That woman, as Happy said, probably has a killer metabolism, as do so many other tiny women I know. They are the ones we love to hate -- the ones who can eat anything they want at any time of the day and still never gain a pound. On the other hand, I can fluctuate up to four pounds in a single day (mostly due to dehydration and rehydration).

BTW Cookie -- I never heard that a major contribution to mothers gaining weight comes from their finishing off their kids' plates. *giggle* Reminds me of people who look across the table at someone else and ask, "You done with that?"

Oh, I know you weren't validating the size zero woman. It sounds like she enjoys bragging about her size, which isn't really Nice, as it can have the effect of making other people feel she is demeaning them for not being a size zero. I just think the size zero post-pregnancy woman is the rarity, not the norm.

A few years ago, I was selling my 1996 Mustang, and a woman who had seven kids ended up buying it as her "fun" car (the family had a 12 passenger van to cart the family around). She was tiny! My mom asked her "Did you have all those kids YOURSELF?" (She didn't bring the kids with her to pick up the car, fortunately!)

Cindy

Being a size 0 is a pretty ridiculous goal for most women and wouldn't be healthy anyway!! I am always irritated by people who obsess about weight -- their own and other people's.

I have to say that most of the women I know who have had kids weigh more now than they did before! The reasons are probably many and varied. Sometimes the weight gain from pregnancy just doesn't come off that easily.

But, ladies, that is something WE'LL never have to deal with!! :-)

Kim
MNK Editor

Agreed. And also something we'll never have to deal with is the stretched skin. I don't care if they're a size zero, if they can fit in Barbie jeans - whatever - many of them have belly skin that sags/wrinkles that will only "improve" with age.

Heck, I never even had kids, and I'm a size 5...at 36, lemme tell ya, your stomach, even when toned with crunches, isn't as taught with elasticity as it was at age 25! Trying the best I can to keep it youthful and tight, but I can't imagine how icky it would look if that same skin would have looked now...and at age 40...if it had been stretched. I even know a woman at my former job who, at age 31 and a size zero, who had a tummy tuck because of that saggy belly (preggers) skin.

At the risk of sounding mean, that stretchy belly skin would bother me and I wouldn't blame my husband for being turned off.

I agree BillieCat. It would feel very sad, but I wouldn't blame my husband either. But even if we don't have kids, both of us will develop sags. wrinkles, and strange growths as we age either way.

Size 0??? That seems very extreme to me. I'm not fat, but am tall and not petite.

I have heard that bingo!! My next door neighbor said it to me, but I took it more about herself, and didn't take it too personally that she was saying I should have kids to lose weight. It didn't come out quite that badly. But, it did stick in my brain, so I see what you mean. I wondered about it because I didn't buy it! The woman saying it wasn't any skinnier than me, and larger actually. She's about 10 yrs. older than me though. So, I think I remembered it because I kind of thought, "Yeah right, actually maybe it's not working as well as you think." (I know, that's mean, and I'm not saying I'm perfect in any way shape or form, or superior to her...I have to work at it too).

Anyway, I read an article pretty recently about a study that said that parents statistically weigh more than non-parents overall, and it's partly because they finish the meals, and also because they tend to have more junk food and snacks around, and since their kids eat more often, it influences the parents to snack more. It was also because it was harder for them to fit in regular exercise.

I can totally see that happening to me!!

She's totally the rarity. Yeah, she's always been that way. Someone like that doesn't get it. She's never struggled with her weight, and she doesn't know that even under the most ideal conditions, most people are not naturally a size 0. I have sat alongside her and ate next to nothing, while she eats like a cow. I think she's insecure because she always had really bad skin.

Anyway, yeah, most of the women I know that have had kids go up a few sizes. I know it must be harder to lose weight once the kids come along. There isn't a lot of time to exercise, and once you start getting older, changing your diet alone usually doesn't work. You usually have to exercise. And I think something happens to a woman's metabolism, too, once she has kids. I can see the parent finishing the kid's plate b/c kids seem to rarely "clean their plate" and often waste food.

This same friend told me that she was ripped from front to back when she had her first baby. I'm sure it was because she was so tiny. And my sister got horrible stretch marks on her stomach, and she had my nephew almost 8 years ago, and it still looks really bad. I've also seen a lot of women end up with a pouch that seems to stick around.

Chasing kids isn't aerobic activity. I know it wouldn't have any impact on my weight, but it would impact my mental health!

My brother in law has recently lost a lot of weight since they had baby #2 who is almost a year old. Babies are 16 mo. apart. My sister is also down to her pre- pregnancy weight.

They credit it to eating with the kids. Mealtime is fast, and when the kids are finished, they are finished and it's full-on bathtime-bedtime routine. After that no more eating for the adults. I'm sure they are just exhaused and lost interest in eating.

I would HATE that. I really enjoy nice dinners with my husband. We have a beautifully set table, all the food on the table in serving pieces in the dining room (not every night, but when I cook, we have a lovey dinner- about 2-3 times a week.)

Dinner is the best part of the day.

And BTW I hate to throw away food, but can't imaging eating the picked over leftovers from a toddler. YUCK.

I am lucky that I usually get the OPPOSITE of that! I get told I've lost weight - true! - and how did I do it? And I say and then they'll say "Oh but it's easier for you, you never had kids."
Said a bit wistfully in a way!
And my colleague who was a chef and is a great cook said to me yesterday she has to pop things in from the freezer for dinner now cos the kids have after school activities EVERY NIGHT!!
OK, now moi? I HATE cooking!
My husband cooks but if I was on my own I would probably be relying on the freezer and microwave meals. BUT
she was a chef and the ONLY reason she changed that was because of the kids AND she
has said she loves to cook.
Sad she no longer has the time!
What else?
I am

the opposite of short stuff. Probably the same two sizes but I am one size bigger on the bottom than on the top. Have a great waist though!
Now, I have heard that if I had a baby my waist would probably go. Plus I've battled my weight on and off for a lot of my life NOT gonna make it WORSE!
AND babies can make your hips bigger and your butt I think and I have ENOUGH of THAT probably glad I don't have to accentuate it by having a baby! (or three!)
Even
the colleague with a lovely figure said she today she is doing lots and lots of crunchies cos having
babies made her flat stomache not flat anymore.
Youngest is about four now, I think.
Having said that I think I'm gonna start doing crunchies too!

Do comments like that ever make you feel BAD for NOT having kids? Like you want to reassure them and put yourself down, instead of agreeing? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I need to defend myself or put myself down to make THEM feel better.

My extra weight was put on after an injury that seriously slowed me down for a couple of years, as I've said here before. I'm very slowly dropping it, though, because I'm as active as this messed up knee will let me be.

I would be forced into virtual bed rest early in pregnancy if I ever got knocked up. My bad knee couldn't handle that much extra weight. Hmm, sitting on my butt for 5 or 6 months? Sounds a little fattening, based on my previous experience!

The funny thing is, I'm still the smallest (in height and width) woman in my family, despite being big boned, a bit too muscular, and gimpy. But I'm also the only CF woman in the family. You do the math.

She might not have meant anything by it. I've always been on the small side myself and have had many people get oddly confrontational about my weight, especially if they see me eat. I try to change the subject ASAP, usually mentioning that a lot of my work is physically demanding (which it is!). It's not a comfortable subject, as I'm very aware that other people have difficulty in this area and I don't want to rub it in.

myrabeth, what did you do to your knee? Sounds pretty dang painful!

I'm so sure that having kids would make you lose weight. The only mothers I've seen that are "trophy wives" are the ones that belong to rich gyms and have nannies watch their kids while they do 4 hours of spinning whilst eating cavier and watercrest salads.

I'll skip the gory details for now, 'cause I doubt anyone really wants to read all of that. I'll just say that part of my left knee cap is "no longer with us" and I have arthritis. This happened when I was at the ripe old age of 21, with a manual labor job, so you can imagine what an impact it had on me. As I've said, I limped for 2 years. Now the limp only shows when I'm very tired or have over exerted that joint (or popped the knee cap out of position). The knee still gives out on me occasionally (again, mostly when I'm tired).

Having kids apparently slows the metabolism (I can't remember where I read that). Mine is slow enough already, thank you!

EW myra!!! EW!!! You should have given us the details because now I'm imagining all kinds of icky things!!!

I love icky details! That's doesn't sound like a very good time though myra. I'm picturing your knee in my head and wow, just wow.

Ha, kitty, I just imagined myra's knee in your head, too. I don't think that's what you meant. Lord, I need a nap!

If you really want to get grossed out, my doc gave me some pics from the camera they had INSIDE my knee during surgery. I could upload them!

(Kidding. I wouldn't do that. I don't even like looking at them. I don't even know why I still have them...)