I just got an email from an old friend who is pregnant. She emailed everyone in her address book a scan of her ultrasound and a few details.

And then last night my husband saw his sister and she was telling "hilarious" stories about her husband's antics at the doctor's office.

I said this is another reason that we're never getting pregnant. I am not discussing my doctor's visits with ANYONE.

My husband is sure that when his sister and I reconcile she'll tell me all the hilarious stories. Yeah, that's okay. I'd rather not hear it.

I get told great stories about breast pumps.........

Every gory story I hear is affirmation of my CF choice. It feels good!

Especially the stories about going into debt, and the loss of romance with your husband........

I think it is a fun (and morbid) act of humor to go through my weekends, every now and then, to think to myself, and/or talk to my wife about it, how we could NOT be doing what we are doing together, if we had kids with us.

It truly validates our choice to be CF to be reminded of our gift to ourselves -- which is ourselves, the relationship between my wife and myself, and the peace we have. Ultimately, that is what it is all about -- being happy with each other, damned what society says!

LOL i had to laugh at the breast pumps comment...i had the good luck to work labor and delivery for two years, and I don't know how many times I wanted to take a baseball bat to one of those things.


Skeeter

I think some of those morbid (sad) stories are ways that they laugh at themselves so they won't cry. I personally don't think the loss of my sex life with my hubby would be funny. I would cry over that.

I was telling my husband how if we had kids I couldn't have been able to lay around on the couch all weekend. He looked at me all strangely and said, "I know some of your friends have deadbeat husbands, but I would do my part."

How do you tell your husband how laughable that is when he can't even take out the garbage?

Not to mention that if soccer games or gymnastics competitions got in the way of his precious Bears game, he'd probably be all ticked off?

you are so right!
Ive just been recalling my weekend of bliss while parent friends told me:
-they spent 1/2 a day looking for childs clothes
-sunday taking little whatsit to ballet
-hosted whatsits bithday party with 10 other screamers
etc, etc

We had coffees, lunches, lye ins, meals and romance instead!
Lise

I know a girl whose husband doesn't do anything. She ends up sitting in gymnastics meets for 8 hours and then the next day spends the day taking both kids to their respective soccer practices or games. She never has a weekend to herself.

And even if my husband helped out, of course I'd go to all those events, so I still wouldn't have a weekend to myself, right?

Ingilbert,
My Dad made an equally laughable comment 6 months ago after my girlfriend and I split up. His comment was "You should not have gotten a vasectomy. You should have kept your options open because you might meet a woman who wants a family and won't want to adopt." This comment comes from a man who did NONE of the grunt work in raising his 3 sons. My mom is the one who baby-sits the grandkids when they visit us if the parents want a night out.


Mike

Quite apart from the fact that if you met a woman who wanted a family and didn't want to adopt, she wouldn't last past the first date ... but I guess he doesn't get that either!

Mike, I can't imagine why your dad WOULDN'T want you to have kids. I mean, he had all of the glory with NONE of the work! Why wouldn't he want your life to be as great as his has been? What was the downside for him? (sarcasm here) Your mom did all the work, and he got to take credit for siring wonderful children!

Cindy

lngilbert, thank god you're missing out on those stories. I'll never forget one day when we were having lunch with some friends who had a three month old and the mother starts talking about having to "milk" herself after having forgotten to take the breast pump with them. My husband was sitting there just looking shocked and sickened. When we left, he just couldn't get over the fact that a person would feel comfortable discussing that with people other than their partner. Needless to say, that lunch reinforced our childfree decision.

What is it about pregnancy that prompts some people to discuss totally inappropriate and private matters? One of my work colleagues went through his wife's medical appointments in such detail, it was embarrassing - I felt it was disrespectful to his wife and totally inappropriate. I wondered whether he was getting some perverse thrill out of relaying the detail to his female audience. And because he was talking about pregnancy - did that make it okay?
I didn't think so - so he was told to stop.
Are pregnant women not entitled to some modesty and privacy?
This same colleague invited about six people into the birth room - I'm sorry but I think childbirth is a very private matter - not a spectator sport! I would have thought a woman in labour needs a calm and private space not an audience - this man even invited both sets of parents! Giving birth with your father and father-in-law in the room! Apparently his wife was fine with it...
I think I must be from another planet...

That's uncalled for, especially when people are eating.

There is a group of women who I use to do volunteer work with. It was quite fun until they started bringing their newborn children along and would then breast feed them, without the least attempt at modesty. Keep in mind these are all highly educated women. This happened more often with this group than you would believe possible. After seeing one too many nipples being thrust into baby mouths, I stopped volunteering. I just got tired of feeling uncomfortable. I mean get one of those covers or something, not everyone wants a full view of this. The entire lack of profesionalism even for volunteer work was another issue entirely.

Back to your post though, apparently having children removes any sense of what is and is not appropriate for table discussion? One of my friends was upset because she spent all afternoon preparing a fabulous dinner for a girls night. Then 1/2 of the friends show up with uninvited babies and proceed to tell childbirth stories for about an hour. The stories were quite graphic. I believe I was on the fence about kids at the time and this was a big influence in moving to the CF side. Of course my poor friend was so upset that she invested all of this work and the evening had such a terrible outcome. Needless to say I don't think she had another dinner with the same guests invited.

Sorry I took so long writing my post. "That's uncalled for, especially when people are eating," is in reference to Malamutes own me's lunch experience.

Why don't I tell all the details of my bowel movements today, in intense detail to these women while I'm at it?

Why do I get the feeling that those women would say "Ewwww....gross!!! How dare you say such crass things in public?" if I were to do something like that?

I would put breastfeeding in the same category as performing various sexual acts. It's ok to do them, but do it behind closed doors where no one can see or hear you!

Well, my friend emailed me my SIL's announcement that she sent out a few weeks ago ... here's a bit of it:

"To all of you I have completely neglected to call this summer, I apologize. This whole "morning sickness" thing is such a sham!!! They should call it "all day, don't get off the couch, smell anything, see anyone, talk to anyone, or you'll think you're going to die" sickness - it would be a much more accurate name. However, I'm just about out of my first trimester and leaving all of the goodies that go along with it behind, so I'm feeling much better."

I think I'm getting a bit of that "all day" sickness right now.

I don't know how these people share this information. Maybe it's something about how our society glamourises the whole thing and the "mommy-worship cult" but really there needs to be a limit. By nature, I'm a really private person and could never imagine just whipping out a breast or discussing my sickness with a group e-mail. It just seems a bit tacky, let alone the possible disinterest of the people reading it.

I'm wondering if a possible retaliation is to describe in detail how great my weekends are, the latest projects that we're embarking upon and what a great relationship I have. That way they should feel just as disgusted because my life is meant to be so much less than theirs because we don't have children - ooops not going to play your game anymore. No longer will we temper how great everything is just to make it seem like we are missing out - let's tell them in great detail how much more fun our lives are.

I was thinking maybe I should discuss my next pap smear with the in-laws.

Gee -- let me make a reservation for that discussion... NOT

I would have to agree that society glamorizing child rearing has a lot to do with it. People obviously feel this behavor is totally exceptable.

There is also the idea that they aren't doing anything at the moment other than raising their newborn/toddler so don't have anything else to discuss. Silence would be more comfortable at a table though. That's always where it would be good to insert fun exciting travel experiences to break the line of conversation! At least then they can look confused.

As far as the whole idea of "it's natural, what's the problem?" Like previous posters have pointed out there are a lot of natural functions of the human body, but most people don't care to discuss them in conversation unless they're your doctor.

It's ironic, isn't it, that people become parents and run out of things to talk about besides their kids because that's all they're doing, but are they interested in talking about what is going on the lives of their CF friends and family? Nope, time and time again it's observed that our accomplishments and goals feel like they don't mean anything to our friends and family, because the only worthwhile, meaningful thing we can do with our lives supposedly is have kids! It's a catch 22. Live your life for yourself, how you want, and no one wants to hear about it...but have kids, and then you're boring as hell.

When are we going to realize that unless we have children, we are not important? We're not doing anything to feed into social security, we're not doing anything to better America .... oh wait, except we ARE.

I wonder how SAHMs are putting money into social security. Since there are some parents who think that since we won't have kids, we shouldn't be able to get social security benefits? Maybe we should say that SAHMs don't get benefits because they personally didn't put enough towards social security.

I don't know what I'm saying.

My mother gave birth to my second little sister when I was 20 years old. She was upset with me because I didn't want to be in the delivery room during her c-section. I love my mother dearly, but "eeww." Why would she think I'd want to see that?

If I were present during a C-section the nurses would be scraping me off the floor after I passed out! I don't do well with blood and guts situations! Yet another reason I don't want kids...they tend to get hurt in bloody ways sometimes!

Cindy

Hear hear!!! I have just decided to do that. No more tempering! Let's report back over time on our efforts!

Err... from a guys POV, it is even worse (re: wanting to watch a birth):

1) Regarding where the baby comes out should be considered to be a "sexy" part of the woman's body. Seeing an ugly, goopy, messy baby come OUT of what you want to go IN to ... that would turn me off to wanting to be down there in any way.

2) Even if I were to want to watch it, I would feel oogie if other people were to see that part of my wife's anatomy (that weren't doctors) -- ESPECIALLY any immediate family.

and

3) Excuse me, I have no desire to see that part of any woman in my family -- especially if a slimy baby is coming out of it!

Yuckers!

It is hard for me to show that part to the Gyn - they always tell me to relax but I feel so very embarrassed - I don't want to show myself that way anymore than at the paps.

I propose we capture Duane and lock him in a Georgia O'Keefe museum. It is the only cure for his terrible phobia of watching his family members (old Aunt Matilda?) give birth.

Gee..... methinks I'll pass on that one

Apologies in advance�this thread is giving me the giggles.

New idea: You know how they have doulas, and birthing coaches...with the popularity of having audiences watching while women give birth, a doula is just not enough anymore. We need coaches for the audience members to help them get through watching it without passing out, vomiting, or saying the wrong thing. I'm not sure what they're called yet.

I have to laugh at Duane's replusion - my husband is the exact same way! I don't think he'd be comfortable with half the free world looking at me while I'm in a compromised position, regardless of their professional status.

He's also just plain squeamish about blood/guts stuff in general, and even when we were fence-sitters, he had NO INTEREST whatsoever in "experiencing" the whole birthing process. And although he's an addict of the discovery channel/learning channel, he is loath to watch "a baby story" or other shows about birthing.

I dinna mind if ya laugh at me or with me -- that's the way I am. I'm way too empathic for other people's conditions/feelings for my own good.

Actually, the main things that I record to watch are programs from the Discovery Channel/TLC/History Channel, etc (in HD too). Anything scientific (asteroids/comets colliding with us, historical narratives about events in the past, documentaries about airplanes, etc) excites me.

However, I draw the line on a) medical shows (especially where they show needles going in someone...EEEEWWWWW), b) surgery shows (where they peel back the cloth and the scalpel starts to cut in (CLICK) channel changed [needless to say, I don't like movies like Saw 99 :)] and c) "A Baby Story" or "A Wedding Story" or "Bridezillas" or other stuff like that -- once again, I say "Yuck!"

Maybe that is why I am as nice as I am. If so, that's a burden I'll just have to handle myself Ok, maybe not by myself -- I think my wife doesn't mind "sharing" that burden with me

Duane, your programming tastes sound nearly identical to my husband's! Personally, I can only watch the evolution of cheese making on Modern Marvels so many times before my head explodes! Although I will confess to loving the shows on engineering disasters - more so because I'm married to and work with civil engineers <smirk>. I know...it's a twisted sense of humor.

Back on topic, a guy I used to work with and his wife recently had their 6th kid, and the older kids were present in the delivery room when she gave birth!!! Now how creepy is THAT??? Uhm, there's some fodder for future therapy! Yikes.

My co-workers cousin has just found out she's pregnant. She told everyone on Facebook today that she is going to take pics of herself naked every month, and post them on Facebook so we can all see how the pregnancy is progressing.

She's a porn actress, so the naked bit doesn't bother her. But WHY? WHY does anyone want to see that? And FYI, Demi Moore did the artistic-pregnant bit a long time ago, you need a new angle!!

Honey, I don't want my husband to see that, either. I don't want to see that. It IS a sexy body part! If that ever happened, no one would ever get close to that area again!

I know people think it's an immature view, but who cares?

Also, I don't know why so many people are sometimes in the delivery room. I would NEVER want anyone in my family in there!!! Hell, I don't even want my parents to know that I have sex!

OK, now I am thinking like Duane. EEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!

Ok, I guess my limit is watching cheese being made -- but I do love watching the whys and wherefores of big buildings, ships, planes, etc crashing, being destroyed, etc. It's a guilty pleasure. We are equally twisted in that respect

Yep -- I think being in the same room as the doctors, etc with younger children should be grounds for removal of the children from the parents, as it is a form of child abuse/emotional torture.

Yuckers!

I've always wondered if those who want an audience to their birthing will get to the point where they want a cheering section for the conception, too. Might as well. Maybe sperm swim more aggressively with audience participation!

I had the pleasure today of watching video of a gorilla giving birth. Of course, afterwards she ate the afterbirth. I mean, to the point of enjoying it - sucking on the umbilical cord ... you know, I can't even type out the rest. But I almost died. I mean, I knew that many animals did this, but to see a genetic cousin doing that .... it just turned my stomach.

In an effort to understand WHY animals do this, I did a little search. Turns out there are painkillers in there, and that almost all animals do this to relieve the pain of birth and to gain vital nutrients.

Then they showed a tub of a human placenta.

If I wasn't 100% sure of being CF, I am after that. I do NOT want that thing inside me, much less coming out, much less the whole world knowing that it's there. EW EW EW EW EW.

Check it out hereBellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Unfortunately I inadvertently found myself reading an article in a woman's magazine the other day about natural childbirth (without a midwife or hospital - complete DIY). I as reading out of curiosity. One woman had her baby at home with just her and her husband. OK, that's fine - each to their own - but then SHE told the reporter that she ate some of HER placenta. This was part of her ritual of giving birth.

I'm all for being connected with our natural state, but OMG...is this taking it a little too far?

This made me feel ill for hours after reading it. Sorry to have now planted this image in your minds...

I've actually heard of this being done...placenta stew being made and so forth. Supposedly, it's very nutrient-rich. But I personally wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

Man, I could go even more gross with this subject, but I think that's enough .... ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew !!!!!!!!!

In this case.... less is more.

I forgot to mention the entire birth was filmed by a family friend.
I think it's totally inappropriate - and when do they plan on showing this film? and to whom?