Don't know where to start... - 01/08/11 01:25 AM
I don't really know if I'm allowed to post this here, but I've read the rules & I'm not trying to convert anyone & I'm not flaming anyone so here goes...I think I might be a Wiccan but I don't know & I don't know if I even 'fit' into the religion?
A little backstory, I spent my childhood 1/2 & 1/2 between my mother & my aunt (plus her family) to save you from confusion later. Baptist was what my aunt raised me as, from a very early age I knew I couldn't/didn't believe what I was being told. For various reasons I didn't 'fit' into that religion either & when my family was asked to leave our church, mostly because I refused to wear the obligatory dress & go on trips to convert others & partly because of my family's refusal to make me do so, they went on to find a new one & I didn't.
For many years afterwards I still held the religion but on my own terms, I didn't go to church but when asked I told people I was a Baptist. I still held the faith that there was only one God & that he would save me from damnation. Then my mother died.
My mother was a Wiccan & never pushed her beliefs on me, she told us (my brother, sister & I) that she would teach us if we asked to be taught. I never, not once asked her about her religion, a fact that makes me want to kick myself now. I remember not long after her death, my aunt told me that my mom secretly believed in God & not to worry she didn't 'think' my mom actually went to hell. That, dear people, was the final straw. How could it be that my mother, the most caring & understanding person I've known go to hell simply because she didn't believe the right thing?? I was done.
For a while after I tried to keep believing, I can't, being in the wrong religion is like trying to wear pants that are too small, even if you do manage to squeeze into them you'll never truly be comfortable.
Which, leads me to my current problem. I can't have no religion, I tried that too & it too doesn't fit. So I went searching & I've found lots & lots &...lots of ones I know I'm not.
In my searching I keep coming back to Wicca, but then again I'm also having trouble there too, one thing, I can't really find alot of stuff on it (ex. one person will say one thing, another something else & a third person will agree with both of them!). So. I said all that to say this, here are some things I currently know I am sure of, do these (or do they not?) fall into the spectrum of Wicca?
[b]I do believe:[/b]
I do indeed believe in God, but I also believe there are different parts (gods/goddesses?) that come together to make up God, like parts to a whole.
I do believe in reincarnation, when you start out you are sent here to learn lessons & are reincarnated until you've learned all that you need to know. This stems mainly from remembering things I could not possibly remember, things that it is not humanly or historically possible for them to have happened to me.
I do believe that "bad" people go somewhere other than "good" people, whether that is another round to learn again or to a 'hell' (no better name sorry) like place I do not believe that a child molester or a serial killer will get to spend eternity with regular people.
I believe in karma & the fact that to get good things you must do good things.
In alters, I'm not sure whom I am worshipping, but I do know that everyone should have a place of there own where they can go to think/center themself/just be.
The earth should be celebrated, I mean look around at all it's given us, what's not to celebrate? I also believe in given back to the earth as a thank you for all it gives us.
That animals do have souls/spirits & are not placed here just to feed us. Every animal that makes it to my dinner table is given a silent recognition for it's sacrifice to nourish us.
That no matter what/how you believe eventually you will end up where you belong. Just because someone believes in Wicca & someone else believes Christianity does not mean that either is wrong or that either will be 'punished' in their after life for their beliefs.
[b]I do not believe:[/b]
In magic, not that I don't believe awesome things sometimes don't happen at just the right time, but I don't believe casting spells makes any difference.
Pushing others to believe as I do. This is how I was raised (it is your job to make sure others know of 'the glory of heaven') & it's always irked me that just because someone believes differently they must be wrong.
Meditation, I don't because well, I can't. I'm always doing something & when I do sit down & try my mind ends up wondering here, there & everywhere. I end it more flustered than I started.
If you've made it this far, thank you so so much! Any advice/opinions are more than welcome, don't worry about hurting my feelings :)