Ever enter into a parallel universe in your own town?

I had a brief foray into one recently. It was a universe that seemed vaguely familiar, but that is so far removed from my life now that I can barely believe that I once was part of it.

The Young Mommy Universe.

I had a late-morning client meeting and didn�t have to rush off to work. So I decided to have a leisurely cappuccino at a a local java spot. This was mid-morning on a weekday, and the place was packed � does anybody actually work in this town? But most of them were cute young moms with cute young ones in cute little outfits in tow.

A few had obviously gathered there to meet their friends, other cute young moms; some were there just with their kids, sharing whipped cream-slathered hot cocoas, lattes and a sweet split among them for about, what, $12, $14? I watched as they tried to have �adult� conversations, interrupted every few minutes by one child or another who picked up crumbs from the floor and placed it in her mouth, or grabbed an empty chair and dragged it across the floor, or whined and hit, begging for attention.

It brought be back to the days of Young Mom Kat with Trent � all decked out in his Sweet Potato toddler outfits that I bought at the warehouse sales in Berkeley. This, of course, was back in the days before coffeehouses were the hot spots for young moms � we were the park mommies.

I remember those days with mixed feelings. Don�t get me wrong � I loved (and still love) being a mom. I couldn't even imagine life without The Kid, who has become a funny, creative, kind, genuine young man. I still get sentimental recalling the days of Play-Doh and Discovery Museum jaunts and snuggling on the couch to read �Are You My Mother?� and �Where the Wild Things Are� for the 10th time and, of course, our daily trips to the jungle gyms, sandboxes and swings of all Marin�s parks. It seemed such an innocent time.

But I also remember hours upon hours with just a toddler to talk to, and a life dominated by the nap-time clock. I remember sometimes feeling bored, trapped, tired. I craved to be connected again with other adults � not just other mommies, but to have an adult life, doing adult things and time to call my own. I wanted to say proudly, �I�m a mother,� when asked, �What do you do?� I wasn�t embarrassed, but that wasn�t the way I defined myself. It was my �title� first (even if I didn�t actually have it at the time) and mother second. I realized that nothing in my life had fully prepared me for the job of Mom. Of course there was my Mom, but it wasn't until I was a Mom myself that I asked her if she liked staying at home raising us. "Sometimes," she said.

And I know that the dilemma is really only for the entitled � women who can make a choice to stay home or work full- or part-time. For many women, that's not even an option. That choice helps create our anxiety.

I don�t think there�s an easy answer for the stay-at-home/career mom dilemma. Now that I�m a full-time working mom, I know full well the stress of trying to juggle it all, and Trent�s a teen and pretty self-reliant. But when I read stories like Rick Polito's Motherhood reinvented about the two Marin moms who wrote "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" � "a new book that shines a more realistic light on the playground panorama and gives voice to an unspoken angst, the self-stifled desperation of motherhood in an era where even having it all is not enough" � and when I see the young moms in Starbucks or at Lytton Square or at Old Mill Park, and when I read the thoughts of numerous mothers posting on blogs, I wonder why no one seems all that happy.

And I wonder if stay-at-home dads � I'll be talking about Mr. Moms in this Sunday's column � have the same conflicted feelings as more and more of them take on that role

It seems that many of us dream about having a family for so many years, and when we finally have one ... well, it's not always what we expected.

This Sunday, we'll celebrate our moms with a flurry of cards, flowers, phone calls, breakfasts in bed or fancy brunches at fancy places (and I wish all moms a happy day, and hope that The Kid even remembers!). But what do moms really want? Thoughts?

Kat Wilder's My So-Called Midlife

"It seems that many of us dream about having a family for so many years, and when we finally have one ... well, it's not always what we expected."

No kidding! Ambivalent, I don't think so. Being a mom is nothing like what we expect. "Mom" is a title not a person. But, unlike a janitor, or a CEO, we rarely ignore or delegate. We can't quit and the pension plan is scarey. A mom is not of two minds-she is still her own mind (when she can find it,) but the depth of emotion that goes into her daily tasks overpowers the outpouring of any writer.

A mom "wants" the best for her child. What a mom "needs" is what she must address. Often what that lady wants doesn't make it to the fore, for weeks, and then some.

A "mom" is first a person, then a wife (Maybe) and mother. She is entitled to sip latte's with the rest of you if she chooses. She can dress and put on airs with the rest of you if she chooses. She can go deep and change a piece of the world if she chooses. She is a person! And I think dads are people too.

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I read an interesting article 20 odd years ago, where the author said something to the effect of, "We are all connected when raising children because parents are currently not required to undergo psychiatric evualations."

We are required to grow to raise kids. I believe it puts mothers in a unique place of understanding. But, before she gets there she needs to do the required work. Hey, it's life.

When manufactures and advertisers and those with wisdom of days before, stop making life about stuff and appearance, moms stand a better chance of seeing clearly.

I guess that I am the only one here. But, I need to add, the two Marin moms who wrote "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" � what they had going on was connection. They had each other to confide in and feel safe. That is what all new moms may need the most. At a time when what we most often find is disconnection, that may be the thing moms want. Find a friend, hook up, drink lattes!

Oh, I know that storybook! Michael's problems started very early - around 2 I guess. But we didn't have any idea what the problem was. And for a long time I didn't want to admit that something might be wrong with my child - because he was so intelligent and beautiful! I have a great-uncle who has Cerebral Palsy - so I grew up knowing what physical disabilities would be like. And I worked with Down Syndrome children when I was in HS - kind of a big sister type thing; so I think I could've handled that situation, too. But the Asperger's - the extreme intelligence pushed under by extreme emotionl problems - that I didn't know what to do!

And I still worry - just realized that Michael only has 3 yrs of HS left, then college. I know he's smart enough to handle the classes, but can he get through the day-to-day stuff without us there to guide and remind him? I'm terrified!

Add to that my horrid migraines and depression - and sometimes I just want to resign as a Mom. But we don't get that option - we have to find some way to pull through and make it work.

It's just hard sometimes...

Happy Mother's Day, Michelle! I don't think raising kids-being a mom is supposed to be smoothsailing.
I think it's growth. And you are growing. My youngst child (beautiful/healthy) fell stifly backward and had a seizure last month. The doctor's are calling it a mystery. We have to make it through the next 18 months without another to feel it's over. Letting him on a bike, bath, etc. is hard. The mind is such a delicate thing.

P.S. I want to resign about once a month, as well. If that were an option, I wouldn't need to worry, I would have probably been fired years ago.

Happy Mother's Day to both of you.
Yes, it is hard � but I wouldn't trade it for the world (except, ya know, the times when I want to do a "Thelma and Louise," just without the dying part!!!

Soon, my kid'll be gone. I don't know how I'm going to come home to an empty house every day! And, you know, your kids and mine will do fine without us. Guess it's just a Mom's job to worry.

Today, my column was about dads who want to stay home, and how hard it is for them to find women who want that, too. If you're interested, please check it out at
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My oldest daughter was born on Mother's Day in 1981. My youngest daughter graduated highschool on Mother's Day, 2007, and turned 18 last week. I have a son in-between. For 26 years I have basically been a struggling, single mother. It was what I was and it was who I was. Reading your post, Kat, really hit home, making me realize I'm still not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I've somehow managed to get all three kis raised and well on their way to an excellent future. There were rough times, but I wouldn't change a thing. Despite domestic violence having tried to put a black cloud over us, the sun is shining brightly today. I may not have been exactly the "typically normal" parent as defined by this small, close-minded, prejudiced village, but while they gossiped and made themselves feel better, I raised my kids! Today as I face the empty nest, I can relax, because it wasn't my kids involved with the drugs and drinking and death that so many others are still dealing with. It's time to reinvent myself and this time, I have no doubts in my ability to succeed. My only regret....that I didn't realize back then just how quickly the time was going by. My greatest lesson...I can be and do whatever I put my mind to. I don't think I'm gonna have the time to notice any emptiness. Besides, it's not really empty, just spread out. I'm so grateful for every one of the hard times! Happy Mother's Day!

So beautifully written, nadurz, thank you!
You are truly blessed, and so are your kids.

Shame and fear drive a large portion of the world. Moms need support or confidence to get past the tough times. I think the more self-centered we are the tougher it can be.

The past generation stigmatized single parents, and poor parents. Let's hope those times are passing.

Kat, I apologize for being sharp in my reaction to your post. I was interested until I discovered it was an advertisement. Then, all I could hear was insincerity. One of my pet-peeves, as there is too much of that going around

Hey, MomsPaula,
Thank you apologizing but no need.
I think moms and dads need support � we just don't get that nowadays, so we need to make it happen in our own circle of friends.

Part of what I find disturbing about that "I Was A Good Mother ..." book is that moms feel that they have to have a "front" of happiness and perfection. Gimme real any day, and then let's all work together to support each other and find solution.

And, we need to let go of a lot of our expectations of happiness. We need to create our own, and then share it with our partner, kids and friends.
Good lord � can you tell I've had my coffee today?
Yikes!

There is a statement in the bible that helped me in the "early" years. I can't quote, but the jest is, before you find fault with the way others behave, fix your own problems, then help others. My husband was lucky to have married a girl with a lot of problems! The thing about it is that while working on your problems, you get perspective, insight, understanding, empathy. And you help yourself in the process.

The URL I added to a post above was to a review of Brene Brown's "I Thought It Was Just Me. Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame." From her perspective it's not just mothers or women, but all people are presently suffering within an epidemic of shame. From how we deal with others, how open we dare be, what we allow ourselves to do, wear, or must own is weighted against our shame. She says disconnection is a major culprit, and true connection, resilience, and empathy are a good deal of the answer. We need to learn, and teach or kids that we all battle the, "not good enoughs."

But, I agree the early mom thing is a tough one, and messed up.
I think a prenatal class on communicating with kids; for example, how to distract instead of reasoning with a whiny toddler, solid useable info would go a long way.

In our market driven society, happiness is an obscure term. But, we need it and the active pursuit of peace!!!

I am sick; thanks to my son. Sitting is the most I can deal with.

Are these two things related? How is your son doing and do they have any more clue about what is going on?

I vowed when Seth(4) was born that I wasn't going to rush through any stage and enjoy everything - because he was going to be my last... that lasted through the first year, LOL!

Seriously, I did very well with enjoying him when he was a baby, and taking time to cuddle, and not wishing away the days. But now that he is in the potty training & tantrum phase - I find myslef wishing for it to speed up again! Although the other night he crawled up into my bed with me, and snuggled up next to me, and I spent about an hour just combing hs hair with my fingers. Everytime I tried to stop he would grab my hand and put it back on his head!

Yeah, that's the memory stuff. The tantrums, I think we should rush through!

Falling stiff is part of a seizure. He landed on his head. Of course, I started to get after him for clowning around. The doc. calls the seizure a mystery. A horrible thing to watch your child go through. Having a child with Epilepsy must be tough. Hoping I don't!

I've been thinking a lot about what you have to face. I think I would need him near by for a year or two. Any chance you can swing it.

I am drenched in sweat. My sweet son gave me a virus.

As a parent who learned the hard way that I wanted to be home with my child, I can tell you that I love being a full-time mom. I was very career-oriented and couldn't see past that, even when I got pregnant.

I researched local daycares and felt good about the one I chose. However, when I dropped him off that first week, something didn't feel right. Sure, I loved my job. Sure, I had big plans, but leaving him there went against my mommy gut.

The urge to raise him myself (he was at daycare from 8 to 5 each day as an infant) was too strong to ignore. I was miserable, probably because I love kids so much. I mean, that's why I went into teaching! So here I was spending all day with other people's children while my own baby was cared for by strangers...

I quit my job at the end of the year and pulled him out of daycare at 15 months. I would have quit sooner but I felt obligated to finish the year..

I worked as a private tutor to help us make the transition to one income and learned how to be more frugal. I quit tutoring completely when I had my second child and didn't do any "work" until she was about a year old and I had the itch to get going again.

This time, I knew I wanted to write. I loved the flexibility writers had and was luckily enough to notice that the Natural Living site (my passion) here at Bella was available one night when I was surfing. Since then, I've gotten my first article published in a homeschooling magazine, launched my own personal website (janzeiger.com), and started writing regularly for pay at Suite 101.

I'm currently working on my first book which is a guide for homeschooling parents in my area. I've also got my eye on several magazines I'd like to write for eventually including Family Fun and Mothering. In the back of my mind, I'm mulling over the idea of becoming a certified lactation consultant, but I know there's too much on my plate at the moment. In addition to my writing, I've started my own Homeschool Consulting biz called A Love for Learning Homeschool Consulting and just started doing phone consultations and personalized information packets. I do homeschool evaluations locally, so this is my busy time of year I'd also like to get another master's someday--but this time in natural health. I even just started my own website for "green" resources in the Orlando area and am working hard to promote that. And to top it all off, I'm a distributor for Juice Plus and Usborne Books!

Why am I sharing all of this?? Because I think it's important to acknowledge that it's not a black and white issue. The internet has made it so even moms who want to be home with their children (and maybe even homeschool) CAN work from home. I do a little here and there when they're awake, but for the most part, I work after they're asleep at night. I love the flexibility. I have several things going on and will stick with what's the most rewarding personally and lucrative. I hope to eventually replace my teaching income with everything I do from home, but I know that probably will take years to accomplish. I'm okay with that because I'm educating my kids and living life to the fullest. I dropped out of the "rat race" when I quit and we're no longer worried about keeping up with the family next door.

While I'm a bit of a workaholic (lol), my point is that moms who stay home with their kids no longer have to "just" stay home. It's already a full-time job, but some moms may want or need more.

I need to express myself. I need to feel like I'm making a difference in the bigger picture in addition to making a difference in my children's lives. I also feel driven to bring in an income for multiple reasons, with one being that I want to be able to travel more often with my family. I also want to bring in an income so if something happened to my husband, I would have to put them in school and go back to teaching.

As for connecting with other moms, I make it a point to go out once a week. I know many moms who get out less than once a month, so I can understand why so many get burned out. My hubby knows Wednesday night is my special time and that, even if none of my friends can attend, I'm going to the bookstore for coffee. Usually it's a group of 3 or 4 moms and we often close the place down. Sometimes we even leave the bookstore at 11 and go to an all night diner to continue the conversation! I think connecting with and listening to other adults is important--especially when you're with kids most of the time.

In addition to my coffee night, I'm also a member at the YMCA and often go to workout with mommy friends. Our kids are happy playing in the childcare center while we get to workout AND catch up. I joined to lost weight, having no idea how good it would be for my mental health!!

I have found in MY experience with local full-time moms that the ones who aren't happy simply aren't finding time for themselves. Some will even go back to work because they feel lacking in some way, while others (like me) will figure out what to do from home to meet that need for intellectual stimulation and grown up conversation!

Sure, I'm busy, but it's a good kind of busy because my schedule is so flexible and kid-friendly.

I really do feel like I have it all. All I need now is a housekeeper.

hey, look. I turned this post into a blog!

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Hi Jan,
Thanks for sharing, and congrats on making it work!
I, too, worked part-time from home until the divorce sent me back out into the real world.

But what you wrote � I have found in MY experience with local full-time moms that the ones who aren't happy simply aren't finding time for themselves. � is absolutely true! Women HAVE to do that, and they HAVE to make time for their husbands minus the kids. I wrote a column on that atBellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I agree Jan, 100% (written on this many times, too, he-he)

However, what can be a clear series of dots to you are totally obscure to another. Environment, economics, education, average mental health issues (confidence, assertiveness, etc.) all factor. This issue is much more complex than just taking charge. Although, taking charge maybe needs to be what is a prescribed norm. So, people would be embarrassed
"not" to try. Harsh? Anyway, we are at a point where radical lifestyle changes are possible and do occur often.

Jan, I am posed with a decision of drugging a child the doc. calls ADD inattentive. She is attacking my character for choosing not to use drugs. I understand each case in unique, but, do you think kids stand as good a chance of surviving school by merely providing extra help? This is a LOT of pressure!

I don't want to be flamed so I'll ask those who aren't open-minded to just ignore this message. I'm totally anti-drug and anti-ADHD.

Please check out the ADD section of my blog for resources:

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Thanks Jan. This is wonderful help. The funny thing is that the doc. denied all concerns. I just moved here and this is the only doc. in the area currently taking new patients. Have you tried Feingold? Is it necessary to pay for a membership, or will making your own meals, with sense, suffice?

Finding time for yourself can become a quest to find yourself. And the deeply important getting exercise- No Y in the country. I had to tie a rope around my waist and the sled handle, then crosscountry ski without poles, so no one lost an eye!

You can start out for $15 by just buying this book!!

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Do get your child tested. Do consider homeopathy and everything else before taking drugs. I do know kids for whom the drugs turned them into straight-A students.

And drugs aren't the be-all and end-all, either. Behavior modification is necessary, too.

Please Read "Running on Ritalin." Dr. Diller isn't pro-drugs, but he's not totally anti either. His approach is to look at family dynamics first.
Good luck!

Michael has Asperger's, but the meds he is on are similar to ADD meds. He takes Adderall XR, Abilify, and Trileptal.

With Michael it is more than just innatentiveness or "acting out" in class. When not on medications (or when we were on the wrong ones) he has a violent rages. The whole reason we are homeschooling this year, is because at the end of last year he went through a hormone flux, and his doctor tried changing some meds to see if that would help with his increasing temper and agitation. It backfired. The doctor changed him to Zoloft - and he had a horrid reaction. The rages worsened and he acutally attacked me. We both wound up in the ER that night, me for my injuries, and Michael to calm him down.

He wound up in the psychiatric facility that his doctor is the head of for about a week. We now know he can't take any seratonin-uptake inhibitors (Zoloft, Prozac, etc.) and also had to be taken off of Risperdal.

He decided that he was not ready for the social pressures of High School -so we did this year homeschooled. He wants to go back to public school next year, though.

But there is no test.

My son's symptom was extreme shyness. The teachers ignored him. for his sake. (Frustrating) He is getting better, (they call it daydreaming now) but the snowball effect is really moving now. We moved to a larger town and his character was seen in a new light.

The doctor feels certain he could be an A student. What sticks with me is if he were an athlete, and took performance enhancing drugs, it would be a terrible thing, but in the interest of pushing kids through a school system that doesn't work, drugs are Great.

In what I have read about inattentiveness he is there, but I will definitely try diet instead; although I don't know what is left to eat after subtracting the "bad" products.

Thanks for your generosity Jen, and everyone! I have 3 boys 10-14. I make 2 (now I am not wholly certain) healthy meals a day. The boys pack a lunch. They only want processed meat sandwiches or microwave [censored].

I eat well myself, I can't stand most of what they ask for. When they get home from school they will eat a box of crackers, yogurt, fruit, veges, rice chips, and a pita or sandwich. Then dinner. A couple of hours after dinner they will pack away another pound and a half of snacks.

They are all muscular, active boys. The problem is having enough easy to grab foodstuffs available. I need a half ton every day.

Sorry to turn this forum to be all about ME!

I think a woman's road to doing something for herself is a different road for everyone. It also depends on many things (Like a treadmill) the speed you are presently traveling determines your "style" of thinking. Myself, I began (gung-ho) a few weeks ago to make vast leaps forward career wise. BUT, something inside me is dragging me into this s l o w introspection. I am trusting this is important and so feel no guilt following this lazy soul search, however, it is difficult to trust yourself enough to reexamine your being, and follow through the dark, moneyless, tunnel to reinvention. But, if I don't accept this sojourn, won't I just be battling myself? These are also the things that make women unhappy.

Humph, wonder why my child has thinking issues!

Are you against homeschooling?

Also, if you don't mind me saying so, they can only eat the processed snacks if you buy them. I hope you know I'm saying with kindness--not as an accusation.

Have you tried natural snacks like Bumblebars or Betty Lou's. Their stuff is SO good:

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Absolutely! School does not meet his needs. I determine his needs, go to the teacher, explain what would make a world of difference, she will say no problem, and then is not be able to perform. Teachers seems to get caught in the day to day grind, I guess. I intellectually know that home schooling is the answer, but I am overwhelmed and afraid. I am still traumatized from preschool days with three boys, in trying to make order from chaos. Could I do it.

I do buy good food. Just not pure food. I need a course. I can't find, and had given up looking for things I would like. I don't understand labels and my weekly budget, as we go through vast amounts of food, is not unlimited. It is just soo frustrating. I am Canadian, and stores here suck for the pure at heart. I can leave the grocery store very, very sad. Also, I like to cook when I want to. I need to not be tied to the kitchen. However, if health is an issue that is different. I thought kids could handle a little processed, as a stage they would pass through. My oldest son is already coming along a bit.

I have never bought anything online. I asked for a low limit credit card once, so I would dare try. But credit card companies being what they are gave me a substantial amount. So I said, "forget it!"

PS. It's not all processed food, apparently it's ketchup, pickles, meat, fish, sauce ingredients. And a lot of juice, and milk. I spend 4-7$ a day for (I guess, poor quality) milk. So to supplement, I had been buying half of all juice in cheaper brands. A good 1/2 gallon of juice costs 4$ and is finished in about 2-3 hours. We do drink lots and lots of water.

They have been getting one bottle of pop and one bag of chips every friday night (movie night)

Well, if you get a complete battery of tests � I believe it's called NEPSY � you do get a peek into what may be going on as far as motor skills (fine and gross); sensory issues; verbal and nonverbal issues, etc.

I hadn't heard of the Feingold program you mention. Looks interesting, and I imagine it might be helpful for some ADHD (because I think way too many kids are labeled that when the aren't), but I know of kids with ADD here in organic-local-sustainable-eco-friendly No. California whose diets have been healthy from Day 1 and they still have ADD. So, that clearly isn't the total answer. (although no one should allow their kids to eat most of the junk out there, whether packaged or fast food . ugh!)

I believe the test you are referring to is the one the schools offer. His name is on the years long waiting list. So I went to the doc as I was told I could get it that way. No, but they will prescribe pills. A psychologist will do the test for around 3500$ if I chose to go that route. However helpful the info is to me, it won't change teaching styles and I don't feel confident that the test results would give me useable info. They are used in schools to allow your child to get a reduced amount of questions on a test, etc. which is important while a child is struggling.

My whole experience as a school mom has included talks with my kids as to why they can't have all that food [censored] that their friends get. It is one big frustration for everyone of us.

That is how some junk creeps in, so you don't always feel like Orgre Mom. And, so they will eat something at school. We know the clothing labels peer pressure. Well, food lines have pressure too. You really don't want to be the weird kid with the wholesome looking food. They solve that one by not taking it out of the backpack! So the problem becomes eat (not perfect)something or nothing.

Hello back,
No actually the NEPSY is done by a neuropsychatrist � the school will not do that � and, yes, it is extremely expensive.. What it does is allow you to go to the school to get an IEP (Individualized Education Plan), and if ADD is detected, then you qualify for a 504 Plan, which gives you a way to get modifications and accommodations (that you'll have to monitor and update yearly with the school, same with an IEP). This all falls under the Americans With Disabilities Act, so it is a legal document.

As for the school food issue, yes, that is hard. But I will say this (as the mom of a teen), if parents don't start enforcing their family's values and beliefs early on, and what is OK and not OK in their family, they will have a very hard time indeed when kids become teens and start to face making choices about drinking,smoking, pot and sex. I am the ogre mom at times (in a loving way, and with the understanding that kids do experiment), but that, I believe, is my job. If my kid starts in with the "everyone else's mom says..." I just shut that right down!

Sounds like they're only responding to the flawed educational system.

I use my debit card online because it has a VISA symbol.

If you should decide to homeschool, I do homeschool consulting. I don't want to sound like an ad, but this is something I do. I live in FL and just had a consultation with a mom in Boston the other day. Homeschooling sounds like a wonderful option for your son. Don't underestimate yourself. And remember that homeschooling is NOT abou recreating school and sitting at the kitchen table for 6 hours a day.. That's one of the biggest misconceptions. You'll find you can accomplish the same amount and better meet his needs in only an hour or two a day, leaving time for him to be a kids and pursue his interests. See yourself as the FACILITATOR for his learning (keeping his learning style and interests in mind) and he will succeed.

As for labels, when you're getting started, ignore the box with the RDA information and percentages. What you care about is just the straight ingredient list on the back. And ignore the text that's on the front of the box or package. Once again, go to the back and read the ingredient list. Looking for additives like high fructose corn syrup and artificial dyes. If you can't pronounce it (or if you have to try to hard), it's probably not good. If the ingredient list is miles long, it's definitely not good.

Have you read my article on improving your diet gradually?

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Yes this is the same test. The schoolboard has the neuropsychatrist do these tests for the reasons of accommodations, etc. My point was that I can't get accommodations till the test is done and the waiting list is long.

As for me being a pushover mom, I'm not. My kids would rather take a sub or one of the advertised cool lunches than dinner leftovers or a salad. I don't think that's awful. And they (my oldest,) are presently hiding, and not eating anything that doesn't look like a cool lunch at the large public lunch room.(new school) The healthy food understanding is coming. They are learning. As for pure foods, I try. And will try harder. That is a big issue that needs women to help each other, even to find products etc, not condescend.

We had goats for milk and grew veges once, we have downsized. Milking goats at 5AM bites. I still grow fresh veges, I planted a garden Monday. I didn't say I am a pushover that can't feed my kids. When my kids say "other kids moms..." it is because they are looking to me for an explaination or discussion. My oldest is 14 as well. And I think is doing amazingly well with emotional growth.

Jen, I wish I could reach out and hug you. More for me than for you, I suspect. I was becoming more and more tightly knotted. You know the kind you get tied up in and don't realize till someone pulls the string and sets you free. Well, you have. When I stop spinning I will be able to decipher this info more clearly.

Yes I did read that article on gradual improvement and it was something that made sense and is do-able. Presently on overload, cause I'm thinking about home-schooling now. Got to go! THANK YOU

Hey, as I can walk now without being wobbly for the first time this week (flu) I am grocery shopping tomorrow. Friday is followed by 4 days home for the kids. Weekend/Victoria day/then inservice.

Wish me luck. The label thing I don't know. I really don't remember in my recent past ever finding a label that didn't have some ingredient that shouldn't be there. Maybe tomorrow I'll be divinely guided. Let's hope. I planted lots of spinach in my little vegie patch. I can't wait!

Kat, when I said I was amazed at my child's growth, I forgot about physical. I don't know how tall you are, but (at 5'5'') hugging my baby by putting my head against his chest is just Weird. But, I'm adjusting.

Are we still talking about women getting their [censored] together, or am I the only one who needs to?

I need a housekeeper.

Priorities! That is a tough one. I run with the things that I am passionate about, when I am passionate about them. My mom was the same. Dust bunnies are bunnies too.

I understand that I will (sadly) never have a �sparkling� house. (without a maid) I force myself to run through routines. I do this quickly so I can get on with my life. And I sometimes get them done Before things Really look like they need some doing. Add to the mix that I have one child that is really disorganized. He drops everything, everywhere. I think that I will work on his organizing skills, instead of picking up after him.

I moved a few months ago from the country, where no one ever rang my door bell to an affluent area of a large town. My door bell rings often and unexpectedly. (We are not Well Off, we got a good buy when prices of all houses, in all areas, were way up. A sensible purchase.) The point is a lady, my senior by 15 or so years, lives in an amazing mansion around the corner. We have become friends and I have discovered that she thinks dust bunnies have a right to life, too.

A friend of mine had a maid once. To get her money�s worth she never touched a toy. They stayed where they dropped for a week! At some point she came to terms with that not being healthy for anyone, and went back to cleaning her own house.

I think when I am striving in a healthy, happy way it is easier to give up some of my precious time. House chores are then a �self wind down time� for me. It�s all the perspective you take, or can take.

I just realized this response was addressed to me!! LOL I'm J-a-n.

I'm so glad you found the information helpful. At least school is letting out (is Canada on the same schedule?) and you've got some time to do some research and soul-searching.

Oops. I knew that, Jan! It was the hour, maybe. Sorry! Thanks again.

The kids just have a four day weekend. I am vague, aren't I?

I think that I roughly follow my priorities but, am dedicated to the ones I like best. I think people have addictive personalities. Obvious sometimes, but generally we get hooked on certain things. I do have friends that are hooked on having a really clean house, or an obnoxiously perfect yard. I think it's lovely but not for me, my pet-peeve is (sadly)chaotic disorganization. When I can no longer function because of visual confusion, I tidy. A maid would be Great but, would also encourage my self indulgences (addictions.) I tell myself that to feel better!

Is soul-searching an indulgence or an over-looked (ignored)priority?

definitely overlooked priority!

David (husband) is the neat freak around here -I'm afraid I was a born slob. I need hypno-therapy to convince me that house-cleaning is fun!

That's funny Michelle, and possibly a good job niche.

I always said I was going to start a business scraping taste buds off. Hey, if people will go under the knife for other things and inject poison into their faces, I may be on to something.

Well I tried to "Pure" grocery shop. I am now back to near tears in the grocery store. I remember why I stopped trying; so I could just get through the #!* chore. I did discover the products I have been using are amoung the better ones. I have to tweak a couple of areas. Which doesn't feel so overwhelming anymore, Thanks jAn. I think I can get there, and quite soon!

I know it's hard. But remember that once you figure out which brands are best, shopping is a breeze! It only feels like a chore when you're just starting out.

LOL

I tried it. I downloaded a hypnosis audio file for people who don't like housework.

Wow! Did you try it? Let us know.. Is it possible to trick husbands and kids with it. Will it work or is there a version for homework?

lol

It didn't work for me.

You need a housekeeper!

Here is one philosophy that covers both house-keeping and natural living. Becoming a minimalist? That is my approach to living.
Buy reusable items.
Buy quality items so that they last, in small appliances and in furniture as well.
Don't buy it! Is it really going to affect the quality of your life?
With clothing, if I have so much that I don't wear things often, then I have too much. And, I don't need anything new, even if the colors and styles are beautiful. I am better than that!

We got results from speech pathology tests for my son today. She concluded that his problem was within his processing memory. Interestingly, this is the same conclusion I had drawn from reading Mel Levine's book, "A Mind At A Time."

She also said he did not need ADD drugs/and wasn't showing any indication that he should be tested for this. I guess there are ADD clinics for testing, by the way, a doc. should Not make a judgement call.

She is also trying to get accommodations for my son as she thinks the fine print says that the psyc. testing 'isn't' mandatory!

It is scary how easy it is to be victimized by the professional community.

Stand up for what you believe is good and proper, moms!