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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928381
06/13/18 05:22 PM
06/13/18 05:22 PM
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Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Yesterday got peace once with one interruption. When I was in bed he ran errands. She went outside three times while he stayed inside.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928397
06/14/18 05:25 PM
06/14/18 05:25 PM
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I will stop counting all the peace that comes from them being outside, first of all they are close then they can come in at any times but it is especially because they sometimes push my buttons from there! Not too long ago I was eating breakfast and he went to sit on a chair that is on the front porch and to get there he started to stomp on the path leading to it then the stairs then on the porch then he finally sat down.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928741
07/04/18 11:10 PM
07/04/18 11:10 PM
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We are all in control over how we choose to react to outside stimulus. If someone stomps I could choose to be upset by it, because the noise of the stomp intruded on my quiet. But that would be as un-useful as being upset at the sound of a car driving past the house. They are just sounds. There is no reason at all for me to be upset about a random sound which will be gone in a few seconds anyway.

The noise made by a family member is a reminder to us that they are alive, which hopefully we feel is a good thing. I don't imagine you are sitting there wishing for him to drop dead. In that case, every time you hear a stomp, think of it as a message from God or the Gods or the Spirits or whatever you believe in that he is still in your life. He is still there present for you to ask questions of and to talk to. Because, very soon, he won't be. Very soon, he'll be completely gone and you'll wish you had him there with you.

The stomps are a sign. They are a message to you. They are like a meditation chime. You need to learn to *hear* them. They won't be there forever.

Right now, you're hearing those messages and thinking "I'm angry he's here". You want to change that message, for your own health and for the sake of the environment you are creating for yourself. Unless you'd really be happier if they were both dead and you were there all alone?


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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928746
07/04/18 11:40 PM
07/04/18 11:40 PM
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They do that on purpose to drive me insane so why would I be glad to hear these noises? Should I also be glad when they insult me? Should I be glad of the one time he beat me? Should I be glad of the time he was so disgusting to me at school which made one of my bullies who was there feel bad for me? Should I be glad of all the times my mom manipulated me? Should I be glad of all the lies? Should I be glad of when they blamed me for being stuck in this house that they cannot afford and sell? Should I be glad of all the humiliations in front of strangers and people I knew? Should I be glad when they stole my savings from me? Should I be glad when mom compared me to someone she hates? Should I be glad every time they gave me the silent treatment (that along with all the other abuse started when we were young and was done to both of us)? Should I be glad of when mom called me (started with the f word that is censored here) crazy because I did not put my left shoe on to go to a clinic because that little toe was dislocated then when I was back home she was angry at me and ignored me and dad who was back from work found all of that hilarious? Should I revisit every single moments of abuse from both and enjoy it all?

Should my brother be glad of his abuse from both of them if he still was alive?

I do not care for them since they do not care about me. Up until they decided to become full time monsters (they did not have much positives but they decided to get rid of all of these positive things inside them) I wanted to get away from them but I may of still kept them in my life or at the least still cared a little but the way they have tried to kill me with all this new abuse since late 2009 that is non-stop all the little love I had for them is all gone.

That saying of blood is thicker than water is stupid and the idiot who came up with it certainly was not born in a family of monsters!

And why am I the one who has to do anything to get our relationships better? I am their child! Who cares what age I am! They are the parents! None of them has ever apologised or did anything else to try to change our relationships! None of them have shown any remorse for anything! Not even the death of my brother changed any of that! Not even when we are on the date he died, they do not even let up on the abuse on that day! They are the ones who made me and my brother and they hated us probably even before our births!

I and my brother have done nothing to them and we have done nothing to deserve being born from two monsters and it is not up to me to do anything about our family and it also would not of been up to my brother if he was still here!

Last edited by Nancy Roussy; 07/04/18 11:42 PM.
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928747
07/05/18 12:05 AM
07/05/18 12:05 AM
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Parents are just people who make mistakes. Clearly these two have made lots of mistakes. If they are flawed it's unlikely they will have the ability to heal things for you. Just because they had sex doesn't mean they have any other ability.

You need to care for you. You can't expect them to do that. So to expect them to fix your stress, which is inside your own head, doesn't make sense.

You don't heal your stress to help them. You do it to help you. You're the one whose body is being harmed by it.

If you really dislike them that much, stop living with them. Period, the end. Stop relying on their house and furniture and kitchen equipment and everything else. Move out right now. Be on your own and away from them. You have the money. If you don't leave, it is because you want to be with them. That's the only other choice.

If you're going to choose to live with them, you need to choose not to be stressed by them. That is also the only logical choice.


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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928748
07/05/18 12:20 AM
07/05/18 12:20 AM
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There are many children who are abused throughout their childhoods. One is rarely 'glad' of being abused. One accepts that parents are simply humans who are flawed. One realizes we don't have a time machine and the past is long gone. It is beyond any change. One releases the anger and stress of past memories as being wholly unhelpful for what one is doing now.

Your stress only hurts you. It fills your body with noxious chemicals which destroy your health. Being stressed about the past can't help in any way. It can only hurt. And it hurts *you*. It makes sense for your own health to release it.

You wouldn't keep stabbing yourself with a knife all day long, would you? That would seem silly. And yet we can allow ourselves to wallow in stress over something which doesn't even exist any more.

Let it go. You have better things to invest your energy in. The past is gone. Only you control your present.


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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928750
07/05/18 12:39 AM
07/05/18 12:39 AM
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Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Here is your post from May 16, 2015:

"I keep on telling myself that now at least I live in a place I like and that I do have enough money to get away when I am ready (will be more when the insurance finally pays us)."

You had plenty of money to live on your own in May 2015. It is now July 2018. That was over three entire years. You have had three entire years to find an apartment. You chose to stay with your parents instead. That was your personal choice. Why would you have chosen to remain when it was so incredibly easy to leave? All you had to do was pack your things and step out the door. Kids do that every single day, with no money at all. You could do that right now. It would take ten minutes top and you would be wholly free of them.

If you are going to choose to live in this house, you need to choose not to be stressed by it. It is your health you are damaging every day.

https://forums.bellaonline.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/892120/Searchpage/1/Main/114990/


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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928751
07/05/18 12:39 AM
07/05/18 12:39 AM
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Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Abusing your own child is not a mistake! This is why criminals are not punished because everything is excused! Like the last time a parent forgot his child in the car who cooked alive was not too long ago in my province and the place he was supposed to bring his baby was blamed, now many people wants a law that will force the people who works where they babysit kids and babies to call the parents after realising the kids are not there after a certain amount of time! No! It is to the parents to take care of their kids and not anyone else! And again not everything is a mistake! Forgetting your bank card in the ATM machine is a mistake, or thinking your movie or show is on a channel then when there you find out it's on another is a mistake, what is not a mistake is letting your kid cook alive in your car and it is also not any of what my own parents did to me!

And by the way I know I should of moved away decades ago, that I am still with these monsters is on me, not anything else even the new ways they come up with to torture me because all that is on them! Anyway the way you talk it is never our fault so I do not know why you think all I have to do is leave (AGAIN i know that its what i have to do). My friends think it is not my fault that it is all the abuse that started when I was born (PROBABLY EVEN BEFORE) and yes they have screwed me royally but I am not kept in chain and I live in a country where I have rights and exit doors.

If one day you feel like your soul is dead (felt that way in Ste-Florence - im still very much in a low place but at least i do not feel that way anymore) we'll see how strong you are and how easy for you it is to forgive.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928752
07/05/18 12:48 AM
07/05/18 12:48 AM
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Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Also a post from August 12, 2015:

"We got the insurance check Monday and tomorrow my parents are going to deposit it in Amqui (they say they dislike the people working in the 1 closest to us) so I should have my part tomorrow. It is a low amount they are giving so my part will be 10000$, I have 20000$ so in total I will have 30000$ which is a very nice amount."

https://forums.bellaonline.com/ubbthreads.php/topics/892120/83

You had **$30,000** which is more than most people ever have in their bank accounts. You should immediately move out to an apartment. Immediately. If you are so miserable there the only way for you to heal and find a job and anything else is to be away from those people. There is no reason in the world you should still be there.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #928753
07/05/18 12:53 AM
07/05/18 12:53 AM
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Lisa LowCarb Offline
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"Abusing your own child is not a mistake!"

Are you saying it is a correct thing to do? There are two options. A correct thing and an incorrect thing. Abusing a child - hitting them in any way - is always an incorrect thing. That is what the word mistake means. It is the wrong choice.

"It is to the parents to take care of their kids and not anyone else!"

That is also not true at all. All it takes to make a child is to have sex. By your logic, if a man raped a teenage 11-year-old-girl the man is a parent and gets to take care of that child. Many times it is up to others to take care of the child and NOT the parents. Many parents are just not meant to be parents. Having sex is just a physical act. Caring for a child requires far more talent than that.

It is never easy to forgive. But it is important for YOUR HEALTH that you learn to. It's not like you're hurting them with your stress. You are only hurting YOU. You are hurting yourself every day, just as if you are stabbing yourself with a knife.

You need to stop hurting yourself. Either you need to move away or you need to learn to release the stress. It makes zero sense to actively try to hurt yourself more, when every day is precious.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
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