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A toaster made my life miserable today.

I woke up about one hour before my parents and while I was toasting my second toast the toaster broke (still working but you have to keep your hand on the thing because it gets back up otherwise). I had an appointment but did not know how long it would take so my parents dropped me off then went to a store, they told me to call when I was done so I did and then the hell started. When I called they had a toaster on sale in their hands but decided to put it back and then come get me instead of buying it, we went to two stores before going back to that store and all that time my dad was whining about the toaster and when we arrived back there the last one was gone and he was angry and said let's check the rest of the shopping mall, at the end of that mall we found a store that had toasters and he was not talking at all so mom asked me to pick on and I did. Of course he was angrier by the minute. After that they went to a vacuum store and for a few minutes I went to check a store next to it, when I went there mom asked me if I would be okay with that vacuum and she pointed one, I looked at it and I started to tell the seller why I hate vacuuming and dad cut me off and said we'll take it. He then made a scene in the car when mom asked him if we would stop at the farmer's market in Sainte-Flavie (about 2 or 3 weeks ago i said it would be nice if there would be a farmer's market and he said there was 1 in Sainte-Flavie every saturdays and we were supposed to go there that next saturday and when there were a few minutes left for me to be ready to go he changed and went working outside then last week nothing about it). Later he made sure he was watching a dubbed movie when it was time for me to make food.

Nancy -

You seem to focus on everything that is going wrong - but there is so much in your life going right.

Billions of people went to sleep starving tonight. They have no food. Is it really that bad that your father is watching a dubbed movie? I love dubbed movies. What is so awful about that?

With all that is wonderful in your life, maybe think about why you focus so much on the tiny things that are not quite right?

Lisa,

Dubbed movies are torture for me (it was even when i was a separatist) and my parents of course know that. I do not blame my dad for choosing to watch a dubbed movie since he only speaks French but he often watch one just to get on my nerves and that is cruel.

And since almost everything in my life is a negative how can I just focus on the positive? Positives that by the way only came because one or more person set my house on fire which right there is twisted.

I know that a lot more people have a worst life than me. My god is fighting to get back to what he used to be that is if he is not seriously brain damaged and cannot do that. And I also know that at least millions of people are suffering worst than me. It does not mean that my life does not suck and it does not make me an awful person because I focus a lot on the negatives of my life.

And if you think my negatives are tiny come here, just one hour of less in the company of my parents and I guarantee you that it will send shivers down your spine and it will take you a while to get over it; then I invite you to imagine having them as parents then live with them every day for more than thirty-eight years!

Yesterday my mom pushed my buttons 57 times and my dad 116 times.

Nancy -

It doesn't sound like everything in your life is negative. You talk often about having food to eat that you enjoy, buying clothes, buying things, and watching shows you enjoy. You have SO much in your life right now. But you discount that all.

Why?

You don't have to live with your parents. You now have money. Move out. You are choosing to stay in an environment that you then allow to bother you. Why?

Lisa,

I cannot enjoy anything as long as my parents are right there doing things on purpose to make my life miserable. The only time I 100% know they won't do anything is when I am watching the Dallas Stars and that's because they know for this I do not let anyone bother me when I watch them, for them and Shumi I have a backbone, the other times I am too weak to have one with some exceptions like the second full day we were here (stood up to both of them and none were able to win that).

I am owed my part of the next insurance settlement so I cannot go anywhere until then.

And again I have more than thirty-eight years of them being cruel to me in many different ways, I cannot get over it overnight just like I cannot pick myself up overnight. Plus I have a depression and I was the victim of bullying.

And that November 9 2009 date that ever since then every day has been a hell and no days has been normal or at least average is still going strong, try that one of these days and see how you feel, if you can still focus on the positives if you have some and/or just move on I will applaud you and say you were right.

Yes a lot of people were tortured or went through something worst and were able to still move on and focus on the positives; I know all that and no I cannot do that, I am not like that!

Yesterday my mom pushed my buttons 23 times and my dad 15 times.

At 16:04 my parents left for Ste-Florence. We left to run a few errands after 13:00 and a while after that one of my uncle killed himself in his garage. He was my favorite uncle until I learned he was a drunk driver, I have not cared about him since then, I hate criminals and I do not make exceptions with family members. A few minutes after we came back my aunt called and about an hour later my parents were gone. They are sleeping there tonight and are supposed to come back tomorrow. It's not the way I wanted some peace but I'll take it (when we were living in Ste-Florence i was left alone 3 times - the first was when the remaining brother of mom was dying and the second was to finalise everything and bring his ashes with them so it was not completely fun for me - the last should of been fun since they were visiting a friend but the morning i woke up alone a tooth hurt and it only stopped hurting the day they came back so i spent that entire time except the few hours it took for them to arrive back home the last day in a lot of pain - i did have that entire day to myself this year and hopefully ill get more soon and not because of something awful that happened and not while being in pain).

Yesterday my mom pushed my buttons 14 times and my dad 112 times.

I feel relaxed today. No chest tightness and weight is going down. Not sleeping through the day. Baking power bars and studying my Bible.