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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
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Hi one and all,
Well I thought we could start a thread with jokes and comments and anything that may hit a funny bone or two with a gardening theme loosely woven in.
I hope you will join in, here is my first contribution.
............................................................... Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands at the back. Herb says to Sam: "We went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too."
Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"
Herb says: "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?" Sam says, "How about rose?"
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb.
He then calls ahead to his wife Rose. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?" ...............................................................
Ah well. Seeing that it is Valentine's day today, I thought of using the rose first up.
Cheers now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Hello there - no offence meant none taken I hope!
Two elderly ladies Ruby and Matilda were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. Ruby leaned over and said, "Life is so boring these days. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'll take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" cried Matilda, holding up a $10.00 note. As fast as she could, little old lady Ruby fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the Town Hall. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. Then naked Ruby burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "For heaven's sake what happened?" asked her waiting friend, "did you get into trouble?"
"No not at all," Ruby answered, smiling with glee "But, I won the $30 first prize for the Best Dried Arrangement."
Cheers now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
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Smile for today?
A man walks into a florist shop: 'I'd like some flowers please.' 'Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?' He shrugs: 'Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh...' 'Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?'
It reminds me of a picture joke I once saw where there is a huge bunch of flowers and all you can see are two small legs sticking out of the bottom, where the guy is walking up a garden path to his front door. The next door neighbours are chatting and the legend says "There goes someone in a whole lotta trouble!"
Hope you get flowers whenever you should!
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,058 Likes: 5 |
Here are some definitions that may make you smile?
** Knee - A device for finding rocks in your garden. ** Green Fingers - Something everyone else has plenty of. ** Perennial - This year, possibly; next year, unlikely. **Seed catalogue - A work of fiction with fantasy photos. ** Spade - Highly efficient back-pain generator
I certainly agree with the one about seed catalogues (and packets) What could you add?
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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Oh Lestie, I LOVED all these!!! I definitely had a good laugh Keep up the good work!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Great Deanna and all - please keep smiling!
I don't know who wrote this but there is a nice play on words.
Cabbage always has a heart; and Green beans string along. You're such a Tomato, Will you Peas to me belong? You've been the Apple of my eye, You know how much I care; So Lettuce get together, We'd make a perfect Pear. Now, something's sure to Turnip, To prove you can't be Beet; So, if you Carrot all for me Let's let our Tulips meet. Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now, Bee my Honey, dear; Or tears will fill Potato's eyes, While Sweet Corn lends an ear. I'll Cauliflower shop and say In Thyme you'll see I'm fine I'll work hard and share my Celery, 'Cos your dreams are Parsley mine!
Romance in the garden?
Cheers now
Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 08/25/15 10:14 PM.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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...and here are some more definitions.
** Gardener: aka Plant Manager.
** A pink Carnation : A country where people only drive pink cars.
** Snapdragon: A grouchy short-tempered gardener.
** Ho(a)rseradish: a small round red vegetable that whispers.
** Germinating: Becoming a German citizen.
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 11,963 Likes: 30 |
A little bit of mathematics: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
And seeing your seed catalogue definition, I thought you'd like this little glossary of The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:
"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
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Hey Mona, these are fun ... similar to the meaning behind the meaning of words chosen to describe houses for sale.
Anyway, here are five more definitions for a smile:
**Dahlia: Shakespeare in the morning.
**Rhubarb: Blushing celery.
**Black Thumb: You have one if the rocks in your rock garden die
**Annuals: Disappointment once a year
**Bulb: Buried potential
Cheers now - add some of your own...
Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 08/27/15 06:36 AM.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
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Here is something from Mike Garofalo - smile now!
People are like Potatoes!
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others ... They are called "Speck Tators.
Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ... They are called "Aggie Tators."
There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing We call them "Hezzie Tators."
Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ... They are called "Medi Tators."
There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing expenses ... We call them "Compu Tators."
Add a smile of your own - just make it garden related,
Cheers now.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Definitions continued ...
** Weeds: Dumb plants that just don’t get it.
** Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
** Garden gnome: One way to ensure colour all year round in the garden.
** To prune: To prevent others from having fun.
** A hot potato is a stolen yam.
I am running out of these now - please add some if you can!
Cheers
Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 09/12/15 02:53 AM.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Here is a question to ponder ... hopefully it will make you smile as well.
Q: What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy?
A: A rash of good luck.
Cheerio for now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Some more definitions ...
** Garden gnome: One way to ensure colour all year round in the garden.
** To prune: To prevent others from having fun.
** A hot potato is a stolen yam.
Smile now and think up some to add please, ta.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Okay - as they say, a lot in life comes in threes, so here is the third touch of humour for today.
A new business was opening in uptown premises and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
The flowers arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace." The owner was surprised with his friend for sending this funny message, and called the florist to ask about it.
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you if were offended, but it gets even worse … somewhere out there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."
Oops.
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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Dear Lestie! Thank you for starting my day off with laughs! I am definitely smiling. Have a wonderful day.
Michelle Anne Cope Short Stories Editor
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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HA HA!! And thanks from me too, that brought a laugh out loud kinda laugh Have an awesome day Lestie
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BellaOnline Editor Koala
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BellaOnline Editor Koala
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Too funny, thanks Lestie! lol
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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Posts: 11,963 Likes: 30 |
A limerick. I didn't write it, but I imagine we could write some. (But for me, not today.)
Fine orchids are lovely and chic the colors are rare and unique with prices so high I’m wondering why the flowers last less than a week!
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BellaOnline Editor Koala
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BellaOnline Editor Koala
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Okay, so you're on Mona! Here's my first attempt.
When describing her garden so pretty She used words some might think of as witty But of weeds there were many She'd been warned by her Granny To include these. Oh Dear! More's the pity.
Ha de Ha ... join in please!
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,240 |
Oh Mona and Lestie, those limericks were AWESOME!!!
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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Well, ok, can't let you limer on your own.
There once was a gardner called Lestie Whose weeds in her pots turned her testy But the Sun made her smile And forget squatters vile Flowers and fruits are life at its besty.
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Okay - so you made me smile with pleasure, thanks for that ... you and the Sun!
Now here is one for you and another for the Gardeners why not?
Astro-specialist she is, her name's Mona To our knowledge of heaven, a big donor See, when it comes to the skies One just has to surmise That even E.T. would want to phone her!
...and then
Carrots and Beans and Tomatoes and Squash Placed on the table as yummy-yum nosh But unless, while you're cooking At your pots you are looking You may land up with tosh. Oh my Gosh!
Cheers now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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BellaOnline Editor Tiger
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Though gardening's always been a nice thought, Sadly a green thumb, I have naught, Tomatoes and greens Though they've been a nice dream It's to market for veggies I've sought.
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Very clever Deanna - thanks for joining in, but please, banish that thought of nought when it comes to your green thumb.
Try growing some spinach - that is if you like it. It is surely the easiest thing to put in a pot with sunshine and water it can't help growing. Harvest by cutting away the outer leaves and it will keep on producing from the centre for a long while.
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Joined: May 2010
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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Posts: 11,963 Likes: 30 |
Lestie and Deanna, your rhymes have made me smile. Not to mention (but I will) - aw shucks! - my very own limerick.
So I've now been inspired to create a little tale which suggests that revenge is not necessarily a dish best served cold.
There once was a man from Wales Who had no collards or kales They were more hole than leaf And 'twas his belief They'd gone from the pots to the snails.
But he knew a French lady called Margot Who was moved to act by his heart's woe – Bring me garlic and beurre And a sauté pan, Sir These snails will soon be escargots.
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Definitions to go ...
** Tulips: Dutch kissers
** Garden hose: Socks for gardeners.
** Turnip: What I do with my nose at the lack of Legume in economy class; too Marrow.
Cheers
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,058 Likes: 5 |
and another limerick or two ...
Lucy was a keen Gardener latent For her interest in pots was quite patent But as everyone knows A seed planted just grows As it wishes, and only if you’re patient!
and
There was a sweet gardener called Maisy Who’s real name was supposed to be Daisy When called Maisy she’d say In quite the nicest way “Why should I care – I’m just not that crazy!â€
Cheers for now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,058 Likes: 5 |
Hello there,
A couple more home-made limericks why not?
Someone said to plant lots of fruit in tandem With flower seeds just scattered at random, But what they didn’t say Was there’d come the day Of harvest. Too much? Well, we canned’em!
and
There was this old gardener while green-thumbing Who was famous for working, while humming Songs to his plants green To make them all keen To note which way was going, and which coming!
Cheers now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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Posts: 1,713 |
What a great way to start the morning! I enjoyed your limericks. Thank you, Lestie.
Michelle Anne Cope Short Stories Editor
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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BellaOnline Editor Renaissance Human
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Posts: 11,963 Likes: 30 |
I love old-fashioned roses
“Rose is a rose is a rose†a line that everyone knows but I don't think it shows how the scent hits my nose and carries away my woes.
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,058 Likes: 5 |
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!
Here are three home-grown limericks for a smile I hope ...
It’s Trick or Treat time all over the place Time to put orange and black in your space, With ghouls and ghosties You can make the mosties By dressing up and painting your face!
It’s Halloween! So lovely at this time of year A time full of games and fun I hear Candies are dandy And sweets are treats As for tricks! No no! It’s those that we fear!
My Jack O’Lantern is fancy and scary … see So if you are offering tricks be wary … he he Any sweets are treats And really nothing beats Giving lots to that pink fairy … me!
Don't allow the bats in your belfry to behave badly!
Cheers now
Lestie Mulholland Container Gardening Editor
Contain your Delight - it's easy!
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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BellaOnline Editor Chipmunk
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Posts: 1,713 |
Lestie, I absolutely love your limericks! Thank you for making my Friday! Have a great weekend. Chel
Michelle Anne Cope Short Stories Editor
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