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Hi one and all,

Well I thought we could start a thread with jokes and comments and anything that may hit a funny bone or two with a gardening theme loosely woven in.

I hope you will join in, here is my first contribution.

...............................................................
Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands at the back. Herb says to Sam: "We went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"

Herb says: "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?" Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb.

He then calls ahead to his wife Rose. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"
...............................................................

Ah well. Seeing that it is Valentine's day today, I thought of using the rose first up.

Cheers now


Lestie Mulholland
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Hello there - no offence meant none taken I hope!

Two elderly ladies Ruby and Matilda were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

Ruby leaned over and said, "Life is so boring these days. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'll take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"

"You're on!" cried Matilda, holding up a $10.00 note.

As fast as she could, little old lady Ruby fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the Town Hall.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. Then naked Ruby burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"For heaven's sake what happened?" asked her waiting friend, "did you get into trouble?"

"No not at all," Ruby answered, smiling with glee "But, I won the $30 first prize for the Best Dried Arrangement."


Cheers now


Lestie Mulholland
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Smile for today?

A man walks into a florist shop: 'I'd like some flowers please.'
'Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?'
He shrugs: 'Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh...'

'Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?'

It reminds me of a picture joke I once saw where there is a huge bunch of flowers and all you can see are two small legs sticking out of the bottom, where the guy is walking up a garden path to his front door. The next door neighbours are chatting and the legend says "There goes someone in a whole lotta trouble!"

Hope you get flowers whenever you should!

Cheers


Lestie Mulholland
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Here are some definitions that may make you smile?

** Knee - A device for finding rocks in your garden.

** Green Fingers - Something everyone else has plenty of.

** Perennial - This year, possibly; next year, unlikely.

**Seed catalogue - A work of fiction with fantasy photos.

** Spade - Highly efficient back-pain generator

I certainly agree with the one about seed catalogues (and packets) What could you add?

Cheers


Lestie Mulholland
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Oh Lestie, I LOVED all these!!! I definitely had a good laugh smile Keep up the good work!


Deanna Joseph

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Great Deanna and all - please keep smiling!

I don't know who wrote this but there is a nice play on words.

Cabbage always has a heart;
and Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.
Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our Tulips meet.
Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I'll Cauliflower shop and say
In Thyme you'll see I'm fine
I'll work hard and share my Celery,
'Cos your dreams are Parsley mine!

Romance in the garden?

Cheers now





Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 08/25/15 10:14 PM.

Lestie Mulholland
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...and here are some more definitions.

** Gardener: aka Plant Manager.

** A pink Carnation : A country where people only drive pink cars.

** Snapdragon: A grouchy short-tempered gardener.

** Ho(a)rseradish: a small round red vegetable that whispers.

** Germinating: Becoming a German citizen.

Cheers


Lestie Mulholland
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A little bit of mathematics:
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

And seeing your seed catalogue definition, I thought you'd like this little glossary of The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:

"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.

"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."

"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."

"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.

"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.

"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.

"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."

"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.

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Hey Mona, these are fun ... similar to the meaning behind the meaning of words chosen to describe houses for sale.

Anyway, here are five more definitions for a smile:

**Dahlia: Shakespeare in the morning.

**Rhubarb: Blushing celery.

**Black Thumb: You have one if the rocks in your rock garden die

**Annuals: Disappointment once a year

**Bulb: Buried potential

Cheers now - add some of your own...



Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 08/27/15 06:36 AM.

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Here is something from Mike Garofalo - smile now!

People are like Potatoes!

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others ...
They are called "Speck Tators.

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ...
They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing
We call them "Hezzie Tators."

Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ...
They are called "Medi Tators."

There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing expenses ...
We call them "Compu Tators."

Add a smile of your own - just make it garden related,

Cheers now.


Lestie Mulholland
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Definitions continued ...

** Weeds: Dumb plants that just don’t get it.

** Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

** Garden gnome: One way to ensure colour all year round in the garden.

** To prune: To prevent others from having fun.

** A hot potato is a stolen yam.

I am running out of these now - please add some if you can!

Cheers

Last edited by Lestie4containergardens; 09/12/15 02:53 AM.

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Here is a question to ponder ... hopefully it will make you smile as well.

Q: What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy?

A: A rash of good luck.

Cheerio for now


Lestie Mulholland
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Some more definitions ...

** Garden gnome: One way to ensure colour all year round in the garden.

** To prune: To prevent others from having fun.

** A hot potato is a stolen yam.

Smile now and think up some to add please, ta.


Lestie Mulholland
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Okay - as they say, a lot in life comes in threes, so here is the third touch of humour for today.

A new business was opening in uptown premises and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

The flowers arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace." The owner was surprised with his friend for sending this funny message, and called the florist to ask about it.

"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you if were offended, but it gets even worse … somewhere out there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

Oops.


Lestie Mulholland
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Dear Lestie!
Thank you for starting my day off with laughs!
I am definitely smiling.
Have a wonderful day.


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HA HA!! And thanks from me too, that brought a laugh out loud kinda laugh smile

Have an awesome day Lestie smile


Deanna Joseph

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Too funny, thanks Lestie! lol

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A limerick. I didn't write it, but I imagine we could write some. (But for me, not today.)

Fine orchids are lovely and chic
the colors are rare and unique
with prices so high
I’m wondering why
the flowers last less than a week!

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I love it!

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Okay, so you're on Mona! Here's my first attempt.

When describing her garden so pretty
She used words some might think of as witty
But of weeds there were many
She'd been warned by her Granny
To include these. Oh Dear! More's the pity.

Ha de Ha ... join in please!

Cheers


Lestie Mulholland
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Oh Mona and Lestie, those limericks were AWESOME!!!


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Well, ok, can't let you limer on your own.

There once was a gardner called Lestie
Whose weeds in her pots turned her testy
But the Sun made her smile
And forget squatters vile
Flowers and fruits are life at its besty.

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Okay - so you made me smile with pleasure, thanks for that ... you and the Sun!

Now here is one for you and another for the Gardeners why not?

Astro-specialist she is, her name's Mona
To our knowledge of heaven, a big donor
See, when it comes to the skies
One just has to surmise
That even E.T. would want to phone her!


...and then

Carrots and Beans and Tomatoes and Squash
Placed on the table as yummy-yum nosh
But unless, while you're cooking
At your pots you are looking
You may land up with tosh. Oh my Gosh!


Cheers now


Lestie Mulholland
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Though gardening's always been a nice thought,
Sadly a green thumb, I have naught,
Tomatoes and greens
Though they've been a nice dream
It's to market for veggies I've sought.


Deanna Joseph

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Very clever Deanna - thanks for joining in, but please, banish that thought of nought when it comes to your green thumb.

Try growing some spinach - that is if you like it. It is surely the easiest thing to put in a pot with sunshine and water it can't help growing. Harvest by cutting away the outer leaves and it will keep on producing from the centre for a long while.

Cheers


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Lestie and Deanna, your rhymes have made me smile. Not to mention (but I will) - aw shucks! - my very own limerick.

So I've now been inspired to create a little tale which suggests that revenge is not necessarily a dish best served cold.

There once was a man from Wales
Who had no collards or kales
They were more hole than leaf
And 'twas his belief
They'd gone from the pots to the snails.

But he knew a French lady called Margot
Who was moved to act by his heart's woe –
Bring me garlic and beurre
And a sauté pan, Sir
These snails will soon be escargots.

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Definitions to go ...

** Tulips: Dutch kissers

** Garden hose: Socks for gardeners.

** Turnip: What I do with my nose at the lack of Legume in economy class; too Marrow.

Cheers


Lestie Mulholland
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and another limerick or two ...

Lucy was a keen Gardener latent
For her interest in pots was quite patent
But as everyone knows
A seed planted just grows
As it wishes, and only if you’re patient!


and

There was a sweet gardener called Maisy
Who’s real name was supposed to be Daisy
When called Maisy she’d say
In quite the nicest way
“Why should I care – I’m just not that crazy!”


Cheers for now


Lestie Mulholland
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Hello there,

A couple more home-made limericks why not?

Someone said to plant lots of fruit in tandem
With flower seeds just scattered at random,
But what they didn’t say
Was there’d come the day
Of harvest. Too much? Well, we canned’em!


and

There was this old gardener while green-thumbing
Who was famous for working, while humming
Songs to his plants green
To make them all keen
To note which way was going, and which coming!


Cheers now


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What a great way to start the morning!
I enjoyed your limericks. smile
Thank you, Lestie.


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I love old-fashioned roses

“Rose is a rose is a rose”
a line that everyone knows
but I don't think it shows
how the scent hits my nose
and carries away my woes.

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!

Here are three home-grown limericks for a smile I hope ...

It’s Trick or Treat time all over the place
Time to put orange and black in your space,
With ghouls and ghosties
You can make the mosties
By dressing up and painting your face!


It’s Halloween! So lovely at this time of year
A time full of games and fun I hear
Candies are dandy
And sweets are treats
As for tricks! No no! It’s those that we fear!


My Jack O’Lantern is fancy and scary … see
So if you are offering tricks be wary … he he
Any sweets are treats
And really nothing beats
Giving lots to that pink fairy … me!


Don't allow the bats in your belfry to behave badly!

Cheers now


Lestie Mulholland
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Lestie, I absolutely love your limericks!
Thank you for making my Friday!
Have a great weekend.
Chel


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