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CALVES LIVER

In life there are givers and takers

As well as haves and haves not.

So when it comes to calves liver

I’d always be a giver

Although I’d rather just be a have not.


SERVED WITH AN EXTRA SMALL GLASS OF CREAM SODA

A open-faced sandwich of fresh frozen oven fried turkey ham and boneless ribs

With all natural artificial seasoning

Is pure adulterated oxymoronic reasoning.


GREEN MUNG BEANS

There’s really not much to say about the unsung mung

Other than it has a coming out

and turns into a bean sprout.


GUN CONTROL

“Guns don’t kill people, people do,”

May be true-

but isn’t it unconstitutional to put locks on people?


THE RAVEN

Brave not craven,

the raven is brazen,

to the point that some people would prefer to see them braising.


THE WHITE TRUFFLE

This truffle isn’t a trifle

Since it’s a fungus whose price is humongous.


THE EEL

Nobody empathizes with eels

Because who the heck cares how they feels.


THE PLIGHT OF THE CELERIED EMPLOYEE

Sure organic is very expensive

but during a break from my job at the upscale vegetable store

I became quite pensive

and realized my salary should be more than just celery.


AN EXPLANATION FOR MY LOW SELF-ESTEEM

t has been sagely said that success begets success,

Which explains why my life is such a mess

Since as a baker I can’t even make a decent baguette.


SO LONG REPUTATION

A woman from Indonesia was invited to a party

Which she incorrectly assumed was going to be of the garden variety.

When she arrived, embarrassed, this guest was aghast.

Having lost face, she started to pace.

Looking down at her apparel it was apparently far too normal.

“This is so wrong!”

“I should have worn a formal sarong.”



WHY DID HE HUG THAT SLUG?

Why would anybody love parasistoids?

Who knows!

You’d probably have to ask Freud.


THE LESSER AND GREATR ROAD RUNNER

When it too infrequently does appear

Almost as if from out of thin air

This cuckoo won’t spook you

As the goofy-looking roadrunner who’s a visual stunner

Fleetingly footingly zigzags up the trail,

Then hopping-skipping-jumping-flying over a wall or rail

Displaying not only its flamboyant tail

but that there’s no bird that’s funner.

SAUCE SRIRACHA

Sriracha is a Thai hot chili sauce

That’s hard to predict if for you it will be the condiment which really tops them all.

So all I can say to you is what my mother said to me:

Que sriracha sriracha whatever will be will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sriracha sriracha.


SCALLION PANCAKES


Preparing them is as easy as can be.

All you need is flour, salt, water, and minced scallion.

With very little muscle power you roll them out round and fairly thin,

but if you’re messy like me with flour everywhere from the floor, counter, and rolling pin

to all over my person,

to clean up after making them takes a scrubbing, sweeping, and mopping battalion-

so in the future for my sanity, hair’s, and jean’s sake I’ll forsake making those pancakes.


WHEN THE SAINTS KEEP MARCHING ON AND ON...


From early morning to late in the evening

With church bells clanging and clanging…

With sky rockets blasting and blasting…

With brass bands blaring and blaring…

Everyday in our small Mexican pueblo seems like a perpetual Saints Day

With noisy procession after procession…

Making me pray for a strong street clearing tropical depression.


SOFTENER?


When my wife is away I kind-of-sort-of do the laundry,

Even though I’ve been repeatedly asked then told not to.

I must admit hers comes out way whiter or brighter,

Way cleaner, softer, straighter, and drier.

That’s why both she and I couldn’t be happier

She’s not a frequent flier.


TABOULEH


Mostly parsley with olive oil some tomatoes, cucumber, and bulgur wheat

If you’re an extreme carnivore tabouleh on your dining room table would be taboo

and if it somehow made it way there would get a resounding boo.


THE PERSIMMON


A fruit with a bland personality

In my opinion

If you ate only persimmon

You’d certainly be a slim one

Full of mineral and vitamin

but as a diet for a homo sapien

it would be boring and a grim one.


RABBIT FOOD


Sure it’s low in calorie

But it’s dirty, stalky, and stringy.

You may say I’m picking on celery

As I don’t like it even a little bit,

Thus it’s a good thing we have a not so picky rabbit.


LENTILS


Unlike bruise easy basil,

What I like about lentils

is that you don’t have to handle them gentles.


[b]OH NO TO A LIMA BEAN


Oh no little lima bean

Forever you shall remain unseen

For anything that’s related to succotash

Will be banished to the trash.


A VEGAN'S REPLY


Ovine or bovine?

I’d rather mine comes from the vine.