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Another day feeling like a zombie.

My parents were a little bit more annoying, they still are careful (the reason is still that they are scared that i may scream at them or do something else like that NOT because they care) but it's easy to see that they are loving seeing me basically a zombie.

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Today was the same as yesterday except my parents were more annoying.

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More stress today.

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Less stress today.

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Very low stress today. I still feel like a zombie though and the insomnia is back.

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Higher stress level today. This morning before my breakfast something happened and I ended up freaking out over it, I was screaming and saying that I wanted to be dead then I asked why I was alive. The rest of the day was better but still had some stress.

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A little less stress day today.

My dad bought me a lobster today (decided to eat it tomorrow) he must of felt guilty for the few seconds he decided to do that, even my mom was shocked.

As for my mom tonight we were having fun and she then decided to ruin it by doing something she knows is driving me crazy so I immediately shut down and ignored her the rest of the day, she felt bad but not enough to apologize, at least she did not start again like she does normally.

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Are you taking any medication for stress?

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Anybody can explain difference between stress and tension?

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Modern Woman,

I was prescribed ten 0,5 ativans more than one year ago, I took the last this Winter. I got another prescription for the same thing but I haven't went to the drugstore to get them.

The way I see this kind of medication is that you need it when you are no longer functional, it may not show here with my comments (especially since i said that i wanted to die for real and that since then i feel like a zombie) but I still am. I am always stressed but I still can function normally.

If I remain with these monsters though I may need to take medication, I don't want to (my parents would LOVE that...my mom has often said that she loved me when i was taken some [2 different pills in 2 different occassions...not for a long time each times] of course she loved it since i was not functional at all with these pills...i could not even brush my teeth during that time).

If I had not started walking again on March 29 and force myself to walk every day since then I may of lost it completely (spent many months inside the house...only went outside for errands and appointments), that fresh air is calming and during that time I am not inside a house with two monsters.

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