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More stress today and almost all of it was caused by my parents.

They were both working hard on trying to make me lose it especially my mom who when I was doing what I normally do to stop her looked at me angry and kept on going trying to win.

The other thing that stressed me was our car. It has been doing a strange sound but today it was hard to start and when it did it was having a low sound and when we were doing our small errands not too far it was making more sound than it used to. I was scared that it would stop and not start again or worst blow up or something.

I had a few other lightbulb moments tonight and these ideas that suddendly came into my head actually close the gaps I needed to close on some things. So that was cool.

I am very tired today, I should be in bed by now but tomorrow will be the last day in a while that I can get up when I want to so I figured that I would stay up longer (finally stopped listening to the Hercules trailer before 1:30 to do the last dishes......havent put it on yet in case im still here in a few hours...lol).

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Today it was lower.

I took my last 0,5 ativan last night at 2:58 after my night routine and then went straight to bed. It took me a while (maybe 1 hour) to fall asleep, I do remember waking up twice for a while each times but I slept more than I did sleep the previous nights. I was so relaxed when I woke up that I stayed in bed daydreaming with my eyes closed for maybe one hour before getting up.

As for my parents they were annoying but compared to previous days they seemed calm. My mom was the most annoying this morning, it was like she knew that I had gotten up relaxed and she had to ruin that. My dad was the most annoying tonight, he did not gave the impression to do that on purpose (he rarely does....my mom its obvious she does it on purpose but with my dad its like he has lost his mind and gone completely insane or is about to lose it).

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Lower stress today.

Both my parents had annoying moments but I was able to block them (they each had 1 moment where it was hard).

I again had lightbulbs moments today. And also I was able to find a way out of a problem that came up, instead of freaking out or/and giving up I stayed calm and after thinking about it I found a solution.

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My stress today was about like the level as yesterday.

I will start walking again tomorrow, I am sure this will help lower my stress or at the very least calm me during the walks and clear my brain (and give it fresh air!!!).

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My stress was very high today.

First my dad was driving me insane when I was doing the first part of my morning routine. Then I got banned from my email account (got it on february 27!!!!!!!! all they told me was that my account was suspended) at first I was angry then I started to freak out a little while I was trying to find a cheap stupid place to finish the time I had set for that email address then when that new one did the same to me right after welcoming me I had a panic attack (first saying what will i do without an email address then i said that i would get rid of the internet then i started insulting myself then hitting myself then saying that i wanted to be dead...it sound stupid over an email account BUT i was waiting for march 29 for over a month [for a few reasons...turns out it did not happened....my fault though and its not the end of the world] AND i had set that day for a new beginning.....november 9 2009 THE LAST NORMAL DAY OF MY LIFE......its like my city is the entrance of hell and my house is right on it!!!!!). And then my mom was driving me insane when I was trying to eat after calming myself and getting a new email address (had to go with the 1 my internet provider gave me....i hate it.....they put my moms name instead of mine and she does not want to call to make it ok).

Thankfully my Dallas Stars calmed me plus they won and the team that has the final playoffs spot lost so they are just one point behind!

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Another high stress day and it was all caused by my parents.

My dad was like a psychopath tonight. He went full speed when my mom told him tonight about the misery of a few of our family members (that kind of things always makes him happy). I almost hit myself when I was trying to block him. I have this thing where I hit my nails on my desk and it did not worked so I started hitting my hands and then fists and I was also talking loudly with music playing and I could still hear him being insane in the kitchen.

And my mom is now giving me these angry looks (she started doing this a few weeks ago when i stop her) at random during the day even when she is not acting like a lunatic. I almost screamed at her to shut up a few times, at one point I was screaming it in my head and I was sure that I had did it for real.

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Lower stress day for me.

There were a few times when my parents got to me, normally when they are like that I can ignore them but because of the previous two days they got to me and it took me a while to block them.

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Dear Nancy -

It is great that you are learning to block them!

Think of them like puppies. They do things to get attention. It's not that they want to bug you. That's not what they're thinking. They want attention and bugging you is how they get it. In their mind it's all about "them". It's about what they want.

If your puppy wants attention, and when he barks you go pay attention to him, he'll keep barking. That's how he gets attention.

If you react, you are encouraging your parents to keep it up, because you're giving them what they want. You're giving them their reaction. You're training them to keep up their behavior.

Even eye rolling is a reaction. It gives them satisfaction that they got a reaction.

Just walk away. Don't give them any reaction at all. If they are intruding on your space, close the door. If you're somewhere you can't close the door, get headphones and put them on. Block them out with no reaction. The more you train them, the more they will react differently.

But if you keep training them that you'll react to their bugging, the more they're trained to bug you smile. You are rewarding them for their behavior and they'll keep it up.


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Low stress today.

My parents annoyed me but they did not pushed me over the edge, I was far from the edge. I mostly rolled my eyes or sighed when they were acting up, some points had me frustrated but that was it. They were quite tame by their standards so this is very scary because when they do that their either come back acting like two lunatics all day long or they do something cruel to me.

Tomorrow they both go to Rimouski with an aunt so I will have a few hours of peace an quiet. They will go at around 10:00 which is about the same time I'll get up so if they are not gone by the time I am up they will be close to leaving.

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Very low stress today.

Almost nothing from my parents today, they annoyed me for just a few seconds, that was it. If it weren't for those few seconds and the few seconds I almost let something that was making me angry (there too i calmed myself pretty fast and i did not let it get to insulting myself like it now happens when i am very angry) get to me I would of had no stress today.

I got up after my parents had left and when I came back from a walk they were still not back, that quiet in the house was so awesome.

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