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boyfriend has depression/s.a.d and pushing me away #859079
03/11/14 10:21 PM
03/11/14 10:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3
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lonley21 Offline OP
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lonley21  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3
Im a 43 year female and been seeing a 36 year old male ( he suffers with S.A.D. and struggles with his emotions ..been going out for a year everything’s has been great with the relationship, but we are an hour away from each other, we have been seeing each other mainly every 2 weeks but sometimes it was ¾ weeks due to life getting in the way iv always tried to understand. He doesn’t work right now but has been trying to get work. Yesterday, 1 day before our year anniversary he decides to say he wants to be single, but cant give me an explanation at all, he cares about me, wud kill for me, wants to be with me. Doesn’t want to lose me or couldn’t bare to see me with anyone else..but he doesn’t think its an idea we should be together due to he’s not in a position to be going out with anyone. its too much pressure ( but doesn’t explain what pressure). Cause he has a billion things etc.. doesn’t think its equal in feeling etc..he says there’s no one else and he hasn’t gone off me, but doesn’t think its fare but he contradicts himself constantly with no real reason that he want to be single, he doesn’t think things will get better and even if he worked it wud be worse due to more hours.. he repeats saying he has nothing to give feelings wise but i ask is it cause he has no feeling for me, he says no he has strong feeling for me.i said he just wants to scrumple me up and throw me away by dumping me, he said im not doing that. I said but that’s what ur doing. he said im just saying i don’t see a future in it, well for the majority of 2014 anyway while he sorts out things.. he repeats over and over iv got nothing to give, iv got nothing left to give, he says he cares about me and im cool we get on etc but he says im just in no situation to be with anyone..its not that i want to throw it away, iv just got nothing left to give, what u want i can’t give u that???Feelings and stuff..when i ask what feelings he has for me he struggles saying i care about u, of course i have got feelings for u, good ones, the good kind, i like you but struggles with saying any more, yet he says he wud hate it if i was with someone else and wud kill for me. He says he not pushing me out of his life, but he is. And doesn’t want to be in any relationship at all.. and says over and over im not going anywhere. I’m so confused and put a year into this relationship and my heart and soul is with him even with his faults, but so confused in on hand he doesn’t seem to want to lose me but he’s dumping me.?? Please help me ...i don’t know what to do.. p.s. he also dumped me in oct similar reasons but blamed it on S.A.D. and wen we spoke 4 days latter seamed to understand me and we were ok again, but i don’t think it helps he was drinking a lot at the time also and this time was the same he had drunk a lot of alcohol. thanks

Re: boyfriend has depression/s.a.d and pushing me away [Re: lonley21] #859258
03/13/14 06:10 PM
03/13/14 06:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
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Danielle - Dating Editor Offline
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Danielle - Dating Editor  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
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The first thing I'd like to say is that if alcohol is a major theme and he is drinking due to his depression, he needs help. This isn't help that is going to be able to come from being in a relationship and is likely something that he needs to come to. If you think it is a serious problem, I would recommend speaking to him about the issue and offering resources that he can seek out for alcohol abuse and for depression.

Additionally, from what you describe, it sounds like the depression is the result of this back and forth. Depression is a serious issue and if you have not suffered from it yourself, it can be hard to understand the feelings that people go through at times. Depression can often times make you feel as if you have nothing left to give. The medication that people are prescribed can often make you feel as if you don't have feelings anymore.

While he may care about you, it sounds as if he has some serious things that need to be taken care of in his personal life. The idea that he doesn't want to lose you, but can't be in a relationship with you right now is one that can be difficult to accept. Understand that if he has decided to break up with you, you should respect his decision. Caring about someone who has just broken up with you can be hard, but people need support to get the help that they need. Be respectful of what he wants in the situation. Let him know that you are able to go with him to meetings or appointments or whatever is needed, but if he doesn't want you to then that needs to be accepted as well.

Good luck!

_____________________________________

Danielle Deovlet - Dating Site Editor

Dating Site @ BellaOnline

Last edited by Danielle - Dating; 03/13/14 06:12 PM.

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