My husband and I have been together 7 years. His kids were 12 and 8 when we met. The biggest problem was his ex...usual stuff...bad mouthing us, controlling everything, using the kids for power and control, putting them in the middle, etc. Problem is, his 19 year old daughter has learned from the best. She is taking after her mother (who has narcissistic personality disorder)and manipulates and controls everyone around her. Like with her mother, everyone caters to her and her wants and whims. I have such a hard time understanding the power they hold over the entire family.
A year and a half ago, the step daughter lived with us as she couldn't get along with her mother. It started out ok but degenerated at the end. Against my better judgement, I bought her a cellphone and included her on our plan. When she moved out, she was told she needed to arrange her own. She said she had. As far a her dad knew, it had been done. Unfortunately, because of some phone company oversight, it turned out I was paying for her phone for over a year (while she lived with her mom and my husband paid child support; and when she moved in with her boyfriend.)
When I finally got to the bottom of my expensive cell phone bills, I suspended the service.
She was furious and has not spoken to her father ever since. The relationship between my step daughter and me has been strained since she moved out, but I feel badly that my action has lead to her not speaking to her father. This is a typical response when she doesn't get her own way, but the not speaking, cutting him off her facebook is longer than usual.
I have tried extremely hard to be part of this family. I have paid for, accommodated the kids and ex and bit my tongue for too long. I am not able or willing to do this anymore but still feel somewhat responsible. It would be nice to have a relationship with her some day, but for now, life is calmer without her.
I would appreciate any ideas or advice. Friends who are not in this situation simply can't understand.
