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Friends' husband belittled me .... #814783 04/04/13 12:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 397
missyT Offline OP
OP Offline
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 397
 My friends husband was so combative toward me because  of a suggestion I made on Facebook. Here's the story:  My friend had complained that a daycare worker didn't wipe her sons bottom when he'd had an accident and had left him in the bathroom. With wipes and fresh clothes to fend  for himself. Now he's  only three and a half and that is wrong. However, my friend and her husband were basically planning to handle the situation aggressively and asking opinions ( otherwise, I'd have said nothing!).  I  recommended she communicate with a note stating her son requires more care than he'd received and and  that she pack some gloves for the daycare provider to use if need be.  I thought perhaps the care provider didn't have the gloves for the job...she could be new, or just in the wrong field.   Now, her husband didn't have to agree with my take.  however, The rudeness and judgmental attitude of his responses  was insane!  He said, "your response is too hippy for me...trying to placate this teacher.... until you have a child back off,."  and  he also said that I'm not in tune with reality.    I called him on his behavior, he used parenthood as his excuse for rudeness, said that my response [censored] him off , and again stated I didn't know better because I didn't have children.  I didn't validate him with a response.  It was to the point where I wasn't sure how to respond.  It was  just so aggressive, and patronizing.   I don't know if it's a superiority complex or what. As I said, I  called him on the way he talked to me, but otherwise held back.  I'm not going to fight with someone i dont even have a relationship with. I had tried to be a friend but those efforts will now cease.   This isn't the first time with the rudeness and belittling me because my husband and I don't have children. I think all of us on here have been the recipient of this behavior at least once. You know what else, my friend, who was my best friend when she lived here, changed when she had this child ( who she openly told me she didn't want). She became miserable, distanced herself ( emotionally) from me, and really shut me out. I don't even know why I refer to her as a friend. What a shame.  I  guess I'd like a little support! easter

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Re: Friends' husband belittled me .... [Re: missyT] #814953 04/04/13 06:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
BellaOnline Editor
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
I don't think you did anything wrong, and certainly it does not justify the rudeness you received. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean that you don't have a functioning heart or brain. Parents can be ignorant thinking that nobody else but them could possibly have all the answers around child rearing. Everyone learns when the time comes, so they are no better than you are.

Unfortunately a lot of women forget they have friends once they give birth because their entire lives are now dedicated to their children. Unless you have kids yourself it is tough to get back into their circle. Friendship goes both ways, and if she does not want to put a little effort into having a relationship with you then find yourself some friends with common interests.

Hang in there, Missy!

Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
Spirituality Forum Moderator
Re: Friends' husband belittled me .... [Re: missyT] #815298 04/06/13 09:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 148
swearbear Offline
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 148
I really have nothing to add except, he had no right to talk (type?) to you in that fashion...you definitely seem like the calm head, and I agree with your suggestion. Being confrontational doesn't solve anything, and will make matters worse...you don't need a child to see that, just a brain, which this blowhard is obviously lacking. smile

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