logo

Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
LoreenBarton, amyispretty, Akeem Koss, healthiswealth, LamRoy
58383 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums417
Topics119,524
Posts848,315
Members58,383
Most Online449
Mar 28th, 2018
Top Posters(30 Days)
Angie 53
Advertising
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness #790892
11/03/12 10:07 AM
11/03/12 10:07 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Tas - Japanese Culture Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Tas - Japanese Culture  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Politeness is not necessarily a good thing, and Japanese politeness, as famous as it is, can cause headaches for non-Japanese who don�t truly understand it.

Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness


Ching Kin Min
Japanese Culture
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Tas - Japanese Culture] #790919
11/03/12 05:11 PM
11/03/12 05:11 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lori-Dreams  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
Oy, do I know about this problem! I dated boys of different races, including Japanese, but ended up marrying a Caucasian. He would get so frustrated and even annoyed when I tried to explain how some of his actions were rude to my family.

We're not even from Japan. I am yon-sei. But there are some cultural habits we retained and this is one of them. We're not extreme though. We do speak our minds as we are Americanized. But we were raised by parents and grandparents who were overly concerned about being offensive or causing inconvenience. They worry about upsetting the neighbors with loudness, etc.

I went to two craft fairs last year. One was a typical American one; the other primarily Japanese. The crowds were bustling at both. At the American fair, people just bumped into you and pushed to see all the goods; at the Japanese fair, everyone was polite and stepped aside if you wanted to see something. "I'm sorry. Please go ahead."

Now, they MIGHT have been thinking, "Wow, what a rude girl. I was here first." LOL.


Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
Bellaonline Marriage site
Twitter: @BellaMarriage
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Tas - Japanese Culture] #790920
11/03/12 05:16 PM
11/03/12 05:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lori-Dreams  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
But going back to the original question in your article, I feel that it is best, however you choose to react, to be sincere.

I am sincerely concerned about other people's feelings. But I do not say one thing and think another. Well, unless it would hurt the other person's feelings to a serious degree. I am polite but not overly, insincerely polite.

In some cases, I am blunt. I can say no and I don't do things that I really do not want to do. That is the American in me. Or is it that I am old? hehe.


Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
Bellaonline Marriage site
Twitter: @BellaMarriage
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Lori-Dreams] #790928
11/03/12 05:52 PM
11/03/12 05:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,024
TX
Elleise - Clairvoyance Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elleise - Clairvoyance  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,024
TX
My husband and I, though not Japanese, have that same "overly-concern" of noise or disturbing family/neighbors.

Infact we've joked (sort of) that we've had some type of Oriental past-life together. It's a repetitive dream, where I am not to speak, serving or laying out plates with my fingers tucked in so I was using my knuckles basically and it was almost a ritual of art as I did this. Each plate had to be turned so many times in a certain direction. I remember it had to be perfect and I was trained.

I also agree, SO much about politeness and cultures! The Japanese have such a very lovely clulture, both my husband and I enjoy many aspects of it.

We went to a fair, and you're right, people just bump right into you and can even look for that "bump" to start a fight frown

My father taught in Thailand for 3 yrs. He too said the culture was very different from American. They were overly attentive to your comfort and needs, very polite, etc. whereas here, it's more about the "I."

I am in love with the aspect of the younger generation respecting and caring for their elders, whereas here, in America, I find they are disrespectful. I just don't feel that's the proper way to go about all of those years and wisdom our parents and grandparents carry within them!


Karen Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
Clairvoyance Site
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Tas - Japanese Culture] #790931
11/03/12 06:19 PM
11/03/12 06:19 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lori-Dreams  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,963
The views toward the elderly are another topic entirely, Elleise! And yes, we do revere our elders!

However, we can ask Tas how that is changing in Japan today. I read somewhere that more and more nursing homes are popping up in Japan. In the past, it was unheard of to put your elder anywhere else but a relative's home!

We just placed our elderly childless aunt into an assisted living, and while it was the best situation for her, we still get tacit disapproval from the extended family members. Hers was a different case, however, as she always lived quite alone even her husband was frequently gone from the house so she just didn't like to live with a bunch of other people. She is in a resort-like setting in her own apartment nearby and I visit her weekly or more often.

As for my parents, they lived with my sister. My mother is still alive and she will need increasing care but I will go to their house and stay with her all day until someone comes home. We do have a different relationship with her versus my aunt though. My mother does not want to go into an assisted living condo so we gladly will keep her at home with family.

As for respect, yes absolutely. We do treat our elders with respect. They've earned it. smile

Last edited by Lori-Dreams; 11/03/12 06:23 PM.

Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
Bellaonline Marriage site
Twitter: @BellaMarriage
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Lori-Dreams] #790984
11/04/12 03:41 AM
11/04/12 03:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Tas - Japanese Culture Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Tas - Japanese Culture  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Filial piety is still pretty big in Japan and indeed in many Asian cultures. I've not heard of the rise in the elderly being put in homes, but I wouldn't be surprised, coz of the 少子化 "Shoshika" phenomenon.

Japan is facing a serious population decline problem. It's been in the news every year. People are not getting married, and if they do, they do not want to have children. If they DO have children, they want just 1 or 2. The number of old people in Japan far surpasses that of young adults and children. In Oyama, the city I live in, the average age of the people here is around 45 years (I forgot the exact age).

The government has been inapt in solving this problem, and I don't see the situation improving. So it's not too far-fetched to say that Japan may cease to exist in the near future.


Ching Kin Min
Japanese Culture
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Lori-Dreams] #790988
11/04/12 03:51 AM
11/04/12 03:51 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Tas - Japanese Culture Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Tas - Japanese Culture  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Ah yes, the loudness thingy. Japanese people are so fond of silence. It's everywhere, but the most obvious is inside trains. Regular train announcements remind commuters not to talk on the phone. Talking loudly is frowned upon. Some high school students don't seem to care about this unspoken 2nd rule though, and they have no qualms about talking loudly.

Based on my own experiences, I'm willing to bet that you're absolutely right about what the people at the Japanese fair were thinking. LOL


Ching Kin Min
Japanese Culture
Re: Problems Caused By Japanese Politeness [Re: Lori-Dreams] #790992
11/04/12 04:16 AM
11/04/12 04:16 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Tas - Japanese Culture Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Tas - Japanese Culture  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 158
Japan
Yes, you're right, Lori. Being sincere is the best. But me, working in a Japanese working environment, I gotta be political most of the time. frown



Ching Kin Min
Japanese Culture

Brand New Posts
2018: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/22/18 09:05 AM
Summer Solstice - St John's Day
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/21/18 09:57 PM
Red Planet Reports
by Angie. 06/21/18 07:00 PM
Where are you and how is the weather?
by Angie. 06/21/18 06:59 PM
What did you SPEND money on today?
by Angie. 06/21/18 06:58 PM
What are you looking forward to today?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/21/18 01:16 PM
What will you do today?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/21/18 01:11 PM
What's your Typical Daily Menu?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/21/18 01:03 PM
Did you dream last night?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/21/18 12:59 PM
Art on the Moon – Fallen Astronaut *new article*
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/20/18 08:55 PM
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Who's Online Now
1 registered members (Mona - Astronomy), 78 guests, and 3 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2018 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1