logo

Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
LoreenBarton, amyispretty, Akeem Koss, healthiswealth, LamRoy
58383 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums417
Topics119,521
Posts848,286
Members58,383
Most Online449
Mar 28th, 2018
Top Posters(30 Days)
Angie 52
Advertising
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793309
11/19/12 05:54 AM
11/19/12 05:54 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
loongdragon Offline
Koala
loongdragon  Offline
Koala
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
To Jilly,

Is there any way for you not to have that encounter?Is he a live in boyfriend,a friend.If you are afraid of getting hurt physically or mentally,run away or call the cops.

This is all I can think of with half answers,no details.
Again if you feel in any danger ,get out of ther,where ever that may be.

Your friend

loong


loong

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793310
11/19/12 05:57 AM
11/19/12 05:57 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
loongdragon Offline
Koala
loongdragon  Offline
Koala
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
Dear Lisa,

I knew of the woman mistreatment however,not that much.

loongdragon


loong

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793312
11/19/12 06:02 AM
11/19/12 06:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jilly  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Okay, I called the Crisis Line and they gave me some good advice. I am still a crying wreck. But they suggested some backup safety tips and recommended I try to do something soothing tonite so i can stop being a sad little ball. I make a lot of mistakes and upset people I don't intend to and work myself up into a knot...but the main thing is this worry about my visitor and his expectations of me. I have been VERY clear about not wanting sex....but he keeps pushing my boundaries and I feel like vomiting. frown

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793313
11/19/12 06:09 AM
11/19/12 06:09 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
loongdragon Offline
Koala
loongdragon  Offline
Koala
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,200
Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
Dear Jilly,

No one is forced to do ,anything.Like I wrote,if ever he wants to force himself on you.call the police.

With loving kindness,
loong


loong

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793315
11/19/12 06:23 AM
11/19/12 06:23 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Dear Jilly -

I wrote you privately too, so whatever way you want to handle this, privately or publicly, we are here to help.

You should *never* need to be uncomfortable in your own home. If this man is upsetting you, tell him to stay elsewhere, and only visit him in that other location. He is an adult. He can handle reality. If he in any way tries to pressure you, then walk away. There is no reason to have him anywhere near your home.

No matter what was said up until now, all of us have the right to change our mind and to do what feels comfortable to us in our own homes. Tell him you are no longer comfortable having him in your home, you will meet him in the hotel lobby, and that is it.

If he resists or pressures you in any way, then leave. He is clearly not ready for a relationship with you.

Send him an email telling him that, if it's easier on you. That way you lay out the new rules.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb / Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793319
11/19/12 06:39 AM
11/19/12 06:39 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jilly  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Every day for the last month i have been dreading this visit. THis is a very old friend from childhood. As we are both ending our marriages right now we thought maybe he should visit and see if we are compatible. He bought a plane ticket and nearly every day has been asking for pictures of me for his phone, trying to sext with me, telling me all the things he wants to do to me....even though I have begged him to stop, told him i am not comfortable with this, and that there will be no sex.

He is doggedly persistent and is making me feel like I am not hip since I refuse to sext or flirt. He says, "calm down, baby, it's just talk"...

I've told him he needs to find another woman and that I just want to keep being friends, but then he goes on and on about things that are inappropriate and uncomfortable for me.

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793320
11/19/12 06:50 AM
11/19/12 06:50 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jilly  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
ok, he is still driving up here. I told him i am not going to see him tonite. I locked my door and shut the blinds and hope he won't come by. Hopefully I will be better able to handle this tomorrow. I somehow lost the meds i just picked up, and without them, things are going to be very messy.

Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793321
11/19/12 06:52 AM
11/19/12 06:52 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Dear Jilly -

He has his way of looking at things, and that is OK. At the same time it of course does not mean it has to be your way of looking at things!

MANY people do not like to sext or flirt. This is quite normal for large swaths of the population. Just because he likes to do something does not mean that you or any other person he meets should like to do it too.

You have made clear what you do not want. He has made clear that he doesn't care at all. That he is going to keep inflicting his behavior on you and pressure you. That is not healthy. He is not acting in the manner of a friend.

Again, whatever you might or might not have agreed to in the past, it is FINE for you to change your mind and to state new rules. That is completely your right in your home.

Tell him to get a hotel room. He is an adult, he can handle change. If your love is not worth the price of a hotel room to him, then it was not meant to be. Tell him you will meet in the lobby. If he is not willing to handle this in a way that you are comfortable with, then it was not meant to be.

He needs to earn your respect. He does that through his own actions. If he cares about you, then he should be willing to go at the speed you're comfortable with.

His buying of the ticket does not mean he's bought full access to you. It was *his* choice to buy that ticket, and now it's his choice what hotel to stay in.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb / Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793322
11/19/12 06:57 AM
11/19/12 06:57 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames  Offline OP
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,637
Dear Jilly -

Tell him you're exhausted and that you need to go to sleep. Tell him you will be able to talk with him tomorrow. Tell him there's no way you can be awake tonight or talk with him. Tell him to email you the name of his motel. Make it simple, and clear, and final.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb / Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: Choosing a Partner [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames] #793325
11/19/12 07:02 AM
11/19/12 07:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jilly  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
These are all good points. And I am exhausted from worry, stress and prolonged crying. I am not handling anything well tonite, although I mean well. I feel like I have been ticking away the days of this impending visit like it is some type of doom. He keeps telling me to shave my privates and send photos of me with no clothes on. This isn't the friend I remember.


Page 5 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  JOY (Self Development) 

Brand New Posts
Would you purchase fashion jewelry online?
by amyispretty. 06/20/18 04:32 AM
2018: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 08:16 PM
Where are you and how is the weather?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:13 PM
What are you looking forward to today?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:12 PM
Melatonin
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 05:17 PM
What will you do today?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:45 PM
What's your Typical Daily Menu?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:36 PM
Did you dream last night?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:33 PM
Art on the Moon – Fallen Astronaut *new article*
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 11:49 AM
The Milky Way - Our Galaxy
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 09:21 AM
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 124 guests, and 4 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2018 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1