BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Business owners harassing /blaming survivors

I've been free of the domestic violence situation for almost 3 years. While going through this I found women who would blame other women for the abuse they received. There were a few that were business owners and one that actually donated things for the local womens dv awareness auction. My question is this: what should I do? Going through such a rough time and having others blame me for what was happening and saying I deserved it was painful. (we all know how isolated we have become by this time) I'm thinking of making the Domestic violence center aware of this problem. I realize the business owner only made the donation to get more business while appearing to care for others. I just believe that making domestic violence available to all especially to those in need and making society aware of what really happens is so important. Perhaps it should begin with the ones claiming to help and donating items for the free press. All thoughts appreciated.

No one else has encountered this?

I have heard other women talking about domestic violence and calling the victim stupid for allowing a man to treat her like that. yes, they were saying that it was the womans fault for not standing up for herself. they obviously have no clue what they are talking about. in fact, my mother in law knew what was going on. and she had the same mentality. she just told me I need to stand up for myself. makes me sick to think about that.

HappyHippy - do you work for someone who has done this? Then it can be considered harassment or discrimination. if it is a business, you can contact the better business bureau, someone higher up in the company, or like you said, let a local DV group know about it!

Dearest Jeanette and HappyHippy,

My name is Burt, and I am the third generation of dv.

Because of this my mother hated men and I turned into a bi-sexual sissy.

However, as the years went by I found Connie and am no longer a bi-sexual sissy but heterosexual monogamous.

Now then, money is power and yet it is responsibility also.

This woman is a hypocrite.

She has no clue about the shame and the guilt and the danger of the situation you recently got out of.

Her 'making business' upon the backs of those who suffer will return to her.

Depending upon how strong you are emotionally and financially I would not confront this woman because providence will take care of her.

Righteous indignation is in your heart correctly.

Your best bet would be to discreetly speak with the head person of your local dv and keep going to the highest person to hear your concerns.

Depending upon the integrity of the dv committee in your area, you may get some progress or wrath.

Prayer in whomever 'high power' you may consider will also help.

God Love you for getting out so you can heal.

May you have the Love of Connie and My Heart who also came out of a 25-yr. Loveless marriage.

Love will find a way, even through the darkest and the bitterest.

Connie and I have been hungry and homeless several times, and now The pain and affliction are over and we have a security beyond emotional and financial.

I'm no preacher man, nor bible thumper but I will tell you that Connie had bought us an inexpensive android tablet, and as we speak I'm having it read aloud to me John Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress -- it is comforting.

Love, Peace and Joy be yours friend for it is your birthright !!



Burt & Connie

Thank you for your words of encouragement and insight Burt! I am thankful that you are in a better spot in your life and can find joy and happiness!

You're Welcome Jeanette,

I do hope you heal.

Love,

Burt B.

It is hard for people who haven't been through abusive relationships to totally understand all the concepts. You live in your own lonely world without hope or peace. The mental torment is too much to bare at times. You don't even know how to get help. You feel helpless and worthless as they have told you over and over. Your life crumbles around you. You lose any self esteem you have left. You feel so betrayed, how can this be happening? Why don't they just love you for who you are instead of trying to make you feel bad about yourself? Unfortunately, it is a generational curse that can carry on into your own children. Like it has mine. My only hope is in the Lord! Please Lord help my boys to turn to you instead of following the footsteps of an abuser....Amen.