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If you have bipolar disorder, what are your biggest problems? How does it affect you? Do you enjoy your mania? Is your mania extreme, or do you have hypomanic episodes? Do you have "normal" periods between your depression and mania? Do you have mixed episodes? Is it difficult to determine what type of episode you're experiencing, and when you're changing?

In my opinion, depression is a breeze, compared to mania. That's just my experience, and maybe that's because I am better able to cope with the depression. I just do not dig feeling like someone needs to knock me off the ceiling!! smirk


Kitten Kristine Jackson
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quote Kitten - Depression

If you have bipolar disorder, what are your biggest problems?

Unable to keep a schedule. Lack of concentration. Forgetting where I put stuff. Very Deep Thinking to the point of not functioning. Despair.

How does it affect you?

I have trouble communicating with others and I am totally un-in-tune with the popular culture and how it has accelerated.

I make a lot of social Faux Pas

Do you enjoy your mania?

I only use is to accelerate my spiritual and esoteric studies.

Is your mania extreme, or do you have hypomanic episodes?

It used to be. Now I have it under control via medication + meditation and concentration upon spiritual ' stuff '.

Do you have "normal" periods between your depression and mania? Do you have mixed episodes? Is it difficult to determine what type of episode you're experiencing, and when you're changing?

In my opinion, depression is a breeze, compared to mania. That's just my experience, and maybe that's because I am better able to cope with the depression. I just do not dig feeling like someone needs to knock me off the ceiling!! smirk

What do you do during your mania times ?

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don t both poles give rise to each other?

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It's more of a continuous oscillation that is until you strive to master the zero point at rest and minimize the wild swings.

Last edited by Burt B.; 03/09/12 06:51 PM.
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well yes that s what i meant,i think mastering makes it worse.minimising too.

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ithnk bipolar though is the endless striving to achieve balance by countering.

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well, that's the trick and it has to do with the tao.

just let go and go be is the proper solution.

just like the eye of the hurricane.

you will not survive while it's spinning one way or the other.

you just let go and learn to be and let the oscillations do what they are going to do.

mastering yourself is letting go and letting be in my lexicon.

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ok i understood what you meant by mastering burt.
i m dealing with hurricanes in my third eye,so i m just going to add this,which that i let go and let be but inside me so i can look what it is ,so with my eye i look at it understand it and can let go til i come to the root.
i m not bipolar,but it is the same formular for anything bi-.

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To BurtB. What you described in few posts ,to me seems closer to BPD than Bipolar problems.I am a manic depressive and going on BPD a bit. a simple buddhist named loong

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Hi loong,

Oh yeah !

I've had long-term Bipolar Disorder since I was 16yrs in 1977.

I'm 50 now.

Last edited by Burt B.; 03/09/12 08:55 PM.
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that's good you have conscious control Gemineye smile

gradually let it naturally open like a lotus flower.

please don't force it with any kind of drugs.

then you open yourself to all kinds of horror and end up in the loony bin like me for 3/4 of my life !!!

because I tried to do too much too soon.

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hahaaha burt.
burt i mnot bipolar, i was just refering to the core of bipolarism or so to say.what i have is something else.
but finding the core formula when looking beyond bipolarism is the key.
i don t do drugs but did.studying and all that,rituals, but i stopped long time ago,i did it as a shortcut for sometime.that was long ago before i was conscious of who i was.

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I'm still new to this bipolar thing. I mean, I'm not new to being bipolar, but I'm new to knowing that it is bipolar disorder. All my life, I've tried to figure out what was wrong with me. How I could be thinking the only thing to do was kill myself one day, and thinking the next day, that I must've been crazy to think that way, was more than I could understand. The problem(s) might still be there, but it seemed that I could manage them. Then, I'd be right back at doom's door again.

I knew that suicidal thoughts went along with severe depression, but if I were severely depressed, I shouldn't be having days where I had fun and felt good.

My turning point was seeing a show about Linda Hamilton's bipolar disorder. It described her mania as extreme irritability and rages. I had always read that mania was feeling on top of the world, with tons of energy. I had never had a day like that, but had many days like they described her mania. Then, last year, I experienced a full-on manic episode that I thought would kill me. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that my eyes hurt, and I could barely hold myself up, but I couldn't shut down the thinking. My mind just kept going.

I finally faced the fact that if I'm ever going to have anything close to what most people consider a "normal" life, I will have to be medicated. I've fought it for years, but I'm tired of being tossed around by my moods. I can't plan things because I never know how I'm going to feel and if I'll be able to be around people. I'm just tired of it.

Thanks for all your comments, by the way. (I also suffer from an anxiety disorder, and believe it or not, I get anxious about even coming on this forum! smirk Sorry for not posting before now. Got some meds yesterday...hoping to feel better soon. I've taken these meds before and felt better than I had ever felt--no highs or lows. Just steady. smile )


Kitten Kristine Jackson
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Originally Posted By: Kitten - Depression
I'm still new to this bipolar thing. I mean, I'm not new to being bipolar, but I'm new to knowing that it is bipolar disorder. All my life, I've tried to figure out what was wrong with me. How I could be thinking the only thing to do was kill myself one day, and thinking the next day, that I must've been crazy to think that way, was more than I could understand. The problem(s) might still be there, but it seemed that I could manage them. Then, I'd be right back at doom's door again.

I knew that suicidal thoughts went along with severe depression, but if I were severely depressed, I shouldn't be having days where I had fun and felt good.

My turning point was seeing a show about Linda Hamilton's bipolar disorder. It described her mania as extreme irritability and rages. I had always read that mania was feeling on top of the world, with tons of energy. I had never had a day like that, but had many days like they described her mania. Then, last year, I experienced a full-on manic episode that I thought would kill me. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that my eyes hurt, and I could barely hold myself up, but I couldn't shut down the thinking. My mind just kept going.

I finally faced the fact that if I'm ever going to have anything close to what most people consider a "normal" life, I will have to be medicated. I've fought it for years, but I'm tired of being tossed around by my moods. I can't plan things because I never know how I'm going to feel and if I'll be able to be around people. I'm just tired of it.

Thanks for all your comments, by the way. (I also suffer from an anxiety disorder, and believe it or not, I get anxious about even coming on this forum! smirk Sorry for not posting before now. Got some meds yesterday...hoping to feel better soon. I've taken these meds before and felt better than I had ever felt--no highs or lows. Just steady. smile )



Dearest Kitten:

It is a living hell. I'm 50 years old and I can scare myself with my own thoughts. I was always very timid and shy and everyone thought that I was a sissy a faggot a freak.

I got into some pretty wicked fights and been in jail and mental institutions off and on at the ages of 14, 16, 22, 23, 30, 48.

I take medicine every morning.

I'm very scared and shy to post this now and I'm physically shaking.

I'm a tall man and somewhat handsome, yet I'm deathly afraid of any social interaction.

Connie and I have become recluses.

We have no friends other than our cats.

None.

It took 25 years to get the right medicine.

I'm glad that your new meds are working out.

I wanted soooo bad to be normal, yet I learned that it is best to be natural because there is no normal.

We may in fact have special insight into the sickness of society and we are striving to live life how we were originally supposed to.

Please take the time to view these videos:


http
://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnsTNEXMRL8&list=PLC41AE6B1DB0C0EA0&index=1&feature=plpp_video

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You have made friends here, Burt. You are accepted, and you are LOVED.

Peace and hugs....

Cassie


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Kitten.....it is good that you know the meds will help you. No need to suffer if you do not have to. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs....

Cassie


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Burt, thank you for sharing so freely of yourself. I know it is difficult. It is for me. I share your pain, and I understand it.

I don't have any friends, either. I mean, there are people I care for who I communicate with online, and I would love to see some of them. However, since I can't ever predict how I will feel at any given time, I'm afraid to commit to getting together with people. And sometimes, I just cannot talk to people. Just like sometimes I'm unable to come onto this forum. It's not that I don't want to--I just feel so anxious about it, I can't.

As for the videos, I couldn't get to them. Raw URLs aren't supposed to be posted in here, so maybe that's why. I guess I'm supposed to delete that, but I don't know.

Anyway, know that I care about your pain and your struggles. I share them with you. I wish only the best for you. There are so many of us who are suffering. I'm so glad that you have Connie and your cats. I have Kelley and my little doxie. They help keep me going, since I'm away from my daughter now. She's 20 years old & staying with my mom, and it's tearing me apart. I just have to try to take care of me for now, and that's a full-time job!



Kitten Kristine Jackson
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Cassie, thanks so much for your concern. I had to stop taking this mood stabilizer before because of side effects. Hoping I can be okay with it this time, because I did feel good while on it. smile


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Hi Kitten,

I'm glad you came back on the forum.

I was very concerned that I scared you away.

Yes, these emotional issues are very difficult.

Not many folks understand.

-- Burt B.

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Bipolar disorder runs strongly in my family. It has turned my family inside out on more than one occasion. The worst afflicted was my brother. He didn't like his meds because he liked the up sides but he self medicated with drugs and alcohol. I listened to him attempt to commit suicide over a police scanner. I was a reporter, it just happened to be my brother. Other family members suffer at a lesser degree. One in particular won't or can't admit they need help, and it hurts me greatly.

My brother is no longer with us, mostly on account of a national mental health system that is horribly broken.

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I have a different mental illness but a know a lot of bipolar people from the groups in my guidance clinic. I've seen some really low depression stages (almost catatonia) and some mania that is so difficult to be around that it sets off my own aspergers triggers.

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It doesn't click.

You have to copy and paste it in the browser address box.

Give it a try... it is worth it.

-- Burt B.

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Burt, don't you worry about scaring me away! It's not you, I promise. My anxiety is so bad sometimes that the thought of coming on here feels like I'm about to get some horrible news, or something like that. I know it's irrational, and I should just force myself to go through it, but sometimes, I just can't.

I'm working on a writing project that makes me feel good, though. I tend to gravitate toward things that distract me from my anxiety, and writing fiction does that for me.

And as always, I do understand. And again, thanks so much for sharing your struggles with us. smile

Kitten


Kitten Kristine Jackson
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Diana, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. That's the scariest thing about bipolar disorder. The suicide rate is really high, and I can totally understand why. I've had suicidal ideation since my early teens. I haven't ever attempted, thank God.

I've read that lots of people do enjoy their mania, but I hate mine. That's why I know I have to be medicated--I just go and go, and my mind won't shut down, and I feel like I'm just going to die. And I don't feel happy--I feel very agitated. It's awful.

BD runs in my family, too. There are two suicides in my family in people diagnosed with what they called manic-depressive disorder back then. I have another family member who I've heard was diagnosed with BD, who held his wife at gun point all night long. He also put the gun in his mouth for a long time on another occasion. It's a horrible disease.

And thank you for sharing your pain with us, too.


Kitten Kristine Jackson
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Originally Posted By: Jilly
I have a different mental illness but a know a lot of bipolar people from the groups in my guidance clinic. I've seen some really low depression stages (almost catatonia) and some mania that is so difficult to be around that it sets off my own aspergers triggers.


Jilly, I'm sure it is awful to be around!! But you should be on this end of it!! LOL! No, it is such a serious matter, I shouldn't laugh, but sometimes I just have to make light of things that are so bad. It truly is like being stuck in the middle of a really bad nightmare, and not being able to wake up sometimes. Then, there are what they call "normal" periods between. I don't know about "normal," but they are much easier to take than the extremes.


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You know, I hesitated for a long time about sharing my issues with BD because of the stigma attached to it. I was afraid that people would be afraid to be around me or that they would discriminate against me somehow. But I'm the same person I've always been. When I'm manic or severely down, I avoid people. I don't expose them to my extremes. That is, except for my husband and daughter who, unfortunately, have seen them. But I have to say in my own defense that there are triggers to my "episodes." I don't "go off" for no reason. It's just that when I'm in an extreme, I can't control my reactions like I normally would. I am on meds now that hopefully, will help with my extremes. OH, HOW I LONG FOR THAT "EVEN KEEL"--TO BE BALANCED!!

Anyway, I finally decided that speaking out and sharing my experiences with others was more important than holding onto my fears. As Popeye says, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am." LOL! smile


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The extreme mania is only awful to be around because it triggers my sensory overload issues. Too much incoherent noise and motion. I have to remove myself from that before I need to do something weird in public like crawl under a table and rock with my hands over my ears. That's literally what i have done, actually.

But that's only extreme mania. I can handle the normal mania. I think. I am still learning about bipolar. I think most people I have met are bipolar II?


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I call it too much stimuli. Too much noise and chaos gets to me too, to where I need to remove myself from the situation. It definitely is sensory overload. I don't have it nearly as bad as you can get it, Jilly, but I know exactly what you mean. I go into an anxiety state almost feeling like a panic attack is coming on. When I start to get a little wiggy I know I have to do something about it.

I prefer peace and quiet, with times of joyful noise like my favorite music on occasion. This is one of the reasons I chose not to have kids!


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Hi all, I am new here and found this thread. I can very much relate to it, so thought I would share. I have was diagnosed with "manic-depression" when I was 25 (I'm 50 now). I could not function well in either state as depression immobilized me (as someone else stated, near catatonia) while the mania scattered me to the point where I could get nothing done. I did have times of "feeling normal" in between - but depression seemed to rule and still can if I am not careful. Daily exercise was the first thing I ever used to control mood swings; I tried this after a depressive state so extreme that when I "came out" of it I realized that losing my life was a definite possibility. (I refused to do any meds... too many bad experiences in my family.) After discovering a particular daily exercise that was helpful for me, I learned to use nutrition, too as well as spiritual and mental counseling/guidance. And so, these still help to this day. I still am slightly to one way or the other, but I feel it is normal (at least for me). Sometimes the struggles are daily and I must work harder on myself (tighten diet, get back to exercise, meditate, etc.) and sometimes I actually feel healthy and realize that my emotions are okay to have.

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debbie, i also chose not to have kids, for similar reasons among many others. I find children pretty stressful.

Cindy, thank you for sharing your story. What kind of nutrition helped you? And I agree completely about exercise.




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Originally Posted By: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor
I call it too much stimuli. Too much noise and chaos gets to me too, to where I need to remove myself from the situation. It definitely is sensory overload. I don't have it nearly as bad as you can get it, Jilly, but I know exactly what you mean. I go into an anxiety state almost feeling like a panic attack is coming on. When I start to get a little wiggy I know I have to do something about it.

I prefer peace and quiet, with times of joyful noise like my favorite music on occasion. This is one of the reasons I chose not to have kids!



I totally agree!! I love peace and quiet, too. That's why when I'm manic, I drive myself nuts!! I don't even like coffee with caffeine! Being with someone who's manic would send me running out into the streets screaming! smirk


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Originally Posted By: cindyp
Hi all, I am new here and found this thread. I can very much relate to it, so thought I would share. I have was diagnosed with "manic-depression" when I was 25 (I'm 50 now). I could not function well in either state as depression immobilized me (as someone else stated, near catatonia) while the mania scattered me to the point where I could get nothing done. I did have times of "feeling normal" in between - but depression seemed to rule and still can if I am not careful.

Daily exercise was the first thing I ever used to control mood swings; I tried this after a depressive state so extreme that when I "came out" of it I realized that losing my life was a definite possibility. (I refused to do any meds... too many bad experiences in my family.) After discovering a particular daily exercise that was helpful for me, I learned to use nutrition, too as well as spiritual and mental counseling/guidance. And so, these still help to this day. I still am slightly to one way or the other, but I feel it is normal (at least for me). Sometimes the struggles are daily and I must work harder on myself (tighten diet, get back to exercise, meditate, etc.) and sometimes I actually feel healthy and realize that my emotions are okay to have.


It sounds like you have a good plan! I preach all those things, but they are so difficult to stick with. I think everyone would benefit from the things you mentioned. Keep up the good work, Cindy! smile


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Jilly, my daughter is the greatest blessing of my life. I can't imagine life without her. I love her more than my own life. HOWEVER, as you stated, along with children comes a massive amount of stress, especially when there is more than one. Some people seem to handle them well, but even though my daughter was an excellent child--very compliant and well-behaved--I sometimes felt like my head would explode. I live in fear that she'll write a book on growing up with a nutty bipolar mom! LOL! I did my best, and we were and are still close. But back to your point--yes, dealing with everything involved in having children is very stressful. Not for the faint of heart!


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I know someone who is bipolar. Her biggest challenge since I've known her is the ups and downs and the lack of consistency in her character. When she's down, she's REALLY down, stuck at home, won't go outside even to take the trash out - NOTHING. When she's happy she is overwhelming, way too talkative than most people can handle or keep up with, etc...


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