BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Ever Been Betrayed By A Friend?

Have you ever been betrayed by a friend you really loved? How did you deal with that?

Gosh,

More times than I can count! It's an odd coincedence this is posted. As I was making bread for the evening dinner I thought just these words (reflecting back in my life).

I found myself saying, people seem to make connections as long as it serves them. I didn't like that answer and kept looking for exceptions.

In every case of betrayal, I was a wonderful person to confide in, be around, but I was also the listener, made them feel good.

As soon as that position no longer served them, they went in a direction that served them better.

How did I deal with those situations?

I picked myself up, didn't retaliate, and for the most part, never looked back but for once.

A woman friend of mine had an abusive inner-ratial marriage. The husband threatened her with divorce if she were to ever continue our friendship.

After a time I wanted to check to see if she was o.k. When I saw her, both the husband and the son treated her terribly (though she would deny it) and she looked 80 years old, twice her age, and beaten down.

It's difficult to find people who just value a friendship as the delicate bond that it is. When you find someone that does, you hold onto it with dear life, for they are rare.

I have to add though, that even if I didn't retaliate, some how some way, the person would cross paths with me and would share that they felt poorly for what they did. Somehow it ended up coming back on them 10 fold...

i ve betrayed lots of times for different reasons.also the thing is that everyone has his own level of being betrayed.
people youinvested time in are the worst betrayals i had and the one who one day turned against me.
i ve always been asking the person why at the beginning,but shecould just lie,it was really to help her feel better and probably also a bit egoistic on my part,and have that feeling of being broken.with time i just let it happen and tried to work it out with myself.looking for too much security in relationshipcan sensitize the threshold of betrayal,so i decided to leave more space in my relationship for the person and between the person and me.no expectancies is a good thing too.maybe it loosens the bond i have with people but also i feel it makes it bigger give more room.but then maybe i ve become like that toprotect myself which would be wrong then,i don t know yet,still thinking.

alsoi have to say thatsome betrayals happenned tome because i betrayed myself in the first place,which creayed an imbalance in my relationships and opened the door to betrayal for the other party to put things even.it s a balance thing really.for example doing to much for someone makes you lose value in one s person s eyes ad betrayal becomes easy.doing something for someone by keeping your verticality prevents any kind of betrayal from the other party has the balance prevents any holes to form.

Gemineye, I agree that giving too much of yourself to someone, or doing too much for that person while neglecting yourself does upset the balance. The other person may not respect you any more when you don't respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. I lost value in my ex-husband's eyes in just that way, and he did betray me with another woman. I did too much for him, thinking I was doing it out of love, but I forgot to love myself first.

It's a mistake I won't make again. Thanks for the great post, Gemineye.

That is a great post, Gemineye. Cassie is so right on that. I agree with you both -- when one does too much for others we can easily lose ourselves and become our own victim.

What about giving away your weaknesses to others? There are people out there who prey on the weaknesses of others by appearing to be a friend until they know what your vulnerabilities are, then they 'pounce' and try to devour, like a wild animal that has been stalking an intended victim. Is this also caused by opening ourselves up for an attack?

A predator in the wild sees a possible victim and stalks that prey. If the prey shows strengths, the predator backs off. If the prey shows any sign of weakness, the predator gets ready for an attack.

It is a delicate line to walk, Phyllis. Of course if we don't reveal ourselves and take a risk we will never get close enough to a person to call them our friend, or even more. Personal things are revealed in time and we try to have trust in the person we are sharing with. Many times what results is a beautiful relationship that is strong, supportive, and caring.

Unfortunately there are people who are insecure, angry, miserable with their own lives, etc. who are very good at acting. They want friendships when it suits them, and they desire them out of selfishness. When something goes wrong that person can lash out in ways you'd never expect when they take their own grievances out on you. The love you gave is crushed under their foot.

So here again, it is a risk that you take. Those who feel love and give love with all of their heart are always at risk of being rejected or attacked at some point if the other person is not sincere. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know that, and by then the loving person has invested so much and will get hurt deeply when the attack comes. A sensitive and loving heart is always at risk.

Thankfully not too many times, since I am pretty selective about whom I call a friend. The only thing I've been able to do when I have been betrayed is to distance myself from the situation. I new that I didn't do anything wrong and in fact did everything that was up to me to maintain that friendship and be a loyal friend. The rest is out of my control, so there is nothing for me to do other than move on. Not to say that I was able to move on right away, but eventually I did.

Great question! I've been betrayed on so many levels by husbands, who are now ex's, friends and even distant family. the amazing thing about it is that I no longer think of it as being betrayed. I now think of the betrayals as lessons I needed to learn in order to grow...no matter how painful the "lesson," I've emerged stronger each and every time and now I'm thankful for what they have each taught me through their actions, not in a bad way, but in how I treat others in the way I want to be treated.

All are life lessons and I'm grateful to have such a rich life.

i have been betrayed so many times.. and the saddest part of my story is that my intimate friends had deceive me which was so painful. but i have no regret though they helped me a a lot in shaping up my personality weaknesses.. we shouldn't blame anyone for what wrong occurred during the past years.. Instead we should always believe in these 3 words " Life goes on " ..