AS the day my son would have been born gets closer and closer, the harder the loss becomes. I thought it would get easier with time, but it has only got harder. I feel bad because it's become hard for me to be around my boyfriends (father of my son in heaven) children without getting sad. I think of what could've been, and feel the live that I'm missing out on. Tonight at dinner I lost it. My boyfriend's daughter was asking him about when she was in her mommy's tummy and about how he used to rub her mom's tummy while she was pregnant. All my emotions came flooding back and I was reminded of him rubbing my stomach when my son was alive inside me. And how that was stolen from me. Tears filled my eyes and I jumped from the table so no one would see and cried in the bedroom.
What makes it even harder is that I have no one to talk to,and feel that no one understands. People I talk to try to be sympathetic and say things they think will help,but it all sounds the same. So I've stopped talking to people about it. It is my own pain, that only I understand
