I have been hurtful to my children. I am an abuse survivor myself. Once the kids told my husband, I voluntarily (my idea) removed myself from the home and started treatment. I have not hurt the kids for over a year, and I have been out of the house for a month.
What have I done in the past? I have screamed mean things at my kids. I have thrown things both in general and at my kids. I have hit them one hit each time. The screaming probably happened every other month or so; the physical stuff more like twice a year or so. I readily admit that I have problems controlling my anger and that is the main thing I'm seeing a therapist about.
There were lines I wouldn't cross and that is how I (wrongly) justified some of what I did. I never hit the kids with an object (I was beat with a flyswatter). I never hit more than once each time (I was beat until sometimes the flyswatter would break). I never physically injured or even bruised them. I told my kids many times that it was [u]my[/u] problem and they never, ever did anything to deserve it.
I have been out of the house for a month and would like to return in another month with ongoing treatment. I have told my husband he can do whatever he needs to assure himself that the kids are safe: install cameras, I'll leave the house when school gets out (they're teens) until he gets home, whatever. He said no. He was going to get therapy for him and the kids while I was gone. But he hasn't gotten to it yet. Now he's saying that I may not be able to return home because he still doesn't feel comfortable since he hasn't talked to someone yet. We had a face to face talk where I was very calm, rational, talked about what I had learned, and listened to his fears and feelings and acknowledged them. But then at the end he said he could tell I was still angry at him and that because of that he didn't feel like the kids were safe. (I told him during the conversation that I had felt anger towards him after my first visit to the therapist weeks earlier because she asked me why I was so angry, and that's what I had wished he had asked me.) Anyway, during this discussion weeks later, I didn't raise my voice or anything. He said he could tell by my body language -- that I held my head in my hands instead of looking at him (I was actually hiding my tears), and that I sighed sometimes while he was talking. I feel like nothing I do will be good enough.
The kids want me home. We have all been very open and honest about this. They do still worry I could explode sometime in the future, but only time will fix that; it has been over a year since the last episode. They did say they feel better that it's been that long and they feel safer since I'm getting help. Other than the horrible things I've done, I'm actually a very understanding and forgiving parent.
Should I turn myself in to CPS? My husband told the kids and me that he's done the research and that I could go to jail, the kids could be taken away, and that he could go to jail for not turning me in and he tells me that's his biggest fear. I wonder if I meet that fear head-on if it will help. I feel like at this point CPS is in a better position to determine if I'm a threat to the kids or not. I would actually welcome a third party coming in and helping us out.... But then I've also heard horror stories that that's not what they really do. What do I do?
Last edited by tigerb; 10/27/11 01:23 PM.
