When I first found out I was pregnant,both me and my boyfriend were overjoyed. Though we weren't expecting it and were in no financial place to do so we were still both so happy. Learning about the baby growing inside me was the happiest moment of my life. All the worries of how I would manage with little to no work seemed to not matter at all because I knew I would care for this child the best way possible. At my 12 week ultra sound I saw the baby inside me for the first time. A true miracle. 3 weeks later I went to the Dr. for my follow up appointment. This was when they told me that the ultrasound detected signs of dextracardio and a limb defect. As I sat in her office and heard this news I cried, not really knowing what this would mean and mad that they hadn't called me in sooner to tell me this. She told me it seemed as though his heart was tilted the wrong direction and they were unable to see the left hand. I went in as soon as I could for another ultrasound. This time he was big enough for them to know that he was a boy. I was so happy to find that out because I really wanted a boy. The same day the Dr. told us what they saw in the first ultrasound was true. My boyfriend and I had decided to terminate if he did in fact have those problems so I scheduled the appt for the d and e 3 days after my 30th birthday. The 3 day procedure was the hardest thing I have ever done.But somehow I knew it was right. Physically and emotionally it has been my greatest pain. He would have been born next month and even though I know I did what I had to do not a moment goes by that I don't think of him and how much I miss him. I will never get to hold him or kiss him,or do any of those things I thought I would do. The hard part now is I am so sad inside and it feels like no one really understands how bad it hurts and how many daily reminders there are out there that stir my feelings. I cry at night for my son ans my empty womb and wish that someone knew how bad it hurts...