BellaOnline Forums Family Attachment Parenting High Need Baby - practical concerns

My son is a 3-month-old high need baby. He prefers to be held all the time, and cries when put in a swing or in his crib when he's awake. He sleeps very well at night, but rarely naps at all during the day. He also squirms and fusses when being worn. This poses some practical concerns - namely, a complete inability to get anything done at all! Most parents suggest putting him down anyway and letting him cry, but I know that goes against the basic tenants of AP. How do I teach him to be comfortable when not in arms without neglecting his needs? How do I move forward now that the "fourth trimester" is over?

I would try getting a front pack to put him in while you go about your day. He can be close to you, but you can have your hands free. Another thing that I found useful for my high needs baby, that sounded a lot like yours, was an automatic swing. I would put him in the swing where I was working, and he would be somewhat content. He learned to love it.

I also had a small playpen that was portable and easily moved for when I was doing housework. The little guy would move room to room with me. If he started crying, I would go over and speak to him, but not necessarily pick him up.

Sometimes, I would strap him into his car seat and pack him around. I did not like to just put him in his room to let him cry, and so I found these work-arounds to be helpful.

I really like Connie's idea of carrying the baby.

If you search on "baby wearing" or "baby slings" you'll get tons of sites that sell slings. I think my favorite was the New Native Baby Carrier... oy, it's been so long, I can't remember.

I tend to like the slings better than front or back carrier packs, it just felt better.

Breastfeeding and Babywearing


I know it seems impractical to have to carry your baby all the time, but really, if you think about how helpless they are, it also makes sense. In most native cultures, and cultures in countries where technology has not yet creeped in, babies are worn as a regular part of the day while mom does what mom normally does.

I know it can be hard and frustrating when you think about all the stuff you need to get done. But this first year will fly by, and when you look back you're not going to be thinking about the "stuff" you got accomplished.

I worked as a massage therapist when my babies were born, and with baby number two I actually managed to give massage while wearing her on my back LOL! It was awesome!

What's cool about the baby sling is you can breastfeed pretty comfortably while wearing baby.

I wouldn't say you have a "high" need baby at all, just a baby who knows where he's supposed to be

Yeah, as I said in my original post, he squirms and cries while worn! We have both an Ergo and a Moby, and neither works. We wants direct, focused attention, and to be bounced, balanced on his legs, etc. Wearing doesnt help!

Sorry Singing.... I'm such a dork!

I just asked because for me, baby wearing took a lot of practice. Finding the right fit and position was challenging for me, and my son went through a period of squirmy-ness until I figured out he wanted to be facing forward with his little legs in front of him (like cross legged almost). I also had to be in motion - a lot!! (so how did I end up gaining weight after the birth when I was moving around all the time???)

BellaOnline is currently looking for an Attachment Parenting writer, so there's not an official person to ask at this moment, but you may try asking in the Breastfeeding Forum Nicki, the BellaOnline Breastfeeding Editor is loaded with information, and breastfeeding usually falls under attachment parenting.

Gosh, other than slings or swings, I got nothing Singing.

The Ergo and the Moby are both great baby carriers. I was about to suggest that the soft wrap type would be best until I re-read your post where you said he wanted to be balanced on his legs, etc.

My oldest acted in much the same way as you are describing here until she could walk on her own. She was the most irritable, frustrated baby girl ever until she could stand and walk. Her mood improved a lot when at 7 months old she took those first few steps. I thought our problems were over until her forward momentum went beyond her balancing capabilities and I seriously thought about buying a baby helmet to keep her from hurting herself in the many, many falls she took. It's always something...sigh.

I would hold the little guy as much as he'll allow and wait for this phase to play out. I took a class recently that said that babies who are not held and reassured have troubles later in life. Current brain studies show that they need to know that we are there for them. Meanwhile, sending positive thoughts your way. Please keep us posted on how things are going with you.