BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CF attitude about others becoming a parent ...

Several friends/family members have had a child in the past month.I can't help but notice some of my computer friends on this forum develop negative feelings when their family and friends make this decision. I don't get all in with the crazed fussing and goo-goo-gaga talk, but I actually feel really happy for my family members. They're doing what they want (or at least what they think they want lol). I guess what I'm suggesting with this post is maybe the best plan of action for us as CFC's is to celebrate everyone's life choices in hopes that they'll do the same for us.

Amen, misstalia. I try (but don't always succeed) to live by the philosophy of if you don't judge my choices, I won't judge yours. Yes, some of my friends and family can go overboard with kid thing and I don't always want to hear about the minutia of the kids lives. But then again, I'm sure my stories occasionally (often) annoy them too. Being child free doesn't mean we aren't boring too. Sometimes I want to scream at my child free friends who go overboard with their pets. At least kids grow into beings I want to be around, but pets are not something I will ever enjoy. But to each their own. We're all free to spend our money on our own choices. Of course, I still want to smack the strangers who insist I should be having kids, but that has tapered off now that I'm nearly 41.

I understand and agree. My husband is often very negative about other people having kids and has insulted a number of his friends online. I try to tell him that it's their choice and just because he doesn't like kids doesn't mean that everybody does and that it's really none of his business. On the other hand, I don't feel like I especially need to get excited when somebody comes up pregnant and it seems like they almost expect to get fawned over and are disappointed or angry when I don't. Ultimately, I try preach live and let live. If they want to pop out a kid a year for the rest of their lives it's no business of mine. (Just don't ask me to babysit!) Likewise, it's no business of theirs if I choose not to.

I must admit I find most people on this site supportive of others choice to have kids.
I have friends who couldn't have them, and I sometimes get irritated at their attitude towards noisy children, not when they're misbehaving, but almost anger at the fact they exist, and sometimes make mothers feel bad at comments or 'looks' regarding a childs noise or tantrum.
they are young. they're learning how to behave in public (and we've all seen some adults unable to master that ;( so I am more forgiving when it comes to kids.
The fact I don't want to surround myself with it, - as the other comments suggest - is the reason why I too am not spending my time teaching a child how to behave in public, buying educational toys, and constantly disciplining bad behaviour.

I find those who secretly ( or not ) wanted kids but couldn't, find reasons to make their childless life ( as for them that's what they feel ) better, as in ' what fate has given me in life, is the best, and those with kids have a horrible life, I hate them, and don't want them anywhere near me.'
People like that believe it will relieve the pain of not having what they desperately crave. ( and as we all know it just makes you feel worse )

Just as some ugly girls are mean to pretty ones, or single women 'put down' marrieds and vice versa if they secretly desire to be different.

having said that jealousy exists - I certainly have it at times, and all those other negative 'qualities' us humans are born with.....
BUT I like this site for the fact that people here don't seem to be child haters, just happy with another lifestyle, and have a safe place to talk about that choice without making parents feel bad or left out, or suffer the disdain from others who can't accept we don't want kids, or just 'haven't found the right man yet ' :-D.

yes, I feel the same. As far as the noisy children thing, i have low tolerance for that. I understand they're still learning about behavior in public; i understand that completely. However, my family and i were having a beautiful Christmas eve dinner when a child at the next table, maybe five or six, began to have a bratty tantrum. i get it, he's just a kid, but I was very irritated that neither of his parents had the courtesy to remove him until he calmed down.




Don't we all?




Ladyshoes, You seem to feel the same as I. I too, am happy for people if that's what they want, but have little tolerance for the "I'm expecting and need very special attention, and to be doted on." type of attitude.I always ask, "how are you feeling?" in hopes they're doing ok, however, don't expect special treatment! My mom acted that way with a friend of mine who was visiting when I still lived with my parents. My friend was leaving and my mother said, " Talia, carry her bag for her." I said, "Mom, she's pregnant, not terminally ill or injured, thank god; so let's not infantilize her. A bit of weight-bearing exercise is good for her." GEEZ!

I do try to be sincerely happy for people who make their choices in life because it is what they want out of life. I respect everyone's right to choose, yet, why can't I get the same respect?

I believe you get what you give, and I've always tried to be as respectful as I can with my cousins child. I make a point to ask him about his son when ever we talk just to be polite. I don't hold the baby because I've no desire too. Yet, when I try to set aside my own beliefs to support my cousin, but I don't receive the same support, I question it.

I get the "You'd make a great mother" speech just about every time I dart my aunt's house. Have a friend who occasionally decides to comment on anything "child-free" related with snide remarks about how I'm missing out on life. It leaves me to wonder, why should we respect their choices, when they don't respect ours?

Why should we give, what we don't get back in return? I'm not asking for much, I just want the same respect someone in my family with a child gets. I'm not asking for them to accept it, just respect it without giving me the whole spill over and over again. That wouldn't be so bad. Yet I still give my cousin what I wish I could get in hopes one day someone'll figure it out.

Jennifer B, you need to nip this in the bud. Respond to your aunt honestly without getting into it! The next time she pulls out the "you'd make a great mother" card," Aunt (whatever her name is), you've shared that opinion with me many times, so I already know how you feel regarding that topic. I'd rather our visits be about us!" If she goes on with it, try to change the subject if that doesn't work, kindly excuse yourself.

You're right you deserve the respect. As far as your friend, why the snide remarks? I truly believe parents who make those remarks are either envious of our freedoms or plain angry that they didn't consider it a choice.

I'm glad others out there want to procreate. The human race would be extinct if someone didin't. So I am happy for them when they have kids. But I'm not oooy goooy with babies of friends & family. And I'll try to change the subject if they go on for to long about their kids. I could talk about my pets forever to people, but I don't. It doesn't bother me if other people want kids. I like my CF life.

I still find it frustrating in a totally selfish way when yet another friend has a baby. It feels like another friend lost, in a way.