BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Depression Feeling Abandoned?

Have you ever felt so lost and alone -- like you have been abandoned? Do you ever feel like just walking away from it all and curl up inside a dark cave somewhere?

Actually the only time I feel that way myself is if I've had a run-in with someone or tried really hard to accomplish something and gotten nowhere.

But I have a friend who has more and more been down in the dumps. She does see a counselor and gets professional help, but it's hard to not be slightly affected by her lack of enthusiasm myself. I don't quite GET that mentality of not wanting to do anything and not having goals/dreams/ambitions.

Me either. Even when I felt massive depression while I was pregnant (mainly because my exhusband refused to be steadily employed and spent all our money and his time on golf, video games, and fantasy football) I had the courage to tell my doctor about it and she referred me to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist who helped me big time.

Five years later I finally walked away from this loser and have never felt that down again. I've had episodes of feeling a bit lost but I never let them last long. I'm too strong for the poor me routine. It's pointless to feel that way for long.

For me it is not a mentality of not wanting to do anything and not having goals/dreams/ambitions...I have suffered from depression for years. I see a therapist and take antidepressants. Some times none of it seems to help. Its like telling someone to "snap out of it". If I could I would. I don't like to feel so helpless or painful.

Clinical depression is much more difficult than situational depression. Clinical depression is a biological disorder and not just someone feeling sorry for themselves.

Many people with clinical depression do suffer for years from it and medications/therapy is very beneficial in most cases. It may take time to find the right meds, but when the therapist and patient do find the right treatments, it really helps.

Conniem, you are not alone -- many of us have this clinical depression and it helps to talk about it with others who understand.

Clinical depression is not just an attitude of "that mentality of not wanting to do anything and not having goals/dreams/ambitions" or a "poor me" thing. It may seem "pointless to feel that way for long" to some who do not fully understand what a person suffering from this biological disorder goes through. It is a psychological disorder and takes a lot of courage and strength to cope with it.

People with clinical depression can and do have goals, dreams, and ambitions and strive to reach these, but it is harder for us to do so -- and when we do reach those goals, it is a much greater accomplishment than for someone who can achieve "greatness" on a daily basis and see it as a normal part of life. If we could "just shake it off" we would.

Nobody chooses to suffer from clinical depression.

If you have clinical depression please do not feel abandoned. There are others here who can help and understand.

Yes it does help to talk with others. It took years before my husband finally would see that I had a real problem. He is very understanding now and sometimes will ask me if I am taking my medicine. Usually I am having problems when he asks me that! But I do appreciate him asking if I am taking my medicine. I am so glad there is medicine now. I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like if I were born before mediations!

I am so glad your husband understands and is helpful. The best thing for us is compassion and support (along with our medications).

Compassion and understanding from family and friends is so helpful for those who suffer from depression.

Wow! Phyllis, I couldn't have said it better myself! You're exactly right! My mom always said I was lazy, but it was never a matter of being lazy. I was/am so depressed sometimes that it's extremely difficult to motivate myself to do anything, and even when I want to do things, my energy level is so low, I can barely drag myself out of bed!

As you said, Phyllis, anyone who thinks you can just will yourself to not be depressed or "cure" your depression with a bottle of wine, doesn't know what it's like to be clinically depressed. Major depression can be debilitating, and it is a serious illness.

I feel really bad that I haven't been here for you, Phyllis (& the rest of you, too!). I've been battling my own issues, and trying to distract myself from anything related to depression, but that's no excuse. Please know that I'm sorry and that I will try to do better!

There is no need to apologize, Kitten. I know the issues you are facing, and with that bad weather and the computer problems it must be a frustrating time for you.

We are here for each other. Have you seen that video of the Animal Voiceovers? I posted it in the Native American forum. I will find the link and post it here for you. Laughter can be a wonderful way to lift the spirits.

I will be back soon with the link.

Here it is: Animal Voiceovers

LOL Thanks for the smiles

I wonder if that prairie dog ever found Ellen?

Phyllis, the animal voiceovers were awesome! I sooo needed those laughs! Thanks so much for posting that for us!

You are so welcome, Kitten. It is fun to share laughs and just let it out sometimes.

Hello Kitten,
Although I've never suffered from clinical depression, my sweetie still struggles with it. Yes there's medication and counseling, but sometimes it just strikes. I've seen the physical and emotional torment of deep sorrow with no definable cause. I will say however, that Phyllis definitely has the right idea. Do your best to stay strong, get some laughter in your life and don't hesitate to reach out to others. This forum has many friends' shoulders to lean or cry on when you need it. You can always message me if you need to or just feel like saying hi.

I completely agree, Phyllis!

Situational depression IS different than clinical and both can, in my opinion feel quite similar.

I had a friend whom I was very close with and she was in the health field. She said, "Of all people, I should know enough about depression NOT to be depressed. I guess I don't. I'm going on meds."

Now this was wierd. I don't know what I was doing, something in the kitchen, but I said, "Well, do you know what you're depressed about?"

She said, "Well, Ya."

I said, "So it has a name to it?"

She said, "Yes, I Know exactly what it is."

I said, "If you know exactly what it is, what makes you think that the message is really in a bottle they're going to give you?"

She said, "I don't. I just know I'm not supposed to be sad..."

Then I said, "Why not? Does the situation make you sad? Not the sky, the moon, the stars, but the situation itself?"

She just looked at me and started to cry and said, she didn't know what to do.

I'm like, "Many of us don't. I don't think that ever goes away. You kind of take it on a day by day basis. Maybe you just need to mourn?"

I wrote an article about that. Depression and Childhood Abuse But when you are deeply depressed and you don't know the cause, you need to look at your past. It could be because of unresolved/unforgiven issues that you've forced yourself to stop thinking about, but their effects are still there because you didn't know how to cope with them.

Also, when women get in their 30s and 40s, if they were sexually abused as children, they sometimes begin to have flashes of memories come forth. Sometimes the depression is there before the memories surface.

I'm not saying that's your problem. Just saying that sometimes it takes a therapist to help you find the root of what is causing your depression, and then some people do benefit from medications--good luck with that.

If you are feeling abandoned then try to move around with your comfortable group ,discuss your issues and you can also do yoga

Yes I have felt that way in the past. I had suffered a double depression for over two years without knowing anything about depression, nor did I have people around me who understood it at that time. But I've learned so much going through it with a greater understanding of myself, the clinical condition, and about others and their own reactions to it.

Clinical Depression is something people have, not who they are. Clinical Depression is not indicative of someone's character, ability, talent, personality etc. That is so important to separate. Sometimes clinical depression is not even indicative of life events or personal circumstances.

8 years later I am doing very well and my life has turned around. I thank God for accepting people in my life and for the medicines available to those who are suffering right now from clinical depression. I have not needed any meds for a long time but if I do, I will not hesitate to use them again.

You're right, Sunshine--depression is a condition, and not a definition of who we are.

So glad that you're doing so well! Wishing you continued success...

I've lost my mother, lost my best friend and other significant people in my life. My children are all adults and on their own. My husband of 37 years is doing his thing. I retired a year ago. I thrived on feeling needed and now I feel lost and abandoned and the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. I am refusing to take anti-depressants. Took one for three days and hated the way I felt. I'm looking for natural ways to deal with these feelings. Right now I am trying Rhodiola and hoping it works.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down...sometimes it is so hard to feel better. Have you thought about starting a new hobby? Having something to look forward to every day helps me a lot. Connie

I've had clinical depression since I was 16.

I have had that feeling sometimes of just wanting to throw in the towel. For those of us who suffer with depression with any type of regularity, feelings like this can sometimes come up out of nowhere. Or we get caught up with feelings about situations so much that it consumes us.

I have battled depression since I was very young, seeking out my own counseling when I was a teenager. Through my life I have had other periods of counseling. As a kid I lived with a father who had paranoid schizophrenia and he had other mentally ill siblings as well. Mental illness can be genetic. My sister, brother, and I all have battled depression at one time or another. My sister even had anxiety/panic attacks. She tried medications in the past and suffered bad side effects. I don't want to take meds unless it gets down to the point of where I can't function.

Depression is very tiring and you can feel a lack of ambition, even for things you used to enjoy doing. It does not mean that someone who suffers with this condition does not have dreams or goals. We would love to be able to take things light and get things done. I am surprised at some of the lack of sensitivity here with a few people who feel that they have all of their ducks in a row, and could never imagine having feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that such a sometimes debilitating illness can bring.

I say good for you. People who suffer from depression only wish to be like you with your energy and perseverance for life. If you have been fortunate enough not to suffer from depression it is common that you would not "get it", but at least have a little sensitivity for those people who have no choice in the matter. Counseling and medication can only help so much. Sometimes great success is reached with these methods, sometimes not. In any event, depression is not a choice. None of us would choose this.

Personally I am always fighting it and trying to rise above it. It is not easy to live with depression (and it certainly is not easy for the ones we live with) and some days are very bad where I can't see a positive light in sight. All I can do is take life one day at a time, and if I have a few non-productive days here and there I just try a little more the next day to stay positive and move ahead.

We need a like button

That way I could like your post

conniem....can you clarify? I don't understand what you mean.

On Facebook if you like something someone writes there is a button to click and it shows everyone that you like what that person said....I just really could identify with what you said...

Got it. I am not on facebook so I didn't understand the button concept. Thanks conniem.

No problem!

Is there anyone in modern society who is not depressed?

I am sure there are a small number of people who are not depressed at one time or another, but you make a good point, Jim.

I think the hustle and bustle of daily life, materialism, and the hunger for power all come into play to make life for a lot of people something that is not all that enjoyable. Getting back to a simple lifestyle with a deeper connection to nature would bring back peace and harmony.

Connie, I also wish we had a "Like" button! I look for one on every site I go on!

Cassie, I agree with you. People who do not suffer from depression just can't "get it." My mom has always said, "Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and keep on going!" Well first, I don't know what bootstraps are, but even if I had them, I'm quite certain that tugging on them wouldn't fix what has been ailing me for over 30 years! Insensitivity is the last thing a depressed person needs. We have to just tune those people out and consider the fact that they don't understand what they are talking about.

Hi Kitten,

"Snap out of it" is what my brothers would say.

I would if I could.

-- Burt B.

I really have no more patience for those kind of remarks - to snap out of it and chin up, and pull myself up by my bootstraps.

I am also pretty sick of hearing, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

At this point I just tell people it's a medical condition, which it is, and you would not expect a person with a broken leg to use the stairs.

I am doing everything I can to help decrease the stigma of mental illness by being very open about it all. It's nothing shameful.

I just have to work on not being so greatly annoyed when people who don't understand make that kind of ignorant remark.

Ditto Here...

It's a good life if you don't weaken !!

They can all bite me !

You all are so right-on. I call people that cast such judgements, "simps". Without ever having known the foggiest idea of our dilemma they speak with such superfluous ignorant verbal diarrhea. In my life I have been through utter puss bucket HELL. All that to say this; I did come out of it. It took patience and a whole lot of time and hurt but I had to eventually come away from the fear of healing. We don't need sympathy. We need some strong friends that have been through it and survived. Peace to you guys. dave

ive been depressed for a long time at first it was hidden and people told me i had sadness in my eyes but never noticed,until through my life events brought what depressed me.depression is like ebnergy instead of becoming that is blocked and turns against oneself.i still very depressed but i know that i have to give in to it so i know what it is and on what it is based and grow out of it,so i let myself go til the energy dies and til i find the truth.

I love the way that you think gemineye!! You have the ability to identify how this thing really is down deep within your being. Then you can also visualize how to come out of it although it may be the hardest thing that anyone can ever do. It can be done however. dave

It sure can be done, Dave.

I know because I have had depression off and on in the course of my life. It seems that certain events will trigger it. There were times that counseling helped for me, and I took the initiative to get help. If you have the right counselor it can make all the difference. I have had a few counselors in my lifetime, but they are not all the same. The real good ones are rare and really stand out. My last counselor is one of those people.

However, there were times where I got myself out of my depression all on my own, and that is what I am doing now. It is a process, and it can be very painful to emerge yourself in it to face the pain, but it can be done and you can come out of it if you have the mind focus.

Peace to you, Dave and Gemineye.

WE MADE IT!!!! WE ALL CAN!!!!

yes dave,however...as you say it can be done!that s the main thing,no excuses!!!!
who can really abondon you but yourself,and then cause a depression...
you can t ask frompeople not to abandon you cause it is an illusion...

yep. yep.

soon the rest of the world will find what we found !

God Morning Beloved Brothers and Sisters !!!

It's a new day !!!

Greetings, dear Burt.

Hi, Burt!

I feel ya. I would if I could, too.

I'm going through some really difficult things right now, and I normally sink into at least a mild depression (or worsening of my depression) this time of year, anyway.

Sometimes I wish EVERYONE could experience major/clinical depression FOR ONE DAY, so they could understand what it feels like, and how difficult it is to live with. Experiencing it is the only way to understand it, but some will never know. We just have to avoid those insensitive people, if possible. If we can't avoid them, we have to remember that they absolutely have no clue.

So, Dave..."puss bucket HELL," huh? LOL! I've never heard that before. Not sure what that is, but it sounds pretty bad! So glad you were able to get through your hell! Peace right back at 'cha!

Connie my fianc�e has Cyclothymic disorder and I have full-blown Bi-Polar Manic.

Through a great deal of suffering and a whole-hearted throwing ourselves upon The Rock of Christ -- The Living Jesus Christ, not some dead guy on a cross -- God arranged for Connie and I to be in Florida because SAD is real serious for us. e.g. Connie endured a 25-year loveless marriage, and I ended up in mental hospitals every time I broke up with a girl !!!

We would be dead or a ward of the state if God did not intervene.

Ask and you shall receive.

The negative forces rampant upon this planet get you soooo lowww that you feel not worthy to ask because they know the eternal cosmic laws of free-will love, wisdom and power a whole hell of a lot better than we do.

Once you pray, know, read, study and Intuit that we live in a cosmos of Light.

And that We Are Royal Children of The GOD of LOVE Father and Mother...

And, the universe was created for us as our playpen to learn our lessons...

Then to hell with the negative forces because they will be dealt with in God's Time not ours !!!!

Sincerely,

Burt B.

Yeah... puss bucket HELL pretty well describes it !!!!

What a hell of a quote !!!

Pretty !! !!!

I'm glad it's behind us.

The universe is just, and the reason we got such vicious hell in this life is because God wants us to balance our accounts quickly... ouch.

It has taken me most of my life to get to a point where I can stand up and know how to work with the clinical depression issue I have. It is friends like all of you who made me realize that we can overcome much and all if we just reach out and share with others, support each other, and find that place within ourselves that tells us we will be ok and all is well.

As Burt said a few posts back. "Good morning, Dear brothers and sisters! It is a new day!"

Yea LORD Yea !!!

The energy of this planet is heavy...

O God, Give Us The Strength To Serve You in Everyone we meet !!!

Well...good morning, Brother Burt.

It is a beautiful day!!!

[quote=Jilly]I really have no more patience for those kind of remarks - to snap out of it and chin up, and pull myself up by my bootstraps. I am also pretty sick of hearing, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." At this point I just tell people it's a medical condition, which it is, and you would not expect a person with a broken leg to use the stairs. I am doing everything I can to help decrease the stigma of mental illness by being very open about it all. It's nothing shameful. I just have to work on not being so greatly annoyed when people who don't understand make that kind of ignorant remark. [/quote] ------------------------------------- Oh Jilly, I so understand this. One thing that really gives me the pip is hearing people who have never (yet) known great pain, telling those who do, that they only need to 'think positive' and all their troubles will disappear. Likewise, the negative ones who just look at you like you're ready to buy your coffin, and tell you to 'get used to it' because 'at your age, you have to expect it'! By crikey that gets me going! A medical specialist once told me, after I'd had a small stroke, that I suffered with two terminal diseases - Vertebrobasilar Insufficiency and Old Age! I nearly picked up my stick and whacked him with it! I'm afraid I have little patience with people who make those comments to someone who is genuinely ill. Melwyn.

I once had a counselor who was supposed to be helping me with clinical depression to "just get over it!"

I was not only shocked but when I regained my sense of balance I told her how destructive that statement could be to anyone looking for help with depression.

I never went back to her again.

Right! A counselor who obviously should not be one! Anyone with proper training should know that clinical depression is not 'just feeling blue'! Melwyn.

Old Age is part of the ' human ' condition.

If we take our attention off of the human and put it on the divine within then we have access to eternal youth.

The body is a pair of clothes.

It is not us.

When you change clothes you don't get upset do you ?

God Lives Forever, and he is on top of the train of life.

He sees where you have been, and where you are going.

You sitting inside the train just see the trees flash by.

One embodiment to God is a very, very, very small slice of time.

Widen your horizons and understand that the world and each individual in it will be perfected.

It is the will of God.

They don't know and they don't understand.

Just like most of the religious preacher people in the pulpits of the world.

They think they have first hand knowledge but they don't.

Only a handful of people Throughout THE CENTURIES have had any true first hand experience with and in God.

Most of them have started completely new faiths.

Do you suffer from depression ?

A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He

says, "It seems I can't make any

friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"


Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.


A psychotic thinks that two and two are

five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four --

but he hates it.


Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please

press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask

someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities,

please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know

who you are and what you want. Just stay

on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen

carefully and a little voice will tell

you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter

which number you press. No one will

answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally

hallucinate, please be aware that the

thing you are holding on the side of

your head is alive and about to bite off

your ear.


A man goes to a Psychologist and says,

"Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop

thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see

what we can find out", and pulls out his

ink blots. "What is this a picture of?"

he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down

then turns it around and states, "That's

a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very

interesting," and shows the next

picture. "And what is this a picture

of?"
The man looks and turns it in different

directions and says, "That's a man and a

woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the

third ink blot, and asks the same

question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all

directions and replies, "That's a man

and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you

do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the

one who keeps showing me the dirty

pictures!"



A psychiatrist was conducting a group

therapy session with four young mothers

and their small children. "You all have

obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother he said, "You are

obsessed with eating. You even named

your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your

obsession is money. Again, it manifests

itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your

obsession is alcohol and your child's

name is Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up,

took her little boy by the hand and

whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go

home."







A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees

a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his

courage, he finally goes over to her and

asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind

if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of

her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you

tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now

staring at them. Naturally, the guy is

hopelessly and completely embarrassed

and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks

over to him and apologizes. She smiles

at him and says, "I'm sorry if I

embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate

student in psychology, and I'm studying

how people respond to embarrassing

situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his

lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"



What happens when a psychiatrist and a

hooker spend the night together? In the

morning each of them says: "120 dollars,

please."


A young woman took her troubles to a

psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help

me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that

every time I date a nice guy, I end up

in bed with him. And then afterward, I

feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And

you, no doubt, want me to strengthen

your will power and resolve in this

matter."

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the

woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't

feel guilty and depressed afterward."



A psychologist is at a party talking

with a small group of people, when a man

comes up behind him and taps him on the

shoulder. The psychologist turns around

and the man hauls off and decks him. The

psychologist gets up, brushes himself

off, turns to the group and declares:

"That's his problem."


Two elderly couples were enjoying

friendly conversation when one of the

men asked the other, "Fred, how was the

memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They

taught us all the latest psychological

techiniques - visualization, association

- it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the

clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought,

but couldn't remember. Then a smile

broke across his face and he asked,

"What do you call that red flower with

the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife.

. ."Rose, what was the name of that

clinic?"





What is the difference between a

psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my

mother," he will ask "Why do you say

that?" while a psychologist will say

"Thank you for sharing that with us."


What's the difference between a

psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!




Once I had multiple personalities, but

now we are feeling well.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy

every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not

sure.

The best thing about being

schizophrenic is that I'm never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't

mean people aren't out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I

don't have.

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a

little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one

with a glass of water.



Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say

we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's

a madhouse.'"


Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for

a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to

childhood, a man is already there.


A psychologist returned from a confrence

in Aspen lodge, where all the

psychologists were permited to ski for

free. Her husband asked her, "How it

went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've

never seen so many Freudians slips."


Two psychologists meet at their

twentieth college reunion. One of them

looks like he just graduated, while the

other psychologist looks old, worried

and withered.
The older looking one asks the other,

"What's your secret? Listening to other

people's problems every day, all day

long, for years on end, has made an old

man of me."
The younger looking one replies, "Who

listens?"






Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm

crazy because I like sausages.
Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages

too.
Patient: Good, you should come and see

my collection. I've got hundreds of

them.


When the new patient was settled

comfortably on the couch, the

physiatrist began his therapy session,

"I'm not aware of your problem," the

doctor said. "So perhaps, you should

start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In

the beginning, I created the Heavens and

the Earth..."



In a psychiatrist's waiting room two

patients are having a conversation. One

says to the other, "Why are you here?"
The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so

the doctor told me to come here."
The first is curious and asks, "How do

you know that you're Napoleon?"
The second responds, "God told me I

was."
At this point, a patient on the other

side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"


A man who thinks he's George Washington

has been seeing a psychiatrist. He

finishes up one session by telling him,

"Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and

surprise them when they least expect

it." As soon as he's gone, the

psychiatrist picks up the phone and

says, "King George, this is Benedict

Arnold. I have the plans."


Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for

four years for treatment of the fear

that he had monsters under his bed. It

had been years since he had gotten a

good night's sleep. Furthermore, his

progress was very poor, and he knew it.

So, one day he stops seeing the

psychoanalyst and decides to try

something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former

psychoanalyst meets his old client in

the supermarket, and is surprised to

find him looking well-rested, energetic,

and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's

amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst

says. "you seem to be doing much better.

How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says

enthusiastically, "and he cured me in

just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks

incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is

a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks.

"How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut

the legs off of my bed."



A psychologist was walking along a

Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle

poking up through the sand. Opening it,

he was astonished to see a cloud of

smoke and a genie smiling at him.
"For your kindness," the genie said, "I

will grant you one wish!" The

psychologist paused, laughed, and

replied, "I have always wanted a road

from Hawaii to California."

The genie grimaced, thought for a few

minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry,

but I can't do that! Think of all the

pilings needed to hold up the highway

and how long they'd have to be to reach

the bottom of the ocean. Think of all

the pavement. That's too much to ask."

"OK," the psychologist said, not wanting

to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist.

Make me understand my patients. What

makes them laugh and cry, why are they

temperamental, why are they so difficult

to get along with, what do they really

want? Basically, teach me to understand

what makes them tick!"

The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did

you want two lanes or four?"



One behaviorist to another after

lovemaking:
"Darling, that was wonderful for you.

How was it for me?"








How do you tell the difference between

the staff and the inmates at a

psychiatric hospital?
The patients get better and leave.
Not everyone of the patients thinks he

is God.
The staff have the keys!



Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a

set of curtains!
Pull yourself together, man!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

bell.
Well, just go home and if the feeling

persists, give me a ring.

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a

wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm

invisible.
Who said that?!

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
What do you mean by that?

Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
Next!

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I

say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL

problem?

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of

cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me

I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.

Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing

things.
Take these pills for a week; if that

doesn't work I'll have a color TV!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.

Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer

up. Calm...

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get

into fights.
And how long have you had this

complaint?
Who wants to know?

Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one

minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm

blank!
And how long have you had this

complaint?
What complaint?

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!
No problem. Hop up on the couch.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small

bucket.
You do look a little pail.

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds

to live.
Wait a minute please.

Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
Don't answer!



Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm

under such a lot of stress, I keep

losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU

STUPID BASTARD!!!


Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.


Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten!


Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine

you.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the

furniture.



How psychiatrists do it...
Psychiatrists do it on the couch.
Psychiatrists think they do it.
Psychiatrists do it for at least fifty

dollars per session.




How many psychologists does it take to

change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself

when it's ready.
Just one, but the light bulb really has

to want to change.
Just one, but it takes nine visits.
How many psychiatrists does it take to

change a light bulb?
"How long have you been having this

phantasy?"
"Why does the light bulb necessarily

have to change?"
One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to

change a light bulb?
"How many do you think it takes?"



After 12 years of therapy, my

psychoanalyst said something that

brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No

hablo Ingles."Ronnie Shakes (via

Frederic Patterson)

A man walks into his psychiatrist's

office and claims he suffers from CDO.
His doctor looks puzzled and asks what

he means.
It's like OCD but everything has to be

in alphabetical order!

Emma Carter

There a naked guy, and he wraps himself

in Saran wrap and goes to see a

psychologist. He walks in, and the

doctor says "Well, I can clearly see

you're nuts!"

Jose Jalapeno

Two psychologists pass each other in the

hallway. One says to the other, "Hello!"

After they pass, the second says to

himself, "I wonder what he *meant* by

that?"Jon James

I told my psychiatrist that I was

talking to myself. I was surprised when

he replied,
"That's o.k.. Just hold a mobile phone

by your mouth."

Robert D Dangoor

The head psychiatrist decides it's time

to see whether some patients are ready

to leave the "hospital" so he takes one

to a room where there is a large, empty

swimming pool, and a diving board

overhanging it.

He takes the patient to the edge of the

board and says: "Jump!" The patient

jumps and breaks both his legs and is

carried away.

The next patient is taken up and after

the same injunction, jumps and breaks

both her arms and is carried away.

The last patient is taken up and told to

jump and he refuses.

The head psychiatrist says,

"Congratulations! You have passed the

test, and are free to leave, but tell me

out of curiosity why you refused to

jump." The patient replies, "I can't

swim."

These were funny, Burt!

I have never been to psychiatrists or psychologists for my depression, but I have talked with a few licensed counselors during the course of my life. They were all supportive, with some being better than others. My last counselor was the best. He understood me and my situation perfectly and was never judgemental. I really miss the sessions with him, but I had to relocate, and his office is a bit far for me now to get to.

It is unfortunate when people say crass things about a situation they know nothing about, but even worse when words like this come from a professional who is supposed to be helping you manage your situation. These people should not be counseling anyone. I am fortunate that I have never run into this sort of thing.

ROFL (Rolling on the floor laughing!) Melwyn.

Cassie, I hope you never do. One of the first things they are supposed to learn in their studies to be a counsellor, is to always listen with an open mind and never judge or put the client down. I guess some just forget, or think they are above this rule once they are in practice. I have met some, but I think they are very much in the minority. One certainly hopes so. Melwyn.

Phyllis, I am sorry you had to hear that from a counselor. These people are supposed to be trained to know better.