BellaOnline Forums Relationships Gay/Lesbian Relationships advice or perspective on a strange situation

Over controlling doesn't begin to describe it. When a gift is given, it should be given so that the receiver gets pleasure from the gift. Any pleasure that the giver gets should be incidental.

Silent treatment?? PLEASE!!!! You are both grown women, and giving the silent treatment on somebody's birthday is hurtful.

I don't know if this is insight, but I would be really irritated about her behavior.

Hi there,
I think her response is immature and childish and one of a personal value being projected. It seems obvious that she has this neat idea in her head that gifts are only opened on the right day or at the right time or for the right reasons etc. which is what she was 'taught' by a parent figure. We all have these kinds of quirks about all kinds of things.

My few cents worth though is that you should laugh it all off and thereby not escalate the 'potentially' BIG quarrel. Let it be. Send an email of explanation that you did try to get hold of her etc and thank her for the gifts again and express your appreciation for them again and all ... then carry on as if you can't wait for her birthday to come around to give her the same pleasure. Tell her that too.

It is easier said than done of course, but don't get sucked into wrong action or you may damage your friendship beyond repair. Every transaction between two people at any time changes that relationship forever, so make this one work for you both and not against either of you. I see that this ball is in your hands and you can play it well or not so well. It is your choice at this stage.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you for your day. I love birthdays! They mark a second personal new year when you can start all sorts of things all over again. Mine is coming up and already I am making plans. Plans mind you, actions? Ah well then, that we'll see!

Cheers now

I agree with the other posters, her response is controlling and childish. If that happened with me and my lover, my lover would have laughed and called me silly or something. Maybe she was disappointed, but that does not give her the right to treat you so rudely and emotionally 'punish' you for it.

I personally would not just blow it off. Things like this is a red flag and the action needs to be called into question and discussed.

And...Happy Birthday!

It is not your fault, she is being rediculous. I have a girlfreind pretty close to that... She can do no wrong, I want to make greeting cards to have money to pay my bills and be able to go on trips. etc together and she plans her stuff like cleaning the house or going to garage sales... Basically blowing the entire day so I don't have time to work on my cards, then she complains that we don't have money to do anything.... Hello , we could have money. Today she really upset me because I have 2 bills coming up and she wants to go the race, split the driving/ gas money, I don't even have it for the bills. She is trying to blame me for things, so I understand what your going through, but I see my girlfreind 24/7 and I don't ever get out by myself, which makes it difficult too. Don't beat yourself up over it, it is not worth getting upset and don't feel bad and if you need to talk I am here for you.