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Joined: Mar 2011
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17rocks Offline OP
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I have been going to counseling for months now with my partner, but the last few weeks have been horrible. Last week was the worst. Everytime I tell how I feel about my partner being interested in the neighbor lady, my partner says things and the counselor believes her over me everytime and basically starts talking to my partner the entire session. They both make me feel like I am the wrong and horrible one. The counselor, she thinks it is okay for my partner to kiss and drool over another woman and I am the faithful one and I am in the wrong....I cannot believe this. I told this lady that when my partner and I took the neighbor lady to her son's football outing, my partner dressed up, put on makeup and curled her hair to take her down the street and they made sure I sat in the back seat and my partner is flirting with her, touching her leg several times and acted like I was not even there. I asked the counselor what she thought of it and she said"I don't know?". My partner said that is just the way she socialized and the entire subject dropped off like it was nothing. I am sorry this is so long I really do not have anyone to talk to about it and this counseling is a joke to me because it is one sided. I hope I can have Someone to talk to on here, thanks.

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I'm not sure why but I have heard so often that counselors, for some reason, do take sides. It is entirely unprofessional and counterproductive. A good counselor is not there to referee or judge who is right and who is wrong. She/he is there to help aid mutual understanding and communication.

Your feelings--whether they share them or not--are valid. They should be accepting your feelings, not ignoring them.

You have been with your partner for a while now. Is this the way she "socializes" with everyone?

Frankly, there is something I call "lover's intuition" and that is not necessarily rooted in paranoia or jealousy. It's just an intuitive knowing whether or not someone is attempting to invade your territory and threaten your relationship. It's a very primal defense mechanism, I believe.

Alarms go up when you see your lover begin to preen too much for someone else, flirt and give attention to another. The touch thing is another alarm.

But here's what you have to ask yourself: How much do I value this relationship? Have I been overly suspicious in the past? Possessive? Anything that might drive my lover away? Has our relationship been satisfying other than this neighbor lady's involvement?

Then, ask yourself questions about your lover: Has she behaved this way in the past with others? Does she really want to stay with me? How would she like it if you behaved in the same manner with another woman?

I would address her directly and ask: "Do you want to stay in this relationship? And if so, you have to know that I cannot accept the flirting and kissing other people."

Are there other problems in the relationship aside from this neighbor lady?

Joined: Apr 2011
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Find another counselor and find one now. If your partner insists on staying with the first counselor, you know what that means. Start getting your ducks in a row and get yourself out of this manipulative and devastating relationship. You deserve better.

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Sounds like you need validation from both, your partner and the counselor. What else are you needing/wanting in your relationship? (for internal thought rather than response). Write it down as honestly as you can. Mull it over awhile. It is not selfish, rather it is self affirming. Go from there.

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OH MY GOD GIRL THAT SOME SERIOUS MAD HORRIBLE BULLSHIT!! ID BE [censored] AS [censored] IF I WERE YOU [censored].DUMP HER [censored] SHES [censored] UP MAN! I AM SO UPSET AND YOUR CONSULAR SUCKS!

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17rocks Offline OP
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Sorry it has been awhile since I have been on here. Went to counseling last week and now the counselor is saying I have Paranoid personality disorder and my partner does nothing wrong? I am so done with all of that... Thisxweek the counselor put me down(not the first time) so I am writing her a bad report.

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I had the same thing happen to me, my partner became interested in the straight married neighbor. We are not crazy, I am a lesbian but I know that lesbians are the worse at flirting cheating and being jerks. The straight neighbor in my case has a husband that is always out of town, straight women can get gay curious and they love to play games and try and break up gay women, it has happened a lot. I'd advise you to be nice and sweet and plan your escape. Plan to get the heck outta there! You don't deserve games. Sorry hon, be strong and dump her. She will get a shock and see what she's lost. Move on, and find a real relationship. You are not paranoid, you are just abused!

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Not all counselors are worth going to. I've been through some heavy stuff in my life and in the hard times went to see different counselors at different times to help cope. One or two them were not worth it. You have a choice to choose one that will help you deal with what you need to deal with and grow while affirming and validating your needs, wants emotions etc., not one who labels, especially in such a short time. That is a reg flag. You simply are not getting this from her. Sure, you want someone to be honest and communicating back to you actions or behaviors you may not see in yourself. My problem with this is, how you feel after you go. You do not feel like she is really listening or addressing your concerns. That is not good at all nor conducive to being honest and feeling accepted in therapy. It becomes a waste of time and effort.

The labeling is also a concern and unnecessary. Hang in there.


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