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Re: NEED HELP!!!! [Re: Ohsostressed] #670437
03/15/11 06:04 PM
03/15/11 06:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,691
Orange, CA USA
L
Lori - Marriage Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lori - Marriage  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Koala
L
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,691
Orange, CA USA
Ah. I see. You're not into replacing the BM. Got that. And the kids are going back to her full-time anyway.

So here's my final words of advice to ensure the solidarity of your marriage:

Remember not to make him see YOU on a different side from HIS KIDS. His kids are a part of him. If you really are the love of his life, you will love all parts of him and that includes his kids. Otherwise, you're rejecting a big part of him. And he will feel that even if subconsciously.

You may not want to replace BM, but you need to love them like a stepmom. There are a lot of wonderful stepmoms whom the kids end up loving and respecting even more than their BMs.

Your husband will love you even more when you can love his kids as much as you love your own. If you plan on having kids with him, be very very sure not to show that you play favorites.

You're young and it might take some time for you to understand that this is humanly possible. Don't take that offensively, but I've learned that when we're young, we somehow feel that we can only love so much or that our love is territorial. We pick and choose who we will love more, etc.

At my age, I've learned that you can never lose by being loving. You are capable of generating endless love. For everyone.

The more love you give, the more you receive. From everyone.

Good luck, darling. smile



Lori Phillips
Marriage editor

BellaOnline.com Marriage
Twitter: @BellaMarriage

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and @flutterby03
Re: NEED HELP!!!! [Re: Ohsostressed] #671712
03/21/11 06:12 AM
03/21/11 06:12 AM
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
S
shaunmills Offline
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shaunmills  Offline
Newbie
S
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Hi, I am from USA. I am in a troubled situation. My family wants me to marry a girl in their friend circle.. But I am in love with an Indian girl .. My family is not allowing me to marry her.. I cannot live without her. What should I do? I was born on 6th august 1986 and my birth time is 9 am.. I have a little belief in astrology.. Anybody who can predict something or give any solution I would be very thankful.. Thanks in advance.. Please help!!! Want to know your destiny click: [url=http://horoscope.findyourfate.com/] Daily horoscope[/url] and [url=http://horoscope.findyourfate.com/] Monthly horoscope [/url]

Last edited by shaunmills; 03/21/11 06:15 AM.
Re: NEED HELP!!!! [Re: shaunmills] #671735
03/21/11 09:20 AM
03/21/11 09:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,296
England
Linda19 Offline
Chipmunk
Linda19  Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,296
England
I don't think anyone can predict your future for you! And surely it is up to you who you decide to marry, no one can tell you who you must marry! It is not up to anyone but you as they are not the one who has to live with someone they do not love.

Parents do not have authority over you to say 'marry this one or that one' it is entirely up to you.


Linda Heywood

Re: NEED HELP!!!! [Re: Linda19] #672845
03/25/11 05:36 PM
03/25/11 05:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,691
Orange, CA USA
L
Lori - Marriage Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lori - Marriage  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Koala
L
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,691
Orange, CA USA
Shaunmills, you create your own destiny regardless of what the stars might foretell. Create what you want.

I am familiar with arranged marriages and know of couples who were arranged, happily and unhappily everafter. It is hard to stand up to your family when family is so important to different cultures. Americans have no qualms about cutting off family in difficult situations, but it is unthinkable in some cultures.

When you discuss your desires with your family, do not talk to them as a group. Open up to one person at a time in a private place. Appeal to the person's love for you and tell them that if he or she really loves you and cares about your happiness, he or she would not force you into a loveless marriage. Elders believe that love can grow between strangers over time. And it is true. But not if your heart already belongs to someone else.

Tell them what you told us, that you cannot live without your true love. That you do not want to live without her.

Do not confront your family in anger. Anger begets anger. Look deeply into their eyes and tell them you love them and you know they love you, too. And because they love you, you know they would not want you to be miserable. Point out real loveless arranged marriages (they will point out successful marriages) and the dire consequences young lovers are driven to to avoid them.

If they still do not listen, remember that you are in the United States and they simply cannot physically force you to marry. If you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to live on your own and marry who you like. It will hurt to strike out on your own and leave your family behind, but better that then to live without your true love.

In the end, every man needs to leave his mother and father to join with a wife and start his own family. Who knows, standing up for your rights may cause your father to respect you as a man. Tell your parents that you love and respect them, but they would do the same as you, stand up for true love.

One more thing: Let them know you have prayed about this and consulted divine guidance. Be sure to do so! Pray and ask God for help. You will receive inspiration to do the right thing. If God indeed blessed you with true love, your parents will not protest against God's will.

Best wishes.




Lori Phillips
Marriage editor

BellaOnline.com Marriage
Twitter: @BellaMarriage

Dreams editor
Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03
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