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Jilly #668290 03/08/11 12:35 AM
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You know, I like Lisa just the way she is. As Jilly just said "I'd never give it up as it defines me." That is what all this boils down to -- who you are and being happy with who you are.

Never give up being you, Lisa.


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This really is such a mind opening topic and Lisa, grief, are you kidding? Never stop doing what you're doing, whether it's here or online elsewhere!

You're focussed and this community is reflective of your being just that in the midst of the economy and everything else.

Jealousy, should have a multi-layered definition, because it isn't just that someone has something we might not, it delves I feel, into insecurities.

So, say you have something you put your heart into, but someone else comes along and has a more comprehensive view.

Well, if you're taking classes, writing, starting a business, or pursuing something you are passionate about, basically you're trying to add on to or improve yourself. so, in general, if you're doing that, you're looking for compliments or encouragement or someone saying "Wow...I never thought of it that way!"

But, it's also exhausting trying to please everyone! I use to lose 5 lbs a day in trying, lol. Now I kind of like my pudge smile

I can see leadership SO vast, w/Jilly, you, Phyllis, and I don't know this student, but others on Bella as well. Deep down,though, it feels like we're all just pushing forward, maybe against adversities of some type, so there's a bit of overcoming defensivism to an extent, maybe, but it's like you have to be so strong too? I don't have the right words.

It could be this student was doing the same and it wasn't you per se, but maybe the trigger was she's got a background of being corrected or something or taking an ethics class for some other reason...maybe she experienced something in a work related issue?

These days who knows? But, it's kind of like when you do come across something that's effected you emotionally, it's kind of like stepping on a bee. Hours, days later, it's still tender, lol. In these cases, it's probably more like years?


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I'm rather disappointed. When I saw the subject, I thought you were talking about me .... **sniff sniff**

Lisa, never ever give up your discussions. Your contributions are awesome! Some people simply cannot stand not knowing everything and being the "top dog" ... if there is a real issue, I'd suggest an email to the instructor to find out what should happen (i.e., you ignore her/don't post to her or whatever). Hypersensitivity has no place in a classroom or on the internet, but it's there in spades!

You go!!!!

Jilly #668606 03/09/11 02:13 AM
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Lisa, it is really weird. I was reading your post talking about change, and I thought of my friend Rosie. She has a saying, "When the time is right, a teacher will come." Amazing! I'm reading down your post, and guess what pops out? Just what I was going to reply.

This whole thing reminds me of a conversation that I had with my doctor. When I commit to take a medication, I am very faithful about taking it as prescribed. However, until I'm ready to commit, I don't start one. Every medication has multiple reactions within the body--something that I am keenly aware of. If I don't want to risk side effects, I just won't start a med unless there is a compelling reason.

Dr. is always trying to get me to see his viewpoint. I am always trying to get my students to see what is in their best interests, but until they are ready, it is just so much "Charlie Brown" sound. "Waaah, waaaaah wahh, waaaah, waaaaah." You know the sound that teachers make!

On a slightly different subject--weight. Sometimes being heavy allows people to be less threatening intellectually to other folks. Also, when working in an urban high school, having a bit of girth can be advantageous. Not that being a "big boned" woman is all fabulous, but it's not all terrible either. Just saying.... tut


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Quote:
It could be this student was doing the same and it wasn't you per se, but maybe the trigger was she's got a background of being corrected


I try to remind myself of this all the time - that we all have triggers and they have to do with themselves. We don't know that we've tripped something. It's not on purpose. We can't really even prevent setting off a trigger - since we are all different and have no idea what their trigger might be.

I actually have a list of personal triggers that i've been working on with my therapist for the past few weeks. I'm pretty pleased with it and have been watching myself for things to add to it. It's exciting when i find a new one...i like finding things that explain me to me.

It might be fun to start a thread in one of the forums where we list our personal triggers. We can find out how much we all have in common, or at least learn a few ideas about where someone else might be sensitive.

Jilly #669604 03/13/11 12:26 AM
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Monica - that is an awesome comparison. I agree completely that someone who wants to invest in a healthy body has to be very serious about their effort for it to work. They should have to work to gain entry.

Phyllis - I think your technique is great. It gives them the chance to shine. Well done!

Deb - I think even in our current era that it is hard for some men to feel less smart (or heck less strong, income earning, younger, shorter, etc) than a woman. It is sad we even have to think about these things. A female friend of mine is tall and she dated a guy shorter than her and it really upset him. He made it clear. I am only 5'7 and even so one time I put on heels my then boyfriend called me only half jokingly a monster. I was too tall. So Deb absolutely I can imagine a guy being upset at being less smart.

Btw I would love to play scrabble with you and I would never resign smile

I do agree that at its core it is about being comfortable with yourself. And finding someone who is comfortable with himself. You shouldn't have to find someone who is already taller / stronger / smarter / richer / etc because there will always be *something* to trigger. You simply have to find someone who is content with who they are. Then it will always work. But I admit it isn't that simple to find him or her smile


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Jilly I think a thread about triggers would be great!

I greatly appreciate the other supportive messages that were posted. I do want to keep helping and supporting people. While I do that Deb brought up a great point. I want to be me and also present a me that is sensitive to other people. That is there is a balance in interacting in a way which is generally helpful. If I can make my posts even more helpful so more people can benefit from that, that would seem to be a good skill to work on.

As a simple example say I posted my posts filled with swears so half my readers couldn't read them due to anti swear filters. If I figured that out and tweaked my message I could reach twice as many people with only a tiny change. It would be well worth it for me to do that.


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I think the best tweak is to post things in a way that the person you are responding to never feels small.

Deb, what was the word for that in Aspire? I really dug that idea.


Jilly #670531 03/15/11 05:37 PM
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Jilly, it's Genshai! LOVE that word and what it means.

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Lisa, one thing I'm always trying to be mindful of is to put relationships first (I"m not talking romance here - business, family, friends and even new contacts or online connections) and again, it's a problem because I "forget" that. I never had a debate team in school, but I would have been the Queen! I love debate! And, I love "being right". But, in my work particularly, I need people to work together and give their best, so I try to give tons of praise and credit for other people's ideas and contributions.

Not to be patronizing (Hate that!) but to realize that not everyone is as confident of their knowledge and abilities as say someone like me appears to be, and that everyone performs better when they feel valued.

I think you do an excellent job of praising and making people feel valued--and it seems to come natural for you. So, in regards to your original post, I think perhaps the best solution is probably to be aware of it and then keep on doing what you do! laugh It would be a shame to deprive the rest of the class of your contributions because it rubbed one person the wrong way.

My quote for today: "We have enough Youth, How about a fountain of Smart?"






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