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Jilly, I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way ...

Susan

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My husband often says " you are my first, in my word only you", but i know that career for a man is very very important, which is a source of his happiness and self-confidence. If it makes him happy, wouldn't you be happy?

Last edited by Astera; 12/28/11 04:05 AM.

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I don't have a problem with a man's career coming before me as long as he spends time with me.

I have heard that it is important for us to have something outside of our relationship that brings us joy.

I am working on my professional life now as Sylvester does have a career he enjoys - something that he promised himself at age 58. Yes, when we were younger - it was all about doing what was needed to provide a roof over our minor kids. Now it is about enjoying what time we have left on this earth.

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Amoeba
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Originally Posted By: Angela J. Shirley
I don't have a problem with a man's career coming before me as long as he spends time with me.


I agree with the above statement, however, in my situation, what I think is a decent amount of "COUPLE TIME" differs greatly from my DH.

My DH works 2 jobs, 7 days a week with sometimes putting in 70+ hours. We are child-free as well. I sound like a broken record when I bring the subject up of us spending time together. He listens, it lasts one weekend and then we are back to the drawing board. We do have a date night once a week where we go out to eat and converse, but, that is not a marriage (kids or no kids).

I married later in life (38) and was always independent (own home, 2 cars, Harley, etc). I married for companionship, above all else, and ended up with the opposite. I believe in my marriage vows and do not give up easily, but, I will be damned if I am going to live this way forever.

Actually, this post should be titled "IS IT OKAY TO COME SECOND OR THIRD TO YOUR SPOUSE", not just husband. I know that my job comes first and vice-versa, but, not to the extent that it makes my DH unhappy or effects our marraige. My DH does not see it that way and makes me feel he could care less.

With that said, you are not alone!

Last edited by StormChaser; 12/28/11 10:41 AM.

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Hi StormChaser:

Yes, like you, I got into this relationship late in life - been together 3 years - I am 53, he is 58.

My challenge right now is becoming "financially" independent again as it has been a rollercoaster ride since being laid off in 2008, was on unemployment for 2 years and had savings.

When both savings and unemployment ran out the end of 2010, I moved in with him 2011, not really wanted to.

Every day I have to deal with the "shame" of not being able to save anything. Some days he is okay with this, and some days, while he may not say anything - his body language tells me.

Like you, I don't want to continue living like this - but tired of "running away" every time I get into a challenging spot.

Bottom line, when is it okay to run? And by this I mean, when is it time to give up on making stuff work.

Hmmm, interesting question...

Last edited by Angela J. Shirley; 12/28/11 10:53 AM.
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Angela....your situation financially is similar to mine....laid off in 2008 and all unemployment compensation and savings are gone. I am still looking for work now.

I understand the stress that can put a person under. I can see moving in with someone for a time to get back on your feet, but to answer your question.....if you find more bad than good in the relationship, and that more often than not you are unhappy......it is time to go.

And I wouldn't call it running away. I would call it making yourself important.

Last edited by Cassie67; 12/28/11 11:39 AM.

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Thanks Cassie smile

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Thank you, Susan. That is very kind of you and I appreciate it.

I think it will be okay. I will be really lonely with dan leaves, but I am also looking forward to having a lot more room in my tiny home, decorating it the way i want, playing my own music - loudly - not having to worry about waking someone when i head out to the outhouse in the middle of the night.

I also have local friends here this year, which I think will make a huge difference.

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Jilly, you are a very STRONG lady indeed!

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Thanks. Believe me, I am not looking forward to this. But I am trying to see the good sides, as I have no choice in this matter.

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