Hello Optimus, fore most I'd like to offer you my compassion for you; to read of the distress your experiencing. The position you're in isn't an easy one, I can relate whole heartedly.
Please be aware that your life- your opinion- your needs and wants are your first priority. You will be living the life you decide from here on out. I suggest finding a peaceful space to spend time alone. Perhaps, finding a professional listener; to assist you through this decision process, you may find this to be helpful. Please be aware that opinions exists, however the number one opinion that counts the most and affects you the greatest, is your own.
One last thing, we all will have pressures that complicate us emotionally and psychologically. Remain true and the very best of friends with yourself; especially during times such as these. May you find your strength and make peace with your predicament. Sincerely, Laugh
P S Big Hug