BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Doomed relationship..

Interesting Lyn. And I'm really sorry for your situation, and hope it goes without too much heartbreak, although I suspect it's already too late for that. I too married a man with a teenage daughter - 17 at the time -and we nearly broke up because of it. I told him months into the relationship that if his daughter was going to come first in his life, then it wouldn't work for us. I know we all talk about the cf life, and for me having a loving partner to share equally in life's ups and downs, was, and is, my main focus ( I enjoyed being single too, but in relation to the love thing, you know ? ) Anyhoo, He told me I came first, and always will, and to be fair it is true. He loves his daughter, she's 32 now with 3 kids, but his main focus has been me, completely and utterly. Don't get me wrong, even then it was difficult, as she used to look on him as an extended bank account, and as our incomes were the same, it used to rankle. So I would put anyone off getting together with a partner with kids. Even if you're 110 % sure it's right, there will always be problems, and extended families can be the biggest source of unhappiness and heartache.

I've just reread my post, and it sounds pretty callous towards my step daughter.
She is actually one of the reasons I didn't want kids. she treated her dad like a doormat, and having got in with the 'wrong crowd ' did everything you hear teenagers do that makes you cringe.

Then there was the money. When we got together, he still felt guilty because she had seen her parents divorce at 16. -she saw him as an easy touch.
He was paying her rent. her holiday with her boyfriend ( she didn't pick a cheap one ) and anything else she could think of.
I didn't begrudge birthdays, christmas, and meals out/ the odd treat, but OMG.
My husband said she treated him like @!!@ when she got to 13, and he'd had a terrible time with her.
He had stayed with his ex, even though the relationship had been bad after a few years, because of their child. ( the ex had gotten pregnant straight away, ) and he stayed unhappily with her, til the daughter was 16.

I actually get on well with his daughter, who now has 3 kids of her own. My hubby laughs when she complains about her kids' behaviour....

reminds me of a brian adams lyric.
'some get the silver spoon and some get the rocky road'

My story is kind of like Cassie's in that my ex said he was fine with not having kids, when in reality he wasn't. In his case he assumed I didn't really know what I want and that I'd eventually come around and want kids. It really hurt to find out he had been lying to me all that time and that he was not really listening to what I was saying or even paying attention to who I am. I am very uncomfortable around small kids, and uninterested in spending time with most of them. I guess he deluded himself I would be different with my own child. I would have much preferred for him to have been honest about his feelings years before, so I wouldn't have wasted that time with someone who wasn't who he said he was. When he said he wanted to break up, he had the nerve to say I should have known that deep down he would end up wanting kids. Trying to put the blame on me when he was the one being dishonest. Personally, I couldn't be with someone like your boyfriend who thinks that women were basically put on earth to have children and that the woman should to the majority of the work. His general attitude, not just the kids issue would really bother me.