BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids WISH I wanted kids!

I'm in Dolyn's boat, pretty much. My husband would love one, but he can deal with my decision (which he's known about since before we got married). We went through a rough patch a while back where I thought it was getting to him enough to make him leave, but he says he never considered that. I do wish I wanted them. It would complete my husband's life. Too bad I know him well enough to know that I'd end my life trying to work full time and raise a kid because so many things "just don't occur to him" (would be nice for you to take out the garbage or scoop the kitty litter or take the cat to the vet or deal with feline kidney failure or have enough courage to actually come to the vet when it was time to make that hard choice to put our baby down because she was suffering so much). Think of how much worse it would be with a baby! Solalux got lucky, her hubbie helps her out alot. Most are only mere mortals. I'm not going to put myself in prison for the next 18 years because so many things just don't occur to my husband.

Plenty of guys in the UK don't want kids, just like plenty of guys worldwide. Then there are those who think they want kids but it's down to social conditioning not an actual biological urge. Some just believe it's 'the norm' and can't see a life without it, yet if you were to ask them if they will stay home and raise the child? All of a sudden children don't seem to feature so highly in their desires. My partner never wanted kids but he assumed he'd have them someday. That was until he met me and actually thought about what having kids would be like and why he thought he wanted them. After giving it proper thought he was happy to admit he didn't want them at all. And it was funny because in the time I've known him he had never shown the slightest interest in children, doesn't know how to behave around them, doesn't bother much about his niece (he does love her but she's a baby it's not like he can have a conversation with her) and yet still, if asked, he would say he thought he would have kids some day. Not for any good reason, just because!

Update: turned out me and the funny, gorgeous, lovely man couldn't resist each other, and we're now officially together. We know we're possibly heading for heartbreak, but chose to be happy now and deal with the consequences later. Oh dear.

Good to hear Rosie, you never know it could all go very well, plenty of people don't really know if they want kids or not until they meet someone who doesn't and really start thinking about the ins and outs of it. Meant to say to VirgoGirl, we all have a responsibility to be 'complete' as an individual and I don't believe it's right for anyone to have a partner or a child to 'feel complete', it puts a lot of pressure on that individual to supply the person's happiness and we are all responsible for our own happiness. My ex's mum is entirely dependent on him for her happiness and it makes his life hellish, it's horrible and part of the reason I ended up leaving him (he couldn't break away from it).

Rosie, I'm really pleased for you ! he sounds fab. I often wonder about these people who break up with a partner, because they 'need' kids. It reminds me of a friend of ours - about 7 years ago his wife of 2 years got to 40, and became desperate for a child. so much so, that if our friend didn't want them she would leave and find a man who could supply her with a child... He didn't want them but eventually gave in, and now they have a 6 year old daughter. he obviously loves the child to bits, but we stopped seeing as much of them as couples, because of course, the emphasis had changed, and their focus was the child. completely different to ours. I thought at the time that there is no way she could love her husband, because, how could you give that ultimatum, and love someone ? Surely he must have felt about the size of a gnat ( or sperm ) because that is all she wanted from him. And of course, his pay packet, and another helping hand to raise the child. Very cold. and yes....VERY selfish. You never know in life, Rosie, and to find love, well that's the best, so just relax and enjoy it. Good luck for the relationship.

Swearbear said: ..."we're trying and failing" is a lot easier for them to hear than "we want to live our lives unhindered". Isn't it sad how totally true that statement is? I've told people in our church that we are "trying" (we aren't) jsot so that when I don't get pregnant, ever, they won't feel they have to say anything about and they'll think we tried. I attempted the honest route but got such looks and silence that lying was easier. Yes, I see the irony of lying in church... Here's what's even weirder: Many of the church mommies confess to me that they wish they either didn't have kids at all or had fewer. WHAT'S UP WTIH THAT??? There is an entire culture centered around women having kids and being happy homemaker and a good number of these same women are not happy. Messed up.

The answer to that Gaynor is to stop seeing them if they make such idiotic comments. Not easy I know but people should be told when their behaviour isn't acceptable. They need to realise that everyone is different and everyone has different desires and needs, wanting children is absolutely NOT an exception to the rule, it is simply another subject on which people think differently.

I would tell them in no uncertain terms, it's none of their business, lack of acceptance of your life choice will not be tolerated in any way, shape or form, and that it is also perfectly natural to not want children. It is as natural as it is to want them, this is clear because some humans are simpy born not wanting children. I wouldn't necessarily make any excuses like "living your life unhindered", the fact that you do not want children should be enough. Do they want you to be happy or unhappy? Maybe you should ask them that?

I don't think I've ever wanted kids, don't wish I did either. Though I wish i could say I've met men who didn't want children who thought a life with just me was perfect. Sadly that's hardly the case! The last boyfriend I had I dated for 6 years, he wanted kids but he didn't want to actually have to deal with raising them. He wanted to have a kid, and then focus on his career, which seemed entirely unfair. I made it clear, I don't want kids, so I'm single now...how weird is that. I don't know where to go to find a "kid free" guy or a guy who doesn't want kids. So I'm single, and while I wish I could find a nice boyfriend who agreed with my "no kids" policy, I don't know if that will ever happen sadly.

Jen, don't dispair. I am sure you will find that guy. Many of us on here have, so they are out there. Do you have a local "No Kidding?" It's not a dating service as they say, but you can meet other CF folks and maybe a single guy.

Kat, I'm pretty sure we don't have a "No Kidding" here, I live in a very small community, so small most people have never heard of it. I've asked around but everyone looks at me strangely, so I'm pretty sure there isn't one here. I could look up in Maryland but that's so out of the way and with the way gas prices are, not very convenient. I thought of starting my own when I found another job, they said on the site that it's only 50 dollars, but then I'm scared it may not be such a big hit because about 98% of where I live has children or is expecting.