BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Senior Issues How do you deal with Sadness?

I've just returned from visiting my mother at the nursing home and am feeling extremely sad. She no longer lives in reality. She never asks about the kids any more. She talks of deceased relatives as if they were still living and seems to be stuck in time somewhere in the 1930s. I know that my visits make a difference to her so I keep going. But I just get so sad seeing her like this. I know the sadness will go away. I'll go home and hug my husband and feel better.

But how do you overcome sadness? I know many people in the world struggle with this. I'd like to hear your remedy.

Diane

I am so glad you are near enough to visit her!

As I age, now 52, I find myself not getting as sad as I used to.

I guess I have learn't that it will pass and what makes it pass faster is like what you do - hug my boyfriend, make time for a loved one - in other words, find something SPECIAL to do to CANCEL out the "sadness".....

But sometimes, I do need to cry a few tears rather than try not to. Tears sometimes is "cleansing" and gives you a NEW outlook.

I also do not ALLOW myself to stay in bed - yep, spent too much time in the past doing this. But again, sometimes I do NEED to lay in the bed all day - but not the second day. The second day would only "confirm" the sadness.

A very thoughtful post

Diane, I often find that when I am sad a walk in Nature really helps me. It energizes me and lifts my spirits. Even if it is cold out, raining, regardless of the weather, I can find something in Nature to give me a feeling of peace.

Does your mother have alzheimer's?

Phyllis, glad to find another "walker" - walking has been my therapy for years. And I like to walk alone, only our dog Jeremiah is allowed to join me as he does not talk. This quiet time is for ME to heal or think or just relax. Great suggestion

Not Alzheimer's, but advanced dementia. Many of the same symptoms as Alzheimer's--none of it easy to deal with.

Diane

I am so sorry, Diane. Seeing a loved one go through things like this is not easy to deal with, I know. It is good that your husband is a strong support for you.

Is there any group in your area that provides counseling or therapy on how to cope with these types of situations? Sometimes it really helps to be in a group with others who are going through the same issues.

Diane you are doing the right thing by spending as much time as you can with her. And what an AWESOME husband you have. I am so GLAD you have him there for support.

Dementia is hardest on loved ones. Some dementia residents are aware they are losing memories, but many are happy where they go. I worked at a nursing home as an activitiy director. The residents were so much happier than the relatives were. It's a grieving process you're dealing with, more than sadness, I think. Watching a loved one lose portions of their recent life is difficult, but they are gaining their youth, although it becomes confusing at times for them.

I know that coping is difficult because your memories aren't in sync with your mother's. Giving pictures for the walls help sometimes, and picture books. Talking, even if it's just listening and responding to your loved ones memories, is helpful also.

One thing to try is to get a life book started. Help write down these memories, even if they're confused memories, is helpful to both of you.

I'm glad you have your own support system, it helps.

I'll tell you a brief funny about one of my residents. She was having her 90th b-day. Her kids (in their 60s) came and threw a little party and invited the staff. The daughter was saying how much they appreciate the staff and welcome to "my mother's 90th birthday." Mrs. S said, "90!!! Who's 90!!!" Well, you are mother ... "No I'm not!! Who told you that. Who's that cake for I want some." It was slightly bitter sweet, but Mrs. S was such a funny little lady we all got a huge laugh with her.

Sara, you have given Diane some very good and heartfelt information. The way you suggest to help retain memories is wonderful.

To quote you: "It's a grieving process you're dealing with, more than sadness, I think." That is so insightful. I think you are right on. When my Aunt lost her memory, it was like her whole life was gone, and the family grieved for that loss. Looking at this situation (sadness/grief) in a different light may help Diane to know how to cope better and begin to heal. Seeking help for grieving (loss of the memories) may be the right thing to do.

I feel that when someone is close to the other side or heading there, we all are, but some of us are right there, ready to cross over, that maybe the ones closest to the Other Side may have a reality that may not be the one that we have but is all just the same.

They are preparing to enter a realm which we don't operate out of on a regular basis.

So, I was thinking, maybe that instead of it making a presentation of being deficient in some way, maybe engage in her entrance into a a world as much as you might wish she would re-engage in ours.