BellaOnline Forums Family Moms stay at home moms vs. working moms

I recently wrote an article for Suite101, titled Should You Be A Stay at Home Mom and received mainly negative responses. My most current response was a link to an article entitled Ditch the Guilt Working Moms: the kids are all right. I felt so strongly about the comments in this article that I wrote a rebuttal in my blog. If anyone is debating going to work or staying home, or knows a mom who is, than this post is for you. Check it out at my personal blog: The Spooner Clan

I think it's funny how experts and some moms are still so clueless on this topic. I think many modern day moms have found ways of doing both. It can be done and it's so much better than having to choose.

I'm at stay at home mom and I work at home most of the time and it works really well for everybody.

My daughter is two years old, i bring here to my sister-in-law to watch after so i can go to work again. I stared last month, it�s working out well for both of us, i was a little hesitant at first but i know she is in good hands and i have nothing to worry about.
I�m working on the balancing of everything still as this takes time to get everything managed, but so far so good, i would say i�m not anymore stressed than before.

You state that you are only addressing your comments to the "my kids are driving me nuts!" mothers. Yet you then go on to tell these mothers that by putting their children in day care, their children will not learn character, not learn values, and will not bond with, or form an attachment to them. You go on to state that their children will be rebellious teens, and end up distant, aloof and just plain obnoxious.

So, I take it that day care centers somehow can tell the difference between your 3 "types" of career mothers and only cripple the kids of just that one type? Or are they indiscriminate, and simply create horrible, uncaring, kids with no character or values, across the board for all of the working mothers?

You state you are not trashing working mothers and then go on to do just that, and also to presume to know exactly what working mothers are feeling and why.

To write such unsubstantiated, one sided, inflammatory rhetoric is fine for a personal opinion blog. Just don't try to make your OPINION sound like it is the unvarnished, absolute truth.

While your way of raising your children might be right for you, it is NOT the ONLY way, or even necessarily the BEST way.

I work outside the home - full time and freelance write part time. I think it's hard to pidgeon hole women into just those three categories.

I work because I need to keep a roof over our heads.
I'm goal-oriented, but really not toward the same goals I had in my 20's or 30's. A goal - but I'm not trying to make CEO.lol...
I'll admit I need some me time away, not just from the kids, but the hubby and his mommy too. Actually my kids and I LOVE spending time together and we really quite miss when it was just us "3 muskateers".
I actually enjoy the interaction with other adults and I feel it allows me to bring home a world of knowledge from outside of our home to inside.
From my working, my kids learn a sense of responsibility and that nothing is free and they have to work for a living.
I don't know, maybe I'm not a career mother, but rather a mother who enjoys her career as a mommy,a wife and a business woman.

Interesting article...

It's dangerous to make generalizations about people, especially parents and children. Every parent-child relationship is different. Needs, wants, personalities. There are few bottom line requirements of parents. Love, of course. Providing for a child's safety, physical, emotional and psychological needs are also a parent's responsibility.

I've known full-time mothers who do neither. Just because they're at home with the kids does not mean they are providing love and attention. Many kids are better off in preschool where they receive mental stimulation, structure, regular meals and socialization.

Some full-time moms think staying home is the most important part of parenting but that isn't always true. Too many sacrifice important things that kids need like medical insurance, consistent living standards like a steady home, nutritious food and such.

And there are working moms who plain don't have time or energy for their kids either.

But with that said, there are both working and full-time moms who provide a great upbringing for their children. There are fabulous examples of working mothers who raise very happy, well-adjusted, successful children. They say the proof of the pudding is in the eating so hold your judgments until you see how the kids grow up.

I was mostly a stay-at-home mother with a few brief stints working full-time so I know both sides of the situation. Pros and cons.

Every mother has the right to choose how to raise her own family. Neither side is better than the other. Just different.