BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I wonder whether people think we are child haters?

[quote=Jellyroll] I can't believe people actually said that to you Swearbear. Some people can be so ignorant and rude. Sad thing is, it's not always jealousy that causes people to say such things. Sometimes it's just plain stupidity and ignorance. [/quote] Funny thing is, I've been living with my husband for 2 1/2 yrs...don't you think if I WANTED a baby, I'd have one by now??

Maybe some people actually think we can't have children, so we just tell people "we don't want them" because we don't want people feeling bad for us.

A few years after we were married, my step mother (whom I'm not very close to, and was probably just trying to make conversation) asked me while we alone in the kitchen, "So, when are you 2 going to have kids?" Not someone I should deflect with witty one-liners, I figured now is as good a time to get the info out and she can rehash it to my Dad later. So, I replied, "Actually, we have decided not to have children." Literally, her response back to me was, "Well, have you even tried?" For a second I thought maybe she misheard the question, so I said, "No, I said we decided not to have children. She said, "Yes, I heard, but have you guys even tried?" I'm sure you can all imagine my confusion. I just said, "No, we haven't tried, because we don't want them." She said back, "Do you even know if you can get pregnant?" What does one say to that? I was like 24 years old. All I could say was, "I assume I'm capable of reproduction, but I really don't care seeing as how I don't want children." Then I pretty much just wandered away.

It was a very weird conversation. I get the impression she just thought I was putting on a brave face, you know. "Pretending" I don't want something I can't have. Maybe they think those of us without kids are constantly wondering about our fertility "just in case?" Is it something all women who actually want kids wonder about until they actually try to have a baby? Wow, it probably is, isn't it? I just spent all my time trying to avoid pregnancy, never cared if I was capable of it.

-Nods- Exactly. I've said the exact same thing. I've been with my husband for 5 years and I'm going to be 31 soon. You would think people would put 2+2 together and figure that I am serious about not having a baby.



That is freaking weird.
I had a strange experience once with my sister in law. About 2 years ago I learned that I had ovarian cysts. Possibly pcos but I've never followed up on any tests. I've always had problems with my uterus and I'm pretty sure I would have difficulty getting pregnant even if I wanted to. Well, when I was explaining this to my sister in law (who already knew I didn't want children) she was shocked and told me how sorry she was that we couldn't have kids. Then she said we should pray on it and keep trying. Trying? When did I ever say we were trying? Then said she'd pray for us. I told her not to bother since we didn't want kids.

I just don't get people sometimes.

[quote=swearbear][quote=Jellyroll] [quote=Jellyroll][quote]Funny thing is, I've been living with my husband for 2 1/2 yrs...don't you think if I WANTED a baby, I'd have one by now?? [/quote] -Nods- Exactly. I've said the exact same thing. I've been with my husband for 5 years and I'm going to be 31 soon. You would think people would put 2+2 together and figure that I am serious about not having a baby. I've been married for 11 years, and someone (a friend's husband) who I've known for TWENTY YEARS asked me when my husband and I were going to have kids! Really?!?!

I think the reason why people don't take CFs seriously is, on the one hand, the fact that seems to be such a minority thing, and on the other, that there are enough people out there who say they don't want children and then have them. They say it because they are single, or with the wrong guy, or with the wrong job, or because they cannot afford them...(and maybe because they are afraid they can't, too). Anyway, if those circumstances change they end up giving it a try.
I met my husband at almost 34. Before that, I had only had short and superficial relationships, and I had told everybody, who would listen that I didn't mean to have children ever. And I must say, I occasionally found people who would say "me neither". But all of them ended having them. Ironically, now that I have one too, I am sure that none of my friends questions I was serious before, but I wonder if they ever thought that I was so against motherhood/children because I was single.

I dont dislike children. I like and dislike individual humans. Some children I like some I dislike. This is not respective to behavior either. I like some pretty bad kids and dislike "good" kids... just like adults. I tend to dislike groups of kids but I also tend to dislike groups of adults too (on freeways, in walmart, in malls, in parkinglots... for example).

People who don't like kids, or some kids, are being honest in my opinion and it is good they don't want kids to raise.

My opinion is you should like kids before making the decision to have any.

Amen Yutolia!

I have to admit that I don't like kids. Never have, which made for a hard childhood of my own. I never apologize for feeling the way I do, and I think that, like Susan Kramer said, you need to make sure you ADORE kids before you even think about having them.

The fact is that most child-free people like kids alright but they just don't want any. I am one of the group that really can't stand kids or being around them. I try not to be mean or awkward in social situations that calls for a joining of kids and adults, but I can't help it. I'd like society to accept that not only do many people not want any kids, but many also do not particularly care for them. That doesn't make these people evil. It simply makes them human with their individualistic tastes.

Hallelujah Praise then Lord! Someone ACTUALLY gets it!