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Kimberly, I know exactly how you feel. I wasn't really able to share my feelings of my two miscarriages to anyone. After I miscarried my last baby, I was lucky to find a forum like this one where I was able to talk to another woman that had been through a similiar circumstance. The first baby I lost was in 2006. I was about 9 weeks but the baby had just stopped developing. The last one was in Feb 2008. I was about 20 weeks pregnant. I went to the doctor thinking everything was going to be alright. I was finding out the sex of my baby that day. I couldn't have been more devastated when they told me that they couldn't find a heartbeat and that my baby had died inside the womb. I think the emotional pain was the hardest that I have ever had to endure. It has been 2 years now and I haven't been able to get pregnant. I am almost 39 and I am blessed to already have children that are healthy but it was heartbreaking to have to go through these 2 miscarriages. We never think that it can happen to us but it can. I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can express how hard it is to lose a child. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and if you ever need someone to talk to, i will be more than happy to talk to you. Bonnie

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Hi everyone - just got on to this now -- was lost and didn't know where to turn.. I miscarriaged 4 weeks ago, a missed miscarriage - but it was particalary horrendous becaue agter 3 scans (because of bleeding) the 3 scans showed very different things - first one showed baby heart beat (10 weeks preg) - told to go home everything is fine, then next scan showed no foetus, empty baby sac -- then told miscarrying to go home and come in for final confirmation scan that showed foetus and sac -- but went home and after a day of intense labour pains, starting haemorging and rushed to a&e where I was given pethadine injections for 3 days and finally had d&c 15the may - 4 weeks ago. On sat night last week i start hameorging again and passed a massive clot size of my fist, kept clotting and bleeding and went to a&e where they said i still have pregnancy hormones, hcg levels which is not normal 4 weeks after d&c. Gave me scan and they see something but don't know what it is. So tomorrow have to go for proper clear scan - and they are testing level of hcg hormones... i'm totally freaking out -- it brings up a lot of horrible questions as in -- did i actually need d&c? why didn't it clear all material? what did i pass on saturday night - my poor baby that was not given a chance - or just material that should have been cleared at d&c?... i have a 10 year old beautiful son at home -- but i feel although so blessed to have him.. really strange about the baby i've lost and wanted so badly and what the hell has actually happened to my body. I'm being told everything is abnormal - from full blown labour pains, to still passing clots after d&c... i might have a womb infection but how long have i had this and would this cause infertility??? i have tried to cope with the emotional pain, physical pain -- but all of this is now finally freaking me out totally..... very confused and sad -- and although i have support, people don't know what to say - they feel awkward... any advice ladies, or thoughts...?

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I, too, am dealing with the loss of a pregnancy. I am 39, like Bonnie, and miscarried at almost 10 weeks on March 4, 2010. I have two boys, 12 and 9, and this pregnancy was a complete surprise! We found out I had a blighted ovum and I chose to let the miscarriage happen naturally...I had to wait over 2 weeks which was torture. My husband didn't want to try again, but I did. Needless to say, we waited 3 months to decide on birth control and didn't really use protection during that time. We didn't get pregnant so I am getting ready to go back on the pill. I have times when I am ok and other times when I just cry. I have times when I want to get pregnant and other times when I don't. I am a teacher and there are a lot of young women having babies all around me and it's torture! I guess I'm jealous and want what I lost.

Lori3 #607039 06/25/10 12:24 PM
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I guess I worry about my age and have that added pressure of knowing I can't wait a year or two to see if the desire for a baby is still there and then try again to get pregnant.

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