BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting 28 year old stepson - like a puppet on a string

I'm 45 and am not able to do my own income tax and mine is easy as well. Your husband fixing his sons car in the dark probably saved you 3 or 4 hundred dollars if not more and as for college their are plenty of programs out there for the son to get financial aid and grants for school or he can go part time and take a couple of classes so it wont be so expensive. Plus he can work at the school to help pay for college aa well.

Obviously your husband doesn't mind helping his son and you have been in this situation for about twenty years so this is behavior you should be expecting. Sure you may be tired of it and would like ss to come over and help dad with things or whatever but after all of these years, is it really worth getting worked up about and stressing over? Or stressing your husband over it?

QUOTE>I'm 45 and am not able to do my own income tax and mine is easy as well. Your husband fixing his sons car in the dark probably saved you 3 or 4 hundred dollars if not more


UMMMMMMMM- Fixing the 28 year old son's car in the dark saved her and him money????? Why isn't the son paying for his own car to be fixed and why it is coming out of their pocket to fix it?


QUOTE> Obviously your husband doesn't mind helping his son and you have been in this situation for about twenty years so this is behavior you should be expecting.

So when the child was 8 she should have looked into her crystal ball and foreseen the future of a 28 grown man's behavior? This is a very unfair statement to make to her. Shame on you.

There has got to be a limit to how much a grown man can expect and take from his parent and it is really unfair for any of us to judge since it is NOT us living in their home. I understand he loves his son, but I am sorry to say that sometimes love/kindness can be mistaken for weakness.

I didn't say anything about a crystal ball. I didn't say he jumped from eight to twenty eight. There is a twenty year span in there. He was probably the same way ten years ago, three years ago, etc... who knows?

And I am not judging, you are all judging saying that he is taking his father for granted or not doing stuff on his own. Saying that love is being mistaken for weakness. Thats judging.

I only said that fixing the car saved her and the father money because she said that they would have to pay for him to go to college.

You mean to tell me that if a family member offered to fix your car, you would say no because you would rather spend hundreds of dollars to get it fixed on your own?

You can call it what you want, but it just shows me that his father loves him whether he is enabling or not, if he didn't love him, he wouldn't be doing these things for him.

I have pride and dignity so I take care of my own stuff and ask no one for anything.



His father may love him- that was not in question.

Dear Henrietta-
I think you're onto something that can work. What a great way to turn things around. By saying, "I love you, and my anxiety and focus on your son isn't about him or what you have with him. It's about us and me, what kind of good times and closeness we have. Let's stop talking about the son and talk about our juicy plans."

I love it, what a nailing of the target. Your husband will enjoy talking to you again. And, just maybe you can dive out of some of the stress.

This is so hard. Sometimes I had to remind myself that my husband's generousity with his kids, is the way he is, and, in fact, he's generous to a fault with me, too. If I ask.

I really hope this goes better.
mysteyshrink

Hi EVeryone This is kind of NEW topic but RELATED. i am not sure HOW to post a NEW TOPIC and I would like some feedback. I Need to VENT and I have no where really to go but to friends who DO NOT HAVE STEP CHILDREN. i have written here before and i sonds like a broken record but it helps to SHARE. I have been married 8 years and met my SD when she was only 14 turning 15. Tough age! She lived with us from 16 to almost 17 when I had a NEW baby at the ripe old age of 40! my husband and I are much older parents. I am now 48, hubby 60 and our son is only 7. SD is now 23. He has paid child support for over 10 years and still does! She completed 4 years of college and cannot find a "real job". She works for her father part time in a medical office but has no degree and could NOT get a job if he dies suddenly - he is a much older father but in okay health. Her mother is older 100. They COMPLETELY spoiled her with clothing, trips, cars and also her boyfriend who is now 26 and really does NOT work - he works 2 days per week and LIVES AT HOME! this was not my generation and i am very judgemental and shocked that parents allow this. I would NEVER allow this when my child is in his 20s - it is eeither FULL TIME WORK or FULL TIME SCHOOL. Both my husband and I work hard and we have enough money. The problem is now I have heard through our office that the boyfriend is "abusive" and controlls my step daughter and is only looking for money from the doctor father (my husband). The other office workers notice this but will NOT tell my husband. He does not see anything - the PINK ELEPHANT in the room. Both come to work tired at 11am (they will not start at 8am like everyone else), now they want to move to Vancouer because it is "hip" and they both expect my husband to PAY "child support" for them to move there. She intends to go to grad school in nutrion and take 3 classes only. She has been straight about being a "professional student" with no intentions of really working. The BF will just live with her. They play video games for hours per day. I HATE THIS. Sorry, but it is so weird to me. If I bring it up with my husband he gets angry and says "you hate my daugther". I do NOT hate her I just feel that she needs to grow up and to build self esteem. I also worry about the abusive BF. Shoudl I tell my husband about the office rumors? Does he have right to know? I am so sick to my stomach when they come to my house. I am kind and gracious but I want to throw up. Is this normal? They are not rude but they "take, take take" Does anyone have any advice?? I want them to MOVE ON and become adults but will all of the $1500 per month coming to them they NEVER have to grow up. Isn't this a form of neglect? honestly, our medical staff is from age 22-30 and ALL of them work hard but the step dau and BF. What about the abuse claims? Any advice? Thanks!!! Sarah