BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'm NOT Effing jealous that you had a baby...

Ditto on that. I don't know why it is, things you wouldn't allow from strangers is supposed to be tolerated because of common DNA

Just to be able to defend yourself against family and flying monkeys who will take her side, I'd give her one chance. Tell her firmly and calmly, then promise consequences if she steps over the line. Be prepared to be viewed as the Bad Guy, though, if you have to apply those consequences. There is something about an obnoxious person who seems to be able to draw defenders vs a person who simply asks to have their views respected.

I hope you let us know how this turns out. I'm betting on her not just disrespecting your views, but ramping it up. Be prepared to come back here for more support. At least you know there's ONE place you'll find it

What your cousin is doing would get under my skin, too. However, it shouldn't. This is HER problem. I would ask her if there's a reason that she's sending these things to you? Or better yet Thank her, but tell her you aren't interested. Other than that, keep on living your life as you please. There's NO GREATER REVENGE than living your life the way you want to! What a shame that she has such a problem, don't let it become yours! Return to sender with those coupons. OOOORRR use them to buy baby gifts for showers etc. and then thank her for being so considerate hahaha!

So, I talked to my mom about all of this last night....that conversation didn't go well...she said "oh, why don't you tell her that you can't have children and the flyers are in bad taste?" Number one, that would just give her a superiority complex that she can do something I can't (pop out a little one at whim)...secondly, why should I have to make up excuses for being CF?? Its not an illness...its not embarrassing...we just, quite honestly, have better things to do right now than reproduce. My cousin doesn't really take care of her child...the kid's head is flat as a board from being left in her crib all day. When she came to DC to crash my wedding reception, she didn't even have a stroller...and couldn't afford to buy one...and, it was the middle of snowmageddon...which shut down all of DC for a week...but, the baby didn't have anything to cover her legs...they were bright pink! I did, however, get a little revenge...I got a phone call from my grandma's next door neighbor thanking me for wedding pictures I had sent her, and we were talking about school...I told her I was taking an Arabic class because we are going to Egypt in August because I've always wanted to see the pyramids, and we found a tour that will take us on a 2 day cruise down the Nile River, and EVERYBODY needs to see the Sphinx at least ONCE in their life...really playing it up because I knew my cousin was coming to my grandma's house this weekend and I knew that this neighbor would come over with "Oh, did you know Jess is going to Egypt!?!" Hehheh...I know I should be the bigger person, but why? ;-)

Have fun in Egypt!! My husband and I were there in 2008 and it's wonderful!! Being CF, we travel quite a bit and we love being able to experience new cultures.

hey, have fun in Egypt. Also, I think your mom was trying to make it easy on you. I see why you wouldn't want to say that though.

Your cousin isn't worth wasting any effort on. She is plain ridiculous and needs her head examined. I have also encountered jealousy especially when I talk about the places I have traveled and adventures I have had for not being tied down with kids. But people are more openly jealous and not spiteful at all so she must truly be envious of you. Kids are wonderful but they are not the key to happiness and not for everyone. THey can turn out to be a huge disappointment despite your best efforts. I tell people when I am old I'll have my memories and they'll have all their kids and grandkids around but I think my trade off is worth it. I have seen things they will never be able to either because they have kids or no money left because of kids. There are too many bad parents or people having babies because they think it will complete their lives. I spend time with kids in that exact situation whose parents try and dump them on others whenever they can. I sometimes have doubts and think I want one too as society makes you feel like you have to or your life isn't complete. I"ve even have felt slightly jealous of some others with babies,but never spiteful... yet I am perfectly capable of having kids and still am not convinced I want any. I figure my desire has to be strong otherwise I am just fooling myself. Even my boyfriend of 10 years is more convinced than me but supportive of either decision. I am 38 so I think even the small inkling of wanting them is the biological clock ticking. I had a woman ask me why I didn't want kids. I told her because I chose not to and I like to travel and live my life. Just when I thought she was going to act like there was something wrong with me she said she did not want kids either and her parents were pushing her to get married and have them and she did not want them. I think sometimes when younger women see you can be perfectly happy with no children it opens up a different way of thinking for them.

ah, the old "tell them you cant have kids" story. my husband suggested that to handle his side of the family. to me it doesn't feel good to lie, and it feels that you are being untrue to yourself. alot of people dont get it. and it can backfire and people start hounding you about fertility treatments or adopting.

I was at a party recenting and was asked if I had any kids. I responded with, "No, I am child-free by choice." it felt good to say. it is something I take pride in.

any who, your cousin would probably just have to blab that to every one too. she needs to mind her business and leave you alone.

while I try to go the civil route, some people just get so obsessed with your choice. I say if you are at a family function and she is flinging poo your way, announce loudly so many can hear, "cousin, I would prefer if you would think about something other than my uterus. I am not jealous of your baby, I happen to adore my life just the way it is."

hang in there.
wishing you nothing but the best.
keep us posted.

NAMBLA....hahahaha!!! That's hilarious! She sounds like a huge attention freak. She obviously wants you to be jealous of her, which shows how insecure she really is. I think it's great that some people want to raise children, and I think it's great that there are those of us who don't. I'm not going to try to force my decision on someone else, and they shouldn't try to force their decisions on us. As for the parents wanting grandchildren thing: if they really want babies around that badly, they can adopt one themselves. (still laughing at the NAMBLA thing) :-)

If Swearbear and the cousin were close, supportive friends, would you all agree it would then be okay for her to have announced she was having a baby? To me, both are very exciting news, and it's hard to keep that kind of news a secret. especially from others that you know will be happily affected by it. If I got engaged and a beloved family member then announced she was pregnant - to me, it would just increase the joy all the more - me getting married, my beloved cousin having a baby - wow! It's going to be such an exciting year!

Obviously, this isn't the case though for Swearbear, and her cousin indeed acted out of petty jealousness, especially for telling everyone that Swearbear was jealous of her having a baby and sending the baby flyers.... yikes. In this case, I think showing compassion for the cousin might actually do the trick (though I understand that might be hard to do!). She probably wrongly assumed somewhere down the line that there's a competition existing, or, is just flat out jealous. However, if she was shown support for her choice to have a baby and if Swearbear acted happy for her being a mom, it might nip this "competitive jealousy" thing in the bud. I still think Swearbear should continue to voice "her" decision to not have a baby, but this doesn't meant she can't support or be happy for her cousin. I know I'm not in the norm here with this advice... but then again, that's "normal" for me! haha Honestly, if she's truly jealous, she probably really looks up to you - and might even be craving your attention, respect and support (yes, she has a funny way of showing it, but she is obviously not well-balanced). Regardless, Swearbear, I wish you luck with your cousin!! She has definitely put you in an uncomfortable situation.

Oh, but, I did show support...I let her have 100% of attention when we both had exciting news at the same time...I sent her a congrats card AND a present when the baby was born...she came to the city my wedding reception was held, sat in her hotel room for 4 days and didn't even put her name on the card her mother, father, and sister gave me. I'd agree that this was a ploy for my attention if not for the history of this girl...she has, her entire life, been a nasty person...at the age of 12, she called my mother stupid and made fun of her shoes (??) totally unprovoked. My mother sent her a VERY expensive baby gift and never got a thank you, so, she asked the girl's father if she received the present. His response was "She got your gift. She has already sent out thank you cards....sorry you didn't get one." I guess I wouldn't be this touchy if my uncle hadn't JUST called my mother to yell at her for upsetting my grandmother...cousin and her parents came to my grandmother's house last weekend and my mom didn't want to deal with it, so, she didn't go over to see them...it apparently upset my grandmother (who, mind you was so mean to everyone at my wedding reception, people were chasing me down asking her what her problem is.) I am so done with all of them, but, they keep trying to pull me back in..