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Am I insane? #586271
02/23/10 04:33 AM
02/23/10 04:33 AM
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Danielle26 Offline OP
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Danielle26  Offline OP
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Hi guys. I never really expected myself to be posting on some sort of forum asking people who don't know me. But I figured maybe this is my best option (since I'm out of my own ideas!) Here's my situation: I met a guy, a while back, we work together, we gradually grew closer. Several people brought up the idea that he might be interested in me, I always brushed it off...until about a year ago. Something hit me and now I can not get enough of this guy. We continue to grow closer, but I am anxious I am putting him further and further into the friend zone. I am never too honest with my feelings, and unfortunately this case is no different. This guy has been through a lot creating a lot of baggage and leaving him extremely shy and insecure. Almost childlike when it comes to relationships. (it's sort of cute) Despite that, he flirts with me, he picks on me, he asks me about other men in my life, he constantly compliments me. But because he has not made a move, it makes me feel as though he is just a "nice guy" and a "good friend." I have spent countless nights watching tv with him on the couch until 4 am, just close enough but not too close. All my friends, women and men, say he's interested but his past is holding him back or he doesn't know how to express himself to me. Wow, that was certainly long winded (I tried to cut it down, but I guess I talk a lot) I guess I don't have a specific question or request for advice. I guess I just someone, who is completely objective(and doesn't care about hurting my feelings like my friends would) to tell me if I am crazy or not. Am I making all of this up in my head? Does this guy really like me, or is he not moving for a reason? Thank you for ANY input!

Re: Am I insane? [Re: Danielle26] #586336
02/23/10 02:11 PM
02/23/10 02:11 PM
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Parakeet

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Well, the only way you'll find out is if you either ask him, or you make the first move - it sounds to me. From reading it, you don't sound insane though LOL. He could have a lot of reasons for just not wanting to get intimate - maybe on a night when you're alome with him, you could ask him a few questions, a good one would be "Are you interested in anyone at the moment?" Otherwise, you'll fall into the friendship catch LOL.


Steven Casey
Horror Movies Site
"Whatever you do, don't - fall - asleep!"
Re: Am I insane? [Re: Danielle26] #586605
02/23/10 09:25 PM
02/23/10 09:25 PM
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k2y Offline
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I don't think you are crazy or making any of this stuff up in your head. If you get the feeling that he is into you (and it sounds like you do), then your intuition is probably on to something.

From what you described, I get the sense that although you are both interested, each of you is afraid to take things to the next level perhaps out of fear that things might get awkward if the feelings aren't mutual. Personally, though, I believe that the potential rewards far outweigh the emotional risks involved. A bruised ego might be uncomfortable for a little while but it sure beats that nagging uncertainty (the inevitable "what ifs?") that will probably continue to haunt you if you choose to do and say nothing.

You mentioned that you aren't usually very honest about your feelings and while that might seem like the safest way to go, it usually turns out to be the loneliest path as well. You can read a little bit more about my thoughts on this issue by checking out my article titled Breaking Out of the Friend Zone.

I say go for it and let your friend know that you are interested in exploring the connection between you on a new level. If it turns out that he isn't on the same page, at least you won't have to wonder any longer. But if it turns out that he is, the only thing you'll have to wonder about is why you didn't take that chance sooner.

Re: Am I insane? [Re: k2y] #586642
02/24/10 01:10 AM
02/24/10 01:10 AM
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Danielle26 Offline OP
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You girls are right! I mean, he wouldn't act the way he did if he wasn't the least bit interested, right? Thank you for the advice! Now it's just about gaining the confidence to make the move!

Re: Am I insane? [Re: Danielle26] #586753
02/24/10 03:19 PM
02/24/10 03:19 PM
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tipsynoodle Offline
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The next time you all are up till 4 am watching tv, excuse yourself sometime during the night and get into something more relaxing, lol like a neglige and sit by him and see what happens! If he is interested he will jump at that.

Re: Am I insane? [Re: tipsynoodle] #589429
03/07/10 04:29 PM
03/07/10 04:29 PM
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Danielle26 Offline OP
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Hi guys! I appreciate all of the help you guys provided. I actually asked my guy how he felt, and he told me we were "good friends." I didn't put myself out there, because I didn't see the conversation going in the direction I expected. I told him that he sent me a lot of mixed signals, and I was thoroughly confused. Now he is concerned I want him out of my life. My gut tells me he's lying and he's scared to let me know how he feels, but my head tells me that I gave him an opportunity to be honest and he refused it. (or maybe he was honest) I didn't want to get into it with him about the misleading things he says and does because I felt I would appear confrontational. Sooo...I guess I just wanted to thank everyone for their input. I am obviously dealing with a handful here. I just don't know if I should romantically write him off. Like I said, my gut is telling me something completely different than his words.

Last edited by Danielle26; 03/07/10 04:32 PM.
Re: Am I insane? [Re: Danielle26] #589826
03/09/10 02:44 PM
03/09/10 02:44 PM
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Parakeet

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I've actually been in the exact same position, and not understood it at all - but all you can do is listen to what he's saying, he had the perfect chance to tell you there and then. Maybe he feels really comfortable around you - I think it's like 70% of how we relate to someone is through body language - so it can easily mess with ones head.
Maybe you should pull back on any body contact or flirting and see how he reacts?


Steven Casey
Horror Movies Site
"Whatever you do, don't - fall - asleep!"
Re: Am I insane? [Re: Horror_Movies_Editor] #590143
03/11/10 02:43 AM
03/11/10 02:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4
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Danielle26 Offline OP
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Danielle26  Offline OP
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Thank you. I agree. I will try your suggestions! What do I have to lose? I think a big part of the problem could be the fact that we work together. Maybe he doesn't want to "[censored] where he eats" (so to speak) but, he should have thought of that before he did and said the things he did! :)

Re: Am I insane? [Re: Danielle26] #590284
03/11/10 10:33 PM
03/11/10 10:33 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,131
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Yeah, see how he reacts - most ppl usually want what they can't have LOL. You could be right about the working thing too - keep us posted if you get anywhere though and good luck with it smile


Steven Casey
Horror Movies Site
"Whatever you do, don't - fall - asleep!"

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